Into the Wild: Odd Version }{ UF; Humor

[Raincloud]

Title: Into the Wild: Odd Version
Chapters: I only have a prologue so far, but hopefully it will have 25 chapters or less.
Author: Raincloud
Pairing: None.
Rating: G
Summary: It's a mixed up version of Into the Wild. Tigerclaw's new name is evil, Spottedleaf doesn't want to be a medicine cat, and worst of all, Bluestar's the only one that's not crazy!
Warning: There's some killing and stuff, but no graphic violence. It's like the Into the Wild plot except with some twists.
Disclaimer: I don't own warriors.
Beta: None.
Cover: None.

Author's Notes: [Okay, my story is going to be added on one chapter at a time, so it might be a little hard to read.]

Prologue

Tigerclaw: I'm evil!
Oakheart: Hi, Evil!
Evil (Tigerclaw): Wanna fight over sunningrocks?
Oakheart: Sure! (Play fights)
Silverstream: Happy birthday to me! Happy birthday to ME!
Evil: Hey, you're not supposed to show up until Fire and Ice!
Oakheart: (Dramatically) What's wrong with you, Erin Hunter?
Evil: This isn't being written by Erin Hunter.
Oakheart: Then . . . who's writing it? (All heads turn to Raincloud)
Raincloud: . . .
Silverstream: This is my private birthday party so get off, or else.
Evil: Or else what?
RiverClan Cats: (Point tranquilizers at ThunderClan cats)
Redtail: Retreat! Retreat!
Evil: We're not really in battle.
Redtail: I just like the word. Retreat! Retreat!
Evil: You heard him, Retreat! Retreat!
Redtail: You're getting the hang of it!
Evil/Redtail: Retreat! Retreat!
Evil: By the way, I'm planning to kill you so I can become deputy.
Redtail: SWEEEEEEEEEEEEEET!
Evil/Redtail: Retreat! Retreat!
*BACK AT THE THUNDERCLAN CAMP*
Spottedleaf: Look, Bluestar, a shooting star!
Bluestar: It's just an illusion. We see things and then we use our imagination to make it look like some kind of sign from starclan . . . (Lightning bolt hits her) . . . ow.
Spottedleaf: It means Fire alone will save our clan.
Bluestar: FIRE?! Fire is feared by all. Even twolegs. StarClan is wrong . . . (Lightning bolt hits her) . . . and nothing I just said was true.

That's it. I'll come up with more once my writer's block is over.

[Raincloud]

I've got another chapter!

Chapter 1

Rustman: Here mousey, mousey!
Mouse: Squeak.
Rustman: I'm gonna eat you, mousey, mousey!
Mouse: Squeak.
Rustman: (Pounces at mouse)
Mouse: (Points tranquilizer at Rustman)
Rustman: WAKE UP! WAKE UP! WAKE UP! (Wakes up) . . . Oy . . . my mother did say I had the weirdest dreams . . . (goes outside)
Smudge: Geithpqghurgtrghrugmwcnmkhwogrufarghp?
Rustman: No, I don't want to chew Henry's food for him.
Smudge: Higheqpeirfarfwruhwcmowphvnoehgrugfcnvb?
Rustman: NO! WHY WOULD I GO INTO THE WILD?!
Smudge: Uh . . . Johriupewrh.
Rustman: (Kicks Smudge and sends him flying)
Smudge: (While soaring over twoleg nests) Koirghqpeeeeerd!!
Rustman: Whatever. (Climbs over fence) . . . Uh, Graypaw, that's your cue to, you know, attack me.
Graypaw: Why am I always late? (Exposes Nintendo DS)
Rustman: Just attack me.
Graypaw: (Takes out sword) Yaaaah!
Rustman: (Cuts Graypaw's sword in half)
Graypaw: Where'd you get the lightsaber?
Rustman: Well . . .
*MOVIE CLIP OF STAR WARS: RUSTMAN STEALS LIGHTSABER FROM DARTH VADOR* (I don't own Star Wars)
Bluestar: Was that Star Wars?
Rustman: Actually, Ye-
Bluestar: Warriors DON'T watch twoleg movies . . . (Lightning bolt hits her) . . . perhaps we shall have a Star Wars movie party!
ThunderClan: Hoorah!
Lionheart: We wouldn't want to leave you out, Rustman. Join our clan.
Graypaw: He's a kittypet. He can't join our clan . . . (Lightning bolt hits him) . . . hey, I thought only Bluestar gets hit by those.
Bluestar: That's because you . . . (Lightning bolt hits her) . . . Rustman, join our clan.
Rustman: Okay.
Bluestar: Great. Lionheart, you'll be picking him up.
Lionheart: WHY ME?!

