Post by Lightningstrike on Oct 14, 2007 20:24:35 GMT -5
((A/N:Okay,this is my painfully noobish fanfic.It was on Fanfiction.net,but no one would look at it!!I only got one review!!-wipes tear-))
Title:The Spread of Darkness
Pairing:BlackstarxRussetfur((Ya,ya,OMG everyone hates blackstar!!!!Well too bad,cuzz hes in the story,AND one of the main characters!So meh!))
Summary:Blackstar and Russetfur struggle to control the uprise of rebellion and rage within Shadowclan,but what happens when the warriors turn against their leader and deputy?What will become of the two?
Warning:Blood and deaths and nasty human/cat swearing-mixes, evil swearing
Beta:Wildpaw((P.S.:Please comment and tell me what you think since i can't PM you!!PLEEEEEASE!!!Thank you!!!))
Disclaimer:If i owned Warriors, Tigerstar wouldn't have betrayed Thunderclan, and Feathertail would be alive
((A/N:VEry short prolouge,which is why I'm posting the first chapter right after this post.))
Dawn light spilled over the trees, giving them a ghostly glow in the pale semi-darkness. Hidden inside the tall pine forest lay a small clearing, in the dark clearing dark shapes were emerging from what appeared to be dark pits, or holes in the walls of the clearing. One such shape took form and suddenly became a large white cat with Jet-black paws. (A/N: Sound familiar?) As the cat padded through the clearing, the sun rose, casting a happy, almost cheery mood around the clearing. Relishing in the new morning sun, Blackstar purred to himself, thinking, I think this will be a good day! Contented, he padded over to the freshkill-pile to get some breakfast.
Post by Lightningstrike on Oct 14, 2007 20:31:15 GMT -5
((Heres first Chappie!))
As dawn crept over the ridge, the milk-white light poured over into the dark pine forest; giving the now-brightened clearing a new look. The previously dark depression-like holes started to shape more into a den shape. There were six dens, but one den, high above the other holes, stood the white/black pawed cat again.
Staring out from his den, Blackstar could see that tension was mounting between his clanmates. Determined not to have in-fighting inside his clan, the large cat stormed over to the worst of the fighting, between a dark ginger she-cat, and an aggressive-looking ginger tom. Blackstar got there just in time to see the two cats leap at each other, hissing and spitting. “STOP!” roared Blackstar, who just now realized who exactly was doing the fighting. Glaring at them, he hissed softly, “What were you thinking?! The two of you fighting knowing full well that, with Leaf-bare so hard upon us, the clan needs to be fed and protected! Not torn to pieces from all this stupid fighting between clanmates…” his voice trailed off, leaving him gasping for breath. Still staring at them, he asked, “Russetfur, Rowanclaw, why were you two fighting?”Bowing his head, Rowanclaw mewed quietly, “All I wanted to do was go hunting with her…”Russetfur’s fur bristled indignantly, “That’s not true, you crow-food eating bas-“Blackstar cut her off quickly, “N-no need for such strong language, Russetfur. He did just want to go hunting with you...” though Blackstar couldn’t ignore the feelings of jealousy and rage simmering down in the pit of his stomach. Anxious to get going; he assigned Russetfur on a lone patrol with him, though he wouldn’t tell her why,he was sure she knew that Blackstar was going to chew her out good. He also assigned Rowanclaw with Smokefoot, a black tom who was very trustworthy warrior, Blackstar was sure he would put Rowanclaw in his place.
He had to control himself greatly to avoid sneering at Rowanclaw, who was standing nonchalantly by the camp entrance, trying to act as though nothing had happened. But Smokefoot soon appeared at the entrance, and with a stern look at Rowanclaw, they padded through the tunnel of pines that was the entrance and exit for the Shadowclan cats.
Fanfics:[br] The Spread of Darkness[br][IMG]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v226/Lady_Griffin/Cburning_bar.jpg[/IMG]
Post by Lightningstrike on Oct 27, 2007 22:25:47 GMT -5
(hi pplz!!! ITs Rocks that u guys like my story so much,anyway heres the next chappie!!!Be carefull though; this one have anger mangenment problems like me, 0_X)
The Signs As Blackstar and Russetfur padded through the tall pine forest, the more nervous Russetfur became. Rowanclaw was a respectable warrior, even if she, Russetfur, was the deputy. Trying to loosen up the tense mood around the two,she mewed uncertainly, “Umm…Blackstar? Is there anything you want to…talk about?” But Blackstar didn’t reply. Too lost in his own thoughts to pay attention,she had to grab him roughly by the scruff to avoid falling off the steep hill they were climbing. Muttering his thanks,he led her to a deserted clearing.
