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Post by Dovestar on May 26, 2007 12:32:16 GMT -5
Title: Jaypaw's A brat, Gray's back! Chapters: At least 4 Author: Dovestar Pairing: Jaypaw+Millie, Graystripe+Millie Rating: G; mild fun poking at characters. Summary: When Graystripe finally gets back to his Clan, Jaypaw decides that Graystripe is all the cool--he needs to mentor cool. So Jaypaw sets out in search of a 'cool' cat--Millie. He and Graystripe fight over her. Who will win? Beta: N/A Cover: N/A Authors Notes: I know it isn't very good so far, but I'll write more soon! Prologue "But I don't WANNA go! My owner luffs me SO much! You're weird for asking." "But, Millie, I thought that you would want to go... I mean, after you rescued me from that cat..." "Hmph! pink and pretty never gets her way! I got my fur done for NOTHING!" Millie stomped away, her fluffy tail wrapped inside a pink Twoleg thingy. "There goes bodyguard," muttered Graystripe. He walked in the other direction, towards the sea of Twolegs nests, some of them horribly MANGLED by Twoleg kits. "So totally UGH." Graystripe found himself looking at . . . a road. "Darn, thought I could get meself a yummy buggy bug..." *** Several days later he spotted an odd looking Twoleg package stuffed with something. He was so tired... he ate it! It made him feel woozy and dizzy, so he plopped down onto a log. "Ugh... those did NOT help my figure," he grumbled. "And I can't think of anymore jokes...." Suddenly, Millie walked up to him. "OH, Graystripe, you should NEVER have ate those Twoleg drugs! Now I'm going to have to hunt for you! And you know how I hate to hunt. It gets my paws all dirty!" she said angrily, and stalked off to hunt for a mouse. "And bring me an Aspirin. I feel sick!" Graystripe mumbled. His eyes looked around him. The clearing was getting all blurry and smeary.... ack! His forehead got all furry sweaty... and do you know how bad furry sweaty smells? "There will be three, kin of your kin -I don't LIKE your kin-, who hold the power of the big burning gases of energy in their paws. Got it, Firey?" "DON'T call me Firey. It's Firestar." "Whatever. Now get this darn Mickey Mouse hat offa my head!" The old cat looked ticked off. Two mouse ears poked out of the top of his head, and a large, distress-looking mouse was sitting behind him. "Okay," said Firestar, proceeding to drag the ears off of the old cat.
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Post by Dovewings on Jun 2, 2007 13:36:17 GMT -5
Chapter 1
"Well, thith thisthith thite thut thy thunthed," pouted Jaypaw. "Um, wha?" asked Brightheart, peering at him. "Thuthing," muttered the young apprentice through his thick lisp. "This thus thisthith the pray I thunted." "Not the pray you hunted? Well, you have to eat the pray the other cats hunted. If they all ate what they caught, there would be no pray at all!" I meant the pray I wanted. She's so silly... doesn't she know what I'm saying? thought Jaypaw in frustration. He decided to play along. "Thuls, thuls, thuls!" he shouted, and stormed onto the apprentice den. "Murph... galumph?" mumbled Hollypaw. "Rawr, get away from us, ShadowClan!" She jumped up and began to slash at the den. "Must... kill... ShadowClan! Bluestar, noooooooo!" Jaypaw jumped in front of her. "Thalm down," he said quietly. "Ith just me." "ShadowClan... muhahahahaha! You shall DIE!" shouted Hollypaw, slashing at thin air. Jaypaw left her where she was and went to lie down, just as Leafpool came rushing in. "Oh my gosh oh my gosh! Who do I train! I have to pick now!" she screamed. "DIE SHADOWCLAN!" screamed HollyPaw. "Just let me sleep," muttered Lionpaw. "That would be thool," said Jaypaw. "For someone thelse." "Well, since you that only one who's not weird.... willyouPLEASEbemyapprentice?! Rightnow?!" And she dragged Jaypaw into Firestar's den. "Though! Thoo than't thoo this!!" yelled Jaypaw. "Oh yes I can!" said Leafpool, and she tossed him on the floor in front of Firestar and Brambleclaw. "Thi, thad. Hi, Thierthar," he said weakly. Firestar and Brambleclaw glared down at him. Jaypaw gulped. Now it was time for a slice of rhubarb pie, for sure...
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Post by Dovestar on Jun 11, 2007 15:08:27 GMT -5
Chapter 1- cont.
"Now, Jaypaw, why do you want to be a medicine cat apprentice?" asked Firestar, narrowing his eyes. "I thon't, Thierthar. Theifthool thust thagged me here," mewed Jaypaw. "Well, since I can't understand what you're saying, I'm gonna just offer you the job. It's yours!" said Firestar. Jaypaw grumbled some very rude words under his breath. "Aw, you sound sad... want a hug?" asked Firestar worriedly, and he closed in for one of his death-grip hugs. "Uck," muttered Jaypaw. "WOOHOOHEMYAPPRENTICENOW??!!" asked Leafpool. "Yes," said Firestar. "He's all yours." "OHDEARBUTWHATABOUTHOLLYPAW??" "Oh no... you don't like my decision? You're mean!" Firestar broke done completely. He sank to the floor. "OhdearwhathaveIdone? Where's a MEDICINE CAT??!! Wait... I'm the medicine cat!" Just then, Squirrelflight came bounding in. "OMGOMGLEAFPOOLDADDY! DIDYOUMURDERDADDYLEAFPOOL??!!" Squirrelflight screamed. She jumped on top of Brambleclaw. "OHHUGGLDYWUGGLDY!" she yelled at him. Brambleclaw looked mortified. "BUGGYBUGWHATHAPPENEDTODADDY??!!" "Erm.." Brambleclaw got Squirrelflight off of him, then walked out of the den. Jaypaw backed away from the chaotic scene. This was getting worse and worse... he ran from the camp. Just keep running, then you can hide from emo Firestar, he thought.