[Raincloud]

Chapter 2

Rustman: Here, mousey, mousey!
Mouse: Squeak.
Rustman: I’m gonna eat you, mousey, mousey!
Mouse: Squeak.
Rustman: (pounces at mouse)
Mouse: (points tranquilizer at Rustman)
Rustman: (claws his own face) WAKE UP! WAKE UP! WAKE UP! WAIT ONE SECOND THERE ARE CATS WATCHING ME! WAKE UP! WAKE UP! WAKE UP! . . . (Wakes up) . . . Oy . . . (Goes outside).
Smudge: Hroweifhasdoghei432prug0qhfdp2djhfighepfhehghrpad?
Rustman: Yes, I’m going to live in the wild.
Smudge: Rrrrrrrruehpqtieuthqp4iuthey4utye433333333333333333333?!
Rustman: Bye!
Smudge: Uppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp!!!
Rustman: (Climbs over fence) where are you?
Lionheart: I’m right here. (Comes out from behind a tree) Guess who else is here.
Rustman: (Sniffs) . . . AAAAAAAAAAH! SOMEONE I DON’T KNOW!
Lionheart: Yeah, it’s Whitestorm.
Whitestorm: Yo, what’s crackalackin homie?
Rustman: You’re weird.
Whitestorm: Aw, you just trippin’.
Rustman: Sorry. Will you forgive me?
Whitestorm: DAWG!
Lionheart: That means yes. Let’s go.
Rustman: (Trying to move but is stuck in quicksand) HELP MEEEE!
Lionheart: (Already deep into the forest with Whitestorm) what was that noise, Whitestorm?
Whitestorm: Uh . . . dunno.
Rustman: HELP MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Lionheart: Hmm . . . must be some treecut monster.
Rustman: SOMEBODY, HELP MEEEEEEEE! (Head gets buried in quicksand)
Lionheart: (Back at the camp) Bluestar, we lost Rustman. He was such a wimp. He could barely keep up with us.
Rustman: (Comes into the camp spitting out sand) Yeah, thanks for the help, guys.
Lionheart: You’re welcome!
Bluestar: LIONHEART! WHITESTORM! YOU TWO ARE SO IMATURE!
Lionheart/Whitestorm: Sorry, Bluestar.
Longtail: KITTYPET! KITTYPET!
Lionheart: Longtail, you don’t say that yet!
Longtail: Oops.
Bluestar: (Goes onto the highrock) all cats old enough to catch their own prey join under the highrock for a clan meeting.
Lionheart: Why does Bluestar have to be so serious and stuff? I mean, this is supposed to be a humorous fan-fic.
Bluestar: We found this cat in the forest and he agreed to join our clan.
Lionheart: NOW you can say it, Longtail!
Longtail: KITTYPET! KITTY-
Whitestorm: We get it, homie!
Lionheart: (Whispers into Rustman’s ear) fight him, for cryin’ out loud!
Rustman: (Attacks Longtail)
Longtail: AIEE! (Scratches Rustman badly)
Rustman: HISS! (Cuts Longtail’s ear)
Longtail: OW! (Pulls on Rustman’s collar)
Lionheart: This is so boring. Let’s make it a little more fun . . . (Throws dynamite at Longtail and Rustman)
Longtail/Rustman: (Froze as they stared at the dynamite right next to them) uh . . . oh . . .
*KABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!*
*RUSTMAN AND LONGTAIL STAND THERE WITH SINGED FUR, RUSTMAN’S COLLAR FALLS ON HIS HEAD AND LANDS ON THE GROUND, AND THE TIP OF RUSTMAN’S TAIL IS ON FIRE*
Bluestar: It’s a sign from StarClan! The collar was ripped from Rustman’s neck, so it means he’s no longer a kittypet, and Rustman’s apprentice name shall be Firepaw because the tip of his tail is in flames . . . (Rainstorm comes and washes the fire out). . . I mean . . . because of his flame colored pelt.
Firepaw: That’s cool.
Graypaw: That was awesome, dude.
Firepaw: Really? You thought my fighting was cool?
Graypaw: NO! I mean, I just won my video game.
Firepaw: Awesome! What game is it? (Looks at Graypaw’s Nintendo DS screens) hey, the twoleg kits at my twoleg nest played that game all the time!
Graypaw: (Throws DS into the bushes) I never played it and I never will.
Mysterious Noise: AIEE!
Graypaw: Uh . . . oh.
Ravenpaw: (Comes into the camp with a party hat on his head, cake frosting on his mouth, and silly string on his pelt) OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG REDTAIL IS DEAD!

[Raincloud]