It was here he stopped,turning to face her.Slightly afraid and guilty, she gazed back at him with troubled eyes. Seeing her eyes so scared and confused,he couldn’t help but feel a small pang of sadness,but he held her gaze until she looked away. Growling angrily,he mewed, “What the hell were you thinking?! I want you to explain exactly why you were fighting with your own clanmate?!”
Russetfur stared guiltily at her paws,not yet ready to tell her exactly why she had been yelling at Rowanclaw. “He wanted to attack the Clan,and he tried to get me to help him do it.” She mewed quietly, “He,Snowbird,Oakfur,Hillclaw, and Flamefoot all are going to attack camp!” ((A/N:I’ll put up the allegiances next. I had to add some cats because there weren’t enough cats to make a raid.Sorry!)) Blackstar was silent until she stopped talking,his eyes ablaze with shock and rage.
“Why did Rowanclaw ask you to do this?”
Blackstar’s question was quiet,so quiet, that Russetfur had to lean in to hear it. She took a deep breath: “He said I should have wanted to get rid of you the most since I was next in line to be Leader…When he said that,I was so angry,I leapt at him.And that’s when you came in and broke us up.”
“Well,” he spat, glaring at her, obviously expecting something that would put false into her account, but, before Russetfur could answer, yowls and screeches were heard from the camp. Hissing angrily, Blackstar bounded over to the Shadowclan camp, Russetfur not far behind. They will pay for the damage done to my clan. Thought Blackstar furiously, running even harder to get to the camp.
Smashing straight into the wall of sturdy pine trees and brambles that camouflaged the camp, Russetfur didn’t have enough time to stop from hurdling into a ginger tom. With a snarl, Rowanclaw turned on her, snapping a half-inch away from her face. Screeching, she leaped back, accidentally landing ontop of Blackstar, who, due to his size, was slower on his feet. Rowanclaw then saw an opportunity apparently, because the next thing Russetfur knew, she had been rather rudely, shoved off of Blackstar, then pinned to the ground. Suddenly Russetfur had an inspiration. Trying to look defeated, she rasped, “Alright, Rowanclaw, you win. I give up.” Grinning defiantly, the tom hissed in her ear,
“See how much easier it is to just listen for once? Then again, you never learned how!” So, Rowanclaw, in his spree of victory, loosened his grip on Russetfur, who then managed to slip out from under Rowanclaw , twist around, and sink her teeth into his ear, drawing enough blood for him to realize that the tables had turned, and all of a sudden, he was the one being pinned down against the ground, sticky red liquid seeping out of his poor ear. Threateningly, Rowanclaw growled, “You really think you can beat me?”
“I don’t need to.” Was her smug remark, for right at that moment Blackstar, who had been beating the living crap out of Hillclaw, dashed over to help his deputy. Slamming into Rowanclaw’s side, Russetfur heard a sickening yet satisfying crack in several places as his ribs snapped and broke. Scrambling to her paws, Russetfur took a quick look around; Smokefoot was fighting Flamefoot, Oakfur, and a freshly wounded Hillclaw, who had realized that while taking on Blackstar alone was retarded, taking on Smokefoot with his friends by his side was much easier and under-handed. As much as she hated traitors, Russetfur couldn’t deny a sneaking admiration for underhandedness. It is a cheating way to fight, but is sometimes necessary for survival, so it’s tolerable. Shaking herself of her thoughts, Russetfur also noticed Tawnypelt and two of her kits, Gingerpaw and Larchpaw were fighting Snowbird. Tawnypelt slashed out at the white she-cat, but missed and got a claw-slap to the face. Finally deciding on an action, she dove into the fray with Blackstar, and together they drove back Flamefoot and Oakfur toward the entrance. But, all of a sudden, Russetfur was tackled from behind, scenting over the smell of blood and pine, she smelled Hillclaw. Blackstar was thrown down next to her, snarling, “Rowanclaw!!! You dirty shit-eating traitor!!!” But instead of replying, Rowanclaw shoved him out into the forest, Russetfur finding similar treatment from Hillclaw.