"Okay Graystripe, we're almost there," puffed Millie. "Gosh, Graystripe, this place is bigger than that fancy cat toy I've got! And that's big!" She looked down at the scene spread out below her and Graystripe. "What's that?" she asked, pointing to the gorge that just happened to be the ThunderClan camp. "I dunno," muttered Graystripe. All her wanted at the moment was a Joke Book, a Comic Book, and a fireplace to lie by. What was happening now was stupid. Why did all of this boring stuff have to happen?
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Post by Dovestar on Jun 12, 2007 20:36:24 GMT -5
Chapter 1- cont. cont.
Jaypaw ran as fast as he could. "Thith... thiyth... therry thard!" he panted. His black fur was lsicked down with sweat.
"OMSCOMSCDADDYGETUPOMSCPLEASEOHMYGOSHDADDYGETUP!!!!!!!!" Squirrelflight screamed. Firestar woke up, his nervous breakdown over. Just at that moment, Sandstorm came in. "Like, what is, like, going on, like, here?" she asked, putting in so many 'likes' that it was hard to understand what she was saying. "Oh my gosh, you won't believe what just happened... Leafpool didn't like my decision... will you please thwap her? Or give her a hug? That'll make her feel better!" "Oh my StarClan, that is, like, sooooo not cool so, like, I will have to, like, whack the StarClan, like, right outta her." Sandstorm proceeded to whack Leafpool smartly over the head with a rubber duck that she had gotten from StarClan knows where.
Graystripe and Millie happened to run right into Jaypaw. "Thorry... thait, thou thar Thaythipe? Thou thoo thithatherred thoong thathoo?" "I'm sorry.. but what are you saying?" asked Graystripe. "Oh my fluffy pink skins, the poor little thing!' exclaimed Millie. "He's all sad and misunderstood!" Oh, dear, thought Jaypaw. Here we go again.
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Post by Dovestar on Jul 12, 2007 19:21:37 GMT -5
Chapter 2
"He might've come from ThunderClan! Let's follow him and see where he leads!" said Graystripe. Jaypaw ran in the direction of the ThunderClan camp, Graystripe and Millie following. *** "Oh, gosh! He's here! My old buddy!!" screeched Firestar, promptly hugging Graystripe. Oh no, he's gone mental, was the thought that ran through Graystripe's head. He responded by glancing over at Brambleclaw, who shrugged. "Hello," said Graystripe. "Thith ith theird," mewed Jaypaw, staring. Just at that moment Squirrelflight walked up to them. "OMSC LOOK! HE'SBACKANDHE'SHERE! WOULDYOULIKETOMEETYOURFANCLUB??!!" "Fan club?" asked Graystripe. "Um.." Squirrelflight dragged him over to some weird crinkly thing. "Paper!" said Squirrelflight. "Look! A love note! It says 'I <3 Graystripe!'. ISN'T IT DREAMY? SOMEONE LUUUUUUVS YOU!" "Um, okay," said Graystripe. "Look, could I talk to Brambleclaw for a second?" He slipped away and came up to Brambleclaw. "What is the problem with these guys?" he whispered. "All I know is that it all started when you went away. You were the last bit of thread holding the Clan together. When you left? POW! Hey, looks like Jaypaw's talking to that cat you were with. She can understand him!? Wow. She's good!"
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Post by Splashwave on Jul 28, 2007 19:38:14 GMT -5
Story Name: Jaypaw's A Brat, Gray's Back! Reveiwer Name: Splashwave
Plot: 0/10 No offense or anything, but I didn't really see any plot at all! I mean, "Jaypaw is going to be medicine cat apprentice and he can't speak right, Graystripe is coming back, Hollypaw's gone chaffinch, and Lionpaw is now very sleepy"? Nope! Not gonna work.
Readability: 9/10 The only problem was that I barely understood half of what Jaypaw was saying.
Mechanics: 10/10 Note To Strict Reveiwers: I happen to be a very misunderstood rater in mechanics. Generally, it's supposed to be the hardest thing to get a ten on, but with me, it be the easiest!
Orgininality: N/A I am stuck on this part. Its somewhat original, but not really.
Characters: 9/10 Last time I checked, Jaypaw didn't have every syllable of what he said beginning in TH.
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Post by warmheart on Jul 30, 2007 19:51:19 GMT -5
that was wierd , but satisfying in a way..... i give you a 7/10
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Dawn
New Member
Posts: 5
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Post by Dawn on Aug 6, 2007 20:43:47 GMT -5
OMG I could not stop laughing at this! It was so funny! Sure it's not a "proper" Fan-Fic but I luff it!
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Post by Wildstar on Jul 25, 2008 3:48:03 GMT -5
It was funny! I laughes at...........hmmmm.............Oh yeah!
She jumped on top of Brambleclaw. OHHUGGLDYWUGGLDY! Brambleclaw looked mortified.
LOL
I luffles it!
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Post by Ember on Oct 1, 2008 13:15:24 GMT -5
Ha ha! funny stuff, funny stuff.
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