Chapter 4

Bluestar: Are you sure, Ravenpaw? You look like you’ve just been to a . . . you know . . . BIRTHDAY PARTY!
Ravenpaw: (Grins) yeah . . . about that-
Bluestar: Just . . . tell me about the party later . . . (Lightning bolt hits her) . . . do tell!
Ravenpaw: Well, since Silverstream couldn’t have her birthday party a few sunrises ago, she had it today. We all joined the party and it was REALLY fun! Oakheart and Evil played Candy Land and Oakheart beat him!
Bluestar: Grr . . . OAKHEART IS A GREAT WARRIOR AND THERE’S NOTHING FUNNY ABOUT HIM HAVING TO PLAY CANDY LAND!
The Rest of ThunderClan: . . .
Bluestar: . . . I’ve said too much.
Ravenpaw: Then Evil got angry because he lost and he started to fight and then rocks fell on Oakheart, then he died-
Bluestar: HE DIED?! (Faints)
Ravenpaw: O . . . K . . . I thought I was supposed to faint, not Bluestar. Anyway, then Evil pushed me under some rocks, then he told me to come back here, then I saw Evil kill Redtail- (Gets shot by a tranquilizer)
Evil: (Holding Redtail in his teeth) I DIDN’T KILL HIM . . . OAKHEART DID!
Bluestar: (After being conscious again) OAKHEART KILLED SOMEONE?! (Faints)
Spottedleaf: I thought I only had to treat Ravenpaw for passing out, but NOOO! Bluestar had to faint too! (Drags both of them into her den)
Graypaw: . . . so . . . what do we do now?
Evil: Make me deputy!
Whitestorm: Cool it, dawg, ol’ Bluey sick and it’s not moon-up yet!
Graypaw: Oh, Firepaw, did I ever mention to you that Whitestorm read a book about teenage slang?
Firepaw: *GASP* No!
Graypaw: YES! Also, Evil’s name used to be Tigerclaw.
Firepaw: No!
Graypaw: YES, and one more thing . . . it was totally obvious that Evil was going to kill Redtail, but only Bluestar wouldn’t believe him.
Firepaw: No . . . why was it so obvious?
Graypaw: Well . . .
*MOVIE CLIP OF THE THUNDERCLAN CAMP YESTERDAY: EVIL RUNS IN CIRCLES IN THE MIDDLE OF THE CLEARING SHOUTING “I’M GONNA KILL REDTAIL! I’M GONNA KILL REDTAIL!”*
Firepaw: Oh.
Dustpaw: NOOOO! Redtail! WHYYYYYYYYYYYYY?!
Graypaw: Dustpaw was Redtail’s apprentice.
Firepaw: Oh.
Graypaw: You can’t go to his funeral because you didn’t know him long enough.
Firepaw: Aw.
Sandpaw: Do I HAVE to sleep with that kittypet stench our den?
Whitestorm: Yeah, homeslice, ya do!
Graypaw: Sandpaw is Whitestorm’s apprentice.
Firepaw: Why would anyone give Whitestorm an apprentice?
Whitestorm: ‘Cause if I were any cooler . . . I’d be frozen!
Firepaw: O . . . K . . .
Evil: (Prodding Ravenpaw with a long claw) GET UP!
Firepaw: WOWZERS! That’s a long claw!
Graypaw: I wouldn’t want to get in a fight with him.
Spottedleaf: . . .
Evil: (Punches Ravenpaw) WAKE UP!
Firepaw: Ow. I’m glad I’m not Ravenpaw.
Graypaw: Isn’t Spottedleaf going to do something about this. She’s right next to him!
Spottedleaf: . . .
Evil: (Whacks Ravenpaw with a yardstick) (Between whacks) GET – UP – RAVEN – PAW!
Firepaw: (Flinches) OUCH! That’s gotta hurt!
Graypaw: Yeah. (Takes out a megaphone and shouts into it) SPOTTEDLEAF! WHAT EVIL IS DOING TO RAVENPAW IS WRONG!
Spottedleaf: Gimme that! (Takes yardstick and breaks it)
Firepaw: Finally, Spottedleaf is actually doing something to help Ravenpaw.
Spottedleaf: Yardsticks are so old school. Use this! (Gives Evil Firepaw’s lightsaber)
Firepaw: HEY, that’s MY lightsaber.
Spottedleaf: So? What are YOU gonna do about it . . . (looks at Firepaw) . . . You’re cute!
Firepaw: (Flicks hair) Thanks.
Spottedleaf: Here. (Gives lightsaber to Firepaw)
Firepaw: Thank you very . . . much. Hey, why does it say “I LOVE U” on here?
Spottedleaf: SHHHH!
Firepaw: Sorry.
Lionheart: Hey! Bluestar’s conscious again!
Bluestar: Yes, and I shall give Redtail his funeral now.
*THE MOURNERS GATHER BY REDTAIL AND BLUESTAR*
Bluestar: Oh, Redtail, you’ve been a great deputy . . .
Whitestorm: LET’S PARTY! (Mourners form a conga line)
Mourners: Duh-duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, DUH! Duh-duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, DUH! Duh-duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, DUH!
Bluestar: GUYS! Can we have a little self control, here?
Lionheart: Uh . . . I don’t think so. We’re insane!
Mourners: YEAH! Duh-duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, DUH! Duh-duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, DUH! Duh-duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, DUH!
Bluestar: Why must I lead a clan full of idiots?
Whitestorm: Don’t know homie.
Bluestar: Anyway, I will announce the new deputy that will be . . . drum roll please!
Drum Roll Guy: TRTRTRTRTRTRTRTRTRTRTRTRTRTR . . . (Symbols Crash)
Bluestar: Lionheart!
Lionheart: Yay!
Evil: Why not ME?!
Bluestar: You whacked Ravenpaw with a yardstick!
Evil: Drat. I knew I should’ve used the lightsaber.
Graypaw: Hey, Firepaw, want to have a mouse?
Firepaw: Sure. (Eats mouse and then bounces off the camp walls) THIS IS SOOOOOOOOOOOO COOL! What are the ingredients?
Graypaw: . . . mouse . . . ?
Firepaw: Oh.
Sandpaw: Don’t sleep near me tonight.
Firepaw: Okay. I’m a member of ThunderClan now.
Graypaw: Dude, that was totally random.