“Now get out,” hissed Rowanclaw, glaring at them both, noticing that he had their attention. Blackstar exploded at this: “You can’t drive us out! We’ve been in Shadowclan our entire lives! Besides,” he added with a hint at a snarl in his voice, “ Russetfur is deputy and I’m leader! Who will lead the clan if we two are gone?!” Rowanclaw, the bastard, looked as if he had been expecting this. With a smug flick of his tail, he replied, “Me.”
If Russetfur thought Blackstar was mad before, now he positively looked ready to blow up with rage, even his eyes had a reddish tinge, as if he had completely lost it. But his voice was steady and calm, but if a cat knew him as well as Russetfur did, she could tell that it was barely controlling the rage boiling and threatening to flow over, causing a homicidal rage to ensue. “I’m still in command here, I have the nine lives here, Rowanclaw, NOT you!” His voice grew louder with each word, until at the end of his mini-speech, Blackstar was yelling.
For a moment, silence met his words, when suddenly, Rowanclaw growled, “Not anymore.” Completely stunned by that statement, Russetfur could just sit there, before she realized that the group of rouges, as she would continue to call the rebellious bastards who were once her clanmates, were getting closer. Spitting in hatred at them, she leaped back. Then she noticed Blackstar still sitting where he was, glaring at Rowanclaw for such treason and blatant disregard of the Warrior Code. So Russetfur dragged him back, fighting the impulse to cry out at the pain in her shoulder. The run to camp, followed by the fight, and now this….all of it was taking its toll now, right when they were facing the inevitable, exile.
As the circle of impending doom settled upon them, Russetfur couldn’t help but think of all that had happened up until now. Life had been good; Starclan were at peace and it finally seemed all of the half-clan tension had died down ever since the day-light gathering. Then all this had occurred; it only took Rowanclaw(Or Chief Bastard-O, as Russetfur loathingly thought of him;) 3 moons to gather followers. Russetfur wasn’t really suspicious of him of anything until he’d called a clan meeting without Blackstar’s authorization; a large part of the Warrior Code, just thrown to the side like an old piece of fresh-kill. It made her blood boil with rage. Then he went and—Russetfur’s thoughts were interrupted by the fact that the advancing circle had stopped advancing; and with Rowanclaw in the lead, started chasing them. Russetfur ran so fast that she was afraid she would have left her leader behind, but when she glanced side-ways, Blackstar was right there, matching her step for step. Normally this would have been a feat he could have been proud of---after all, his feet were large and it was hard to run,but because of the circumstances, they both just kept running…running….running until they could be sure that they weren’t being followed. So on they went, the small ginger shape dwarfed by the sheer largity of the white shape next to it, their pelts unconsciously brushing, bracing themselves for a journey so hellish not even hell it self wanted to go there.
(Hope you liked it! Don't forget to comment or I'll send Cheif Bastard-O after you! 0_^)
Post by Mossleg not logged on Nov 2, 2007 9:10:47 GMT -5
It is certaintly interesting, and exciting. And I really like the names! Do you mind some criticism? Don't forget to post the authour, disclaimer, etc stuff at the beginning. You definitly need to give a warning about the swearing. You need to be careful about switching POVs (points of view). You'd start with Blackstar's thoughts, then go to Russetfur. This may be in third person, but it is a bit confusing to not focus on one character (at least for me.) And Russetfur seems out of character. Why would she wait until she was alone with Blackstar to tell him about Rowenclaw? She endangered the whole Clan! But I do like her inwardly admiring the underhanded fighting techniques of the bad guys. Seems suspicious...the plot thickens?
Hey Lightningstrike! First up- I love the plot! I've never really thought aboout this coupling before, but yesh indeedy it makes a very fine fanfic! Like Mossleg said, the POV gets a leeetle confusing, kind of like a tennis rally. The plot is very good, but I would try to space the events out a little more. You also should have put a warning about swearing. Speaking of which, I think your fic is awesome, but the casually placed swear-word just scratches the entire thing. Lightningstrike, I can't wait to see some more of this fic, pleeeease keep writing! ~Morning