[Raincloud]

Chapter 4

Firepaw: I start training today. Yipee!
Graypaw: Yipee!
Firepaw: (Happy dances near Sandpaw)
Sandpaw: HEY! I told you to stay away from me.
Firepaw: Sorry.
Graypaw: Ravenpaw’s not training with us today because the tranquilizer is still affecting him.
Firepaw: How . . . ?
*ZOOMS INTO SPOTTEDLEAF’S DEN*
Ravenpaw: Feiuefiehrpgwhfgfjvei8tpargqp383grehielhgrui390o0!
Spottedleaf: SHUT UP! I’M BUSY DAYDREAMING ABOUT FIREPAW!
*ZOOMS BACK INTO THE APPRENTICES DEN*
Firepaw: Oh, so THAT’S what happened to Smudge . . .
Graypaw: Who’s Smudge?
Firepaw: Nobody.
Graypaw: (Looks at the sun) Oh, no! We’re late!
*FIREPAW AND GRAYPAW RUN TO EVIL AND LIONHEART*
Evil: Don’t be late next time.
Graypaw: Okay.
Lionheart: Chill, Evil. It was a busy night and I’m sure they were tired.
Evil: Tired, shmired! Warriors are ALWAYS on time no matter what.
Firepaw: Okey-dokey!
Evil: So . . . what do we do first?
Lionheart: You’re one of their mentors. YOU were supposed to plan our training session today!
Evil: Okay, let’s watch a video of me killing Redtail!
Graypaw: . . . err . . . that’s not exactly training.
Firepaw: Yeah. That’s just watching you look powerful.
Lionheart: How about we give them a tour around ThunderClan territory.
Firepaw/Graypaw: YEAH!
Evil: But be vewy qwiet . . . dair might be cat-eating wabbits owt dair.
Graypaw: AIEE!
Cat-Eating-Rabbit: RAAAAAARW!
Evil: Didn’t I just tell you to be quiet?
Graypaw: I thought you were just kidding!
Cat-Eating-Rabbit: RAAAAAARW!
Firepaw: Hold me! (Jumps into Graypaw’s arms)
Graypaw: (Drops Firepaw)
Firepaw: MREOW!
Cat-Eating-Rabbit: RAAAAAARW!
Graypaw: Hold me! (Attempts to jump into Firepaw’s arms but just falls in front of him) MREOW!
Lionheart: Run!
Evil: No! We are warriors. We stand and fight.
Cat-Eating-Rabbit: RAAAAAARW! (Breaths fire on Evil)
Evil: LET'S GO LET'S GO LET'S GOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! (Runs back to camp with the others)
Bluestar: So, were you four able to do anything productive?
Firepaw: Well . . . we did find a giant Cat-Eating-Rabbit.
Bluestar: Stop making jokes. There are no such things as cat-eating-rabbits!
Cat-Eating-Rabbit: RAAAAAARW!
Bluestar: . . . I . . . stand . . . corrected.
*THE NEXT MORNING*
Ravenpaw: I’m normal again!
Lionheart: Okay everyone. We’re going to learn hunting skills.
Ravenpaw/Firepaw/Graypaw: YEAH!
Evil: Show us your best hunting stalks.
Graypaw: Okay, guys, you know what to do. (Ravenpaw and Firepaw nod)
Ravenpaw/Firepaw: (Hum background music) OOOOOOOOH . . .
Graypaw: (Singing just like Gabriella in High School Musical (which I don’t own)) it’s funny when you find yourself lookin’ from the outside . . .
Lionheart: (As Graypaw’s still singing) that’s not a hunting stalk.
Evil: I’m touched; I never knew Graypaw was such a good singer. (Cries)
Graypaw: (Singing) why did I let myself believe miracles could happen? ‘Cause now I have to pretend that I don’t really care . . .
Lionheart: Alright stop! (DJ scratching noise) Do you even know what a hunting stalk is?
Graypaw: (Still in his ‘Gabriella’ voice) uh, no sir . . . (back to normal voice) I mean . . . no sir.
Lionheart: Fine. Then I’ll show you what a hunting stalk is. Try to copy exactly what I do. (Trips over a rock)
Ravenpaw/Firepaw/Graypaw: (Shrug their shoulders then trip over rocks)
Lionheart: (Slaps face) Oy vey.
Ravenpaw/Firepaw/Graypaw: (Slap their faces) Oy vey.
Lionheart: STOP COPPYING ME!
Ravenpaw/Firepaw/Graypaw: STOP COPPYING ME!
Evil: Stop copying Lionheart, guys.
Graypaw: Why didn’t you just say so?
Lionheart: Just try to do this. (Does hunting stalk)
Ravenpaw/Firepaw/Graypaw: (Do perfect hunting stalks)
Lionheart: I’m impressed! Apprentices usually don’t get it the first time.
Evil: Even I can’t argue with that.
Lionheart: Try to catch some food.
Ravenpaw/Firepaw/Graypaw: Okey-dokey!
Firepaw: (Somewhere in the forest by himself) hmm . . . where should I look first?
Cat-Eating-Rabbit: RAAAAAAWR!
Firepaw: I’m gonna make sure you don’t harm ANY cat in this forest! Gr-aaar! (Kills Cat-Eating-Rabbit) Yay, I’m now a true ThunderClan apprentice!

Just so you know, the last chapter I posted was supposed to be chapter 3.

[Raincloud]

Chapter 5

*AT THE THUNDERCLAN CAMP*
Ravenpaw/Evil: (Come into the camp)
Ravenpaw: I caught a mouse! (Drops mouse in fresh-kill pile)
Graypaw/Lionheart: (Come into the camp)
Graypaw: I caught a vole! (Drops vole in fresh-kill pile)
Firepaw: (Breaks open the camp wall trying to bring in a giant cat-eating-rabbit) I caught a giant cat-eating-rabbit! (Drags rabbit over to the fresh-kill pile)
ThunderClan: (Stare at Firepaw)
Random ThunderClanner: (Faints)
Firepaw: (Grins)
Bluestar: Now we shall have enough fresh kill for many moons!
ThunderClan: Yay!
Bluestar: . . . err . . . now we can continue our clan duties.
ThunderClan: Oh. (Walk away)
*TWO MOONS LATER*
Firepaw: Hey, a mouse! (Mouse runs away) Who’s there?
Graypaw: (Attacks Firepaw)
Firepaw: Hey! You scared off my lunch!
Graypaw: Sorry. I’m just on my way to my first solo assignment. Bravely going up to a WindClan patrol and taking them my message.
Firepaw: I must hunt for the clan.
Graypaw: Okay. Bye.
Firepaw: Bye. (Once Graypaw is out of sight, heads toward the thunderpath) Hmm . . . I wonder what it feels like. (Puts a paw on the path then a monster runs over it) Ow! Can’t you see my paw was on there . . .
*ACROSS THE THUNDERPATH, FIREPAW DISCOVERS A SHE-CAT PLAYING A VIOLIN. EVEN THE AUTHOR HAS MANY QUESTIONS ABOUT THIS. THE FIRST QUESTION WOULD BE HOW THE CAT COULD HOLD THE VIOLIN. MAYBE THERE’S JUST A NEW GENERATION OF CATS WITH POSEIBLE THUMBS.*
Firepaw: It’s a ShadowClan cat! Cool.

[Raincloud]

Chapter 6

Firepaw: (After a monster passes, the she-cat mysteriously disappears) Maybe I should just leave.
Yellowfang: AIEE! (Attacks Firepaw)
Firepaw: Ah!
Yellowfang: You’ve discovered my deep dark secret!
Firepaw: What deep dark secret?!
Yellowfang: That I can play the violin.
Firepaw: I thought ALL ShadowClan cats could play the violin.
Yellowfang: That’s a myth, dumb apprentice.
Firepaw: Grr . . . (Cuts Yellowfang’s fangs off)
Yellowfang: How did you do that? My mouth wasn’t even open!
Firepaw: You can call me a kittypet, you can call me small, but call me dumb and FEEL MY WRATH!
Yellowfang: . . . wow. I’m hungry.
Firepaw: (Holding a rabbit in his jaws) Here’s a rabbit we can share!
Yellowfang: How did you get the rabbit so fast?
Firepaw: I stopped time.
Yellowfang: . . . HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA . . . HAHA . . . Ah . . . no, seriously.
Firepaw: Really, it was just sitting next to me. Then I killed it.
Yellowfang: Ah.
Evil: FIREPAW!
Firepaw: Oops. I just realized that I just broke the warrior code, which is really bad, especially if you are a cat living with one of the clans.
Bluestar: What’s going on here?
Yellowfang: I can’t play the violin!
Firepaw: YES SHE CAN-
Yellowfang: Yeah, thanks man.
Bluestar: YOU CAN?!
Evil: (Takes out a cell phone and dials numbers) Hello? Is this World News? Yes, we have a violin-playing cat right here!
Yellowfang/Firepaw/Bluestar: (Stare in horror)
World News Operator: (Listens to cat noises) Uh . . . hello?
Evil: Wait, IT'S A TWOLEG! AAAAAAAAAH! (Smashes his cell phone with a hammer)
Yellowfang: Phew!
Evil: We MUST announce this at the gathering!
Yellowfang: (Faints)
Bluestar: Wait one second . . . your fangs, they got cut off!
Firepaw: I cut them off!
Bluestar: I’m angry with you that you broke the warrior code, but you attacked well.
Firepaw: So I’m off the hook-
Bluestar: NOOOO way!
Firepaw: Aw . . .
Bluestar: From now on, your name shall be Nofang.
Nofang (Yellowfang): Sweet. The name Yellowfang did seem kind of gross, like they were implying that my teeth weren’t clean.
Firepaw: They aren’t clean.
Nofang: SHUT UP, LOWLY APPRENTICE!
Firepaw: Am shutting up! (Does zip-lips-and-throw-away-key sign) . . . !! . . . (Runs after the place he threw his imaginary key)
Bluestar: I lead a clan of idiots.
Nofang: Our clan had idiots!
Bluestar: What a coincidence. We both have clans with idiots.
Nofang/Bluestar: (Do a secret handshake)
Evil: You’re saying that I’M and idiot?!
Bluestar: Well, you want to train apprentices by having them watch videos of you, you try calling twolegs, you whack Ravenpaw with a yardstick, and you run around the camp saying “I’m gonna kill Redtail!”
Evil: Would that be what an idiot would do?
Nofang/Bluestar: (Nod their heads slowly)
Firepaw: (Returns and sits by the other three cats)
Bluestar: . . .
Evil: . . .
Firepaw: . . .
Nofang: . . .
Bluestar: Let’s all go back to camp.
*BACK AT THE CAMP LATER*
Bluestar: . . . And that’s the whole story.
Mousefur: Are you sure you didn’t hit your head on a low hanging branch, Bluestar? ‘Cause it’s kind of impossible for a cat to play the violin.
Nofang: (Plays the violin)
Mousefur: (Faints)
Spottedleaf: Oh, great. More cats to look after.
Bluestar: So Firepaw’s punishment will be to look after Nofang.
Firepaw: EW!
Nofang: Aw, you don’t have to take care of me. I have good personal hygiene.
*MOVIE CLIP OF SHADOWCLAN CAMP YESTERDAY: NOFANG’S FUR IS NOT GROOMED, SHE TALKED TO SOMEONE AND THEY RAN OFF SQUEALING “MY NOSE! AAAAAAH” AND SHE SCRATCHED HER ARMPITS AND THEN TOOK A NAP*
Graypaw: Yeah, that’s good personal hygiene alright.
Longtail: Outsiders ALWAYS bring trouble.
Lionheart: Someone give this guy a script.
Longtail: I’m early again? Shoot.
Bluestar: Also, I will mentor Firepaw.
ThunderClan: Lucky!
Spottedleaf: No fair. Why can’t he become a medicine cat apprentice? I LOVE him-
Bluestar: WHAT did you just say?
Spottedleaf: Nothing.
Longtail: Can I say it yet?
Lionheart: YES, NOW you can say it.
Longtail: (Narrows eyes at Firepaw) Outsiders ALWAYS bring trouble.

[Raincloud]

Chapter 7

Graypaw: You should help Nofang.
Firepaw: Okey-dokey!
Nofang: I feel so humiliated being cared for by a KITTYPET!
Firepaw: Grr . . .
Nofang: You said earlier that I could call you kittypet.
Firepaw: Well, I changed my mind! (Unsheathes claws)
Nofang: You’ll be in even more trouble if you attack me.
Firepaw: True.
Nofang: GET ME SOME POPPY SEEDS!
Firepaw: OKAY! OKAY! (Walks to Spottedleaf)
Spottedleaf: Look, cat, I don’t want to be bothered right now . . . oh, hello, Firepaw!
Firepaw: I need poppy seeds for Nofang.
Spottedleaf: Whatever you say.
Firepaw: Isn’t it against the warrior code for you to fall in love-
Spottedleaf: DON’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!
Firepaw: Sorry. (Runs off with poppy seeds)
Nofang: Now . . . GET ME SOME FOOD!
*THREE DAYS LATER*
Dustpaw: You can’t train today because you’re taking care of Nofang! HAHA!
Sandpaw: Yeah. Maybe you should be Spottedleaf’s apprentice.
Spottedleaf: *GASP* Yay!
Firepaw: I’ll be back to warrior training soon, though.
Spottedleaf: Mouse dung.
Firepaw: Uh, Spottedleaf, I’ll need some stuff to take care of Nofang . . .
*NEXT FEW THINGS HAPPENING WHILE FIREPAW IS CARING FOR NOFANG*
Whitestorm: (Randomly walks over to Willowpelt) Hello, dadio! You are one cool cat!
Willowpelt: Dadio? But I’m a SHE-cat!
Whitestorm: Anyway, what’s crackalakin’, homie?
Willowpelt: (Backs away slowly) you’re scaring me . . .
*LATER*
Birdman: (Runs through the clearing)
Halftail: . . . O . . . K . . . ?
Firepaw: I’m done!
Graypaw: Hey, Firepaw, Ravenpaw impressed Evil today!
Firepaw: How?
Ravenpaw: Oh, Graypaw. All I did was sprout wings, fly to the moon, get some ice cream from Florida for everyone in the twoleg world, fly back here, then battle with the leader of RiverClan.
Firepaw: How could THAT impress Evil?
Evil: Because I like pencils.
Firepaw: That makes sense.
Graypaw/Ravenpaw: (Confused looks on their faces)
Firepaw: Oh, mouse dung! I just realized that I haven’t given Nofang her daily dose of beer yet.
Graypaw: I’ll do it for you.
Firepaw: I’M supposed to do it!
Graypaw: Do you want to not do this or not?
Firepaw: Okay, you do it.
Graypaw: Yay!
Evil: HALT! Who goes there?!
Graypaw: Firepaw!
Evil: Enter.
Graypaw: Okay.
Evil: But first, you must drink that beer you are holding.
Graypaw: But it’s illegal to drink alcohol unless you’re a warrior.
Evil: And why exactly did they call me Evil?
Graypaw: Okay . . . (drinks beer) . . . I like chocolate! Doopey, doopey, doo!
Nofang: WHERE’S MY BUD LIGHT?! OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!
Firepaw: (Runs up to Graypaw) Graypaw! Are you okay?
Graypaw: Gimme some of your poetry and I will send you to Kenya.
Firepaw: Wha . . . ?
Nofang: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!

[Raincloud]

Chapter 8

Firepaw: I had the worst night EVER! I dreamed that I had to take care of a cat named Nofang, and there were all these moaning sounds all night, and there was Birdman, and . . . and . . .
Nofang: (In Firepaw’s face) Surprise.
Firepaw: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Nofang: Now give me some new bedding.
Firepaw: Okey-dokey!
Bluestar: Leave THAT to the queens. You need some warrior training.
Firepaw: Really! YEEES! I’M FREE FROM MEDICINE CAT TORTURE!
Spottedleaf: NOOO! I liked having Firepaw come to my den all the time!
*AT THEIR FAVORITE TREESTUMP*
Graypaw: We’re being tested today.
Firepaw: Sweet.
Evil: Alright. I want Graypaw and Ravenpaw to hunt wherever they want and Firepaw to hunt around twolegplace.
Firepaw: . . . because you want to catch me trying to go back to kittypet life?
Evil: Exactly. Now GO!
Ravenpaw/Graypaw/Firepaw: (Run away)
*SOMETIME AFTER FIREPAW CAUGHT 11 MICE*
Firepaw: Who shall be my next victim? Hehe . . .
Mysterious Cat: (Runs into a tree)
Firepaw: Get out, intruder! Gr-aaar! (Attacks mysterious cat) . . . Smudge?!
Smudge: . . . Rusty?!
Firepaw: It’s FIREPAW now. Also . . . you can talk normally again?!
Smudge: I just got shot by my twolegs.
Firepaw: With a tranquilizer?
Smudge: Yeah, that’s it . . . HOW CAN YOU STILL BE ALIVE?!
Evil: (Hiding behind a tree while the two are talking) Oh, yes! OH, YES! Firepaw’s talking to a kittypet. Now I can tell Bluestar and then she’ll banish him from the clan! Then after that, (rubs paws together evilly) I shall be ruler of the penguins! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
*AT CAMP LATER*
Firepaw: (Comes into camp with a chaffinch)
Evil: That’s PATHETIC!
Firepaw: (Snaps fingers)
*A GIANT DUMP TRUCK BREAKS OPEN CAMP WALL THAT CATS JUST FINISHED REPAIRING AND DUMPS TONS OF PREY ONTO EVIL*
Bluestar: Firepaw, you are our hero! We never go hungry because of you.
ThunderClan: Hoorah!
Evil: . . . ow.
Graypaw: (Comes into camp and stares at massive pile of prey) FLYING HEDGEHOGS! WHAT HAPPENED?!
Ravenpaw: (Comes into camp with an adder)
Firepaw: HELLOOOOO? Don’t you see all the prey I got?
Ravenpaw: Prey, shmrey. I got an adder.
Bluestar: You were brave enough to kill an adder?
ThunderClan: Hoorah!
Evil: The pain. The agony. Someone help me.
ThunderClan: Nah.
Evil: Okay. I’ll just stay here then.
*THE DAY WHEN ALL OF FIREPAW’S CAUGHT PREY IS EATEN*
Evil: I’m FREE!
Ravenpaw: What should we do with this adder?
Graypaw: Let’s play hot adder!
Ravenpaw/Firepaw: YEAH!
Graypaw: Firepaw, catch! (Throws adder to Firepaw)
Firepaw: (Misses and adder lands on Sandpaw’s face) Oops.
Sandpaw: . . . AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! (Runs to Hawaii)
Dustpaw: Sandpaw, come back! (Runs after Sandpaw)
Rainpelt: That’s how Sandpaw and Dustpaw could not go to the gathering-
Ravenpaw: Wait a second, how can someone RUN to Hawaii? They’d have to run across the Atlantic Ocean, and then cross half of the Pacific Ocean.
Rainpelt: And I could ask how you know so much about oceans.
Ravenpaw: True.
Rainpelt: Who IS writing this story anyway?
Ravenpaw/Graypaw/Firepaw: (Stare at Rainpelt)
Rainpelt: Oh! Right! Uh, hem . . . let’s carry on with the story, shall we?
Evil: Firepaw! Bluestar wants you!
Firepaw: Okay.
Bluestar: Evil told me you went into your old twoleg nest, got food from them, told them you wished you could come back home, then have a party with your old kittypet friends. Is this true?
Firepaw: No.
Bluestar: Good. You’re destined to save the clan.
Firepaw: Sweet.
Bluestar: Also, you and your two friends may go to the gathering.
Firepaw: Because Sandpaw and Dustpaw are in Hawaii?
Bluestar: They’re in HAWAII?! How could they pay for airline tickets?!
Firepaw: I don’t know . . .
Bluestar: (Runs to Gatwick International Airport)
Firepaw: Gee. I sure hope she’s back by the time the gathering starts . . .

Just so you know, the Gatwick International Airport is a real airport in London, England. I've been there.

[Raincloud]

Chapter 9

Bluestar: (Runs back to camp panting) Sorry I’m late, but . . .
ThunderClan: (Glaring at her)
Bluestar: . . . I wanted to know if Sandpaw and Dustpaw got on the 1:30 or 5:55 flight to Hawaii.
ThunderClan: (Still glaring at her)
Bluestar: Alright, ThunderClan, let’s go already.
Mousefur: The gathering started three hours ago.
Bluestar: Well, maybe if we run fast we can make it.
ThunderClan: (Magically appear at Fourtrees three hours ago)
Bluestar: That was technically impossible.
Longtail: Hey, many things happened that were impossible. Ever since the battle with RiverClan over Sunningrocks, all the cats have clearly gone insane except for Bluestar.
Bluestar: I’ll tell that to everyone.
Ravenpaw: I think it’s all Raincloud’s fault.
Bluestar: Who’s Raincloud?
Raincloud: Hello, cats!
ThunderClan/RiverClan/ShadowClan: Hello, Raincloud!
Bluestar: This is getting ridiculous. We must start the gathering.
Raincloud: Bye, cats!
ThunderClan/RiverClan/ShadowClan: Bye, Raincloud!
Brokenstar: Let’s begin with ME.
Crookedstar/Bluestar: Okey-dokey!
Brokenstar: What’s up with all this ‘Okey-dokey’ stuff? It’s such an annoying word!
Crookedstar/Bluestar: Sorry.
Brokenstar: Anyway, let us hunt in your territories or FEEL OUR WRATH!
ShadowClan: (Bare fangs and unsheathe claws)
Crookedstar: Is that what happened to WindClan?
Brokenstar: Yes.
Crookedstar: Sweet.
Bluestar: First of all, it’s not ‘sweet’ that WindClan disappeared. Second of all, WindClan disappeared?!
Brokenstar: Yes. We drove them out because they wouldn’t let us hunt on their territory.
Bluestar: But that’s clearly against the warrior code!
Brokenstar: (kneeling at Bluestar’s paws) PLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASE PLEEEEEEEEEEEEASE let us hunt on your territory!
Bluestar: No.
Brokenstar: Fine. Then I have more news for you. We drove out the cat that murdered the cat I murdered.
Firepaw: That doesn’t make any sense.
Brokenstar: SHUT UP, LOWLY APPRENTICE!
Firepaw: Fine. I’m just making a point.
Brokenstar: Anyway, she has bad personal hygiene . . .
Firepaw: (Whispering) that’s Nofang . . .
Brokenstar: Needs beer every night . . .
Firepaw: (Whispering) that’s Nofang . . .
Brokenstar: Has yellow fangs . . .
Firepaw (Whispering) that’s ALMOST Nofang . . .
Brokenstar: And . . . plays the violin.
Firepaw: THAT’S NOFANG!
Brokenstar: yeah, and she kills kits . . . did you just say NOfang?
Bluestar: RUN, THUNDERCLAN! SHE MIGHT START KILLING FROSTFUR’S KITS RIGHT NOW!!
ThunderClan: (Run away)
Crookedstar/Brokenstar: (Watch ThunderClan leave in silence)
Crookedstar: Should we just end the gathering now?
Brokenstar: Sure.
RiverClan/ShadowClan: (Leave)

[KAT]

OKAY

[;R.o.c.k.y.w.a.v.e;]

BEST. PARODY. EVER. I'll review later, but I'm too lazy now XD

[snowpaw]

OMG ROFLMAO

[Ripplepelt]

I'm a guest right now,and I'm going to join later, but I have to say...


THAT WAS AWESOME AND FUNNY!!!

Thank you..-calms down now-

[Splashwave]

Story Name: Into The Wild (Odd Version)
Reveiwer Name: Splahwave

Plot: 2/10
Don't feel bad about the rank. Its common for comical stories because they never have much of a plot.

Readability: 10/10
As all script-written stories are, the readability flowed perfectly. Ask StarClan on their opinion on a bet, you soon will be the most mouse-wealthy cat in all of the forest.

Mechanics: 10/10
I caught no mistakes, misspellings, or other "oopsies".

Originality: 9/10
The uniqueness for all the jokes is incredible. Even I, being a comedy-master, couldn't think of all of them.

Characters: 5/10
I have to admit it, many of the cats where out of character. Spottedleaf is more serious and doesn't make it nearly as obvious that she loves Firestar, Whitestorm is far more serious, and Tigerstar- what villain in his right mind would go around saying what he is plotting to do of which must stay hidden? This rating is natural, as the description explained that they are meant to be strangly idiotic.

Description: 9/10
You forgot to mention that Whitestorm has gone all "gangsta".

Continuity: 0/10
Me want more. Case closed.

Humor: 100/10
This is the funniest fanfic I've ever read. Raincloud, you are so talented in humor that your rating here is off the meter.

Sorry, no percentage. I don't know how to calculate it.