Fire and Ice: Odd Version }{ UF; Humor

[Raincloud]

Title: Fire and Ice: Odd Version
Chapters: less than 30
Author: Raincloud
Pairing: None.
Rating: G
Summary: It's a mixed up version of Fire and Ice. Darkstripe appears in the series for the first time (so does WindClan), Tigerclaw's name is still Evil, and others think Fireheart is a rabbit. Don't ask.
Warning: There's some killing and stuff, but no graphic violence. It's like the Fire and Ice plot except with some twists.
Disclaimer: I don't own warriors.
Beta: None.
Cover: None.

Author's Notes: This is my second fanfic and my sequel to Into the Wild: Odd Version.

Prolouge

Darkstripe: Hey, everyone! I’m Darkstripe. You may be thinking, hey, this isn’t how the prologue is supposed to go. It’s supposed to be WindClan trying to find a place to live after Brokenstar drove them out! On the contrary, I’m here instead! Rainpelt thought that part was too boring. So, where should we start? Oh, I’m back from my long, expensive journey of enlightenment to the medieval times, where there were knights, kings, and noble steeds. Unfortunately, those knights were smarter than I thought and they cut me to pieces with their swords. Wonder how I’m still alive? StarClan decided since I ACCIDENTALLY stepped into a time machine, they would heal all my wounds. Aren’t they full of love? Then I went to about 13 moons into the future, where I saw Raincloud *CENSORED; TOO EMBARRASSING*
Raincloud: Just for that, I’m kicking you out of the story. (Kicks Darkstripe)
Darkstripe: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Barkface: (Looks at Darkstripe soaring across the night sky) look! A shooting star! Make a wish, Tallstar.
Tallstar: I wish I could win a trip to Busch Gardens.
Darkstripe: (Lands in Australia) Someday, I should just learn to shut up.

*DAWN*
ThunderClan: Zzz . . . zzz . . .
Rouges: (Enter camp confused)
Rouge: (Breaks a twig)
ThunderClan: AAAH!
Rouges: AAAH!
ThunderClan: AAAH!
Rouges: AAAH!
ThunderClan: AAAH!
Rouge: AAAH! (Run away)
Graystripe: What was the point of all that?
Fireheart: I don’t really know.
Sandpaw: Oh, look! I’m the great warrior Fireheart! (Does stupid dance)
Fireheart: How RUDE!
Graystripe: I hope Whitestorm has her chasing orange squirrels all day.
Raincloud: CUT! Graystripe, you’re supposed to say BLUE squirrels! Also, squirrels can actually be orange so it’s not funny.
Graystripe: YOU’RE responsible for what I say . . . what we all say.
Raincloud: So I can do this? (Types some letters on a keyboard)
Evil: I like to sing! I like to dance! I like to put ants in Bluestar’s pants! (Puts ants in his own pants) Oh, no! I did it again! AAAH! (Runs away)
Fireheart: I wish Ravenpaw was here to see this.
Raincloud: Now you must say who Ravenpaw was and what happened to him.
Fireheart: Why?
Raincloud: Because the readers may not have read the first story.
Fireheart: If they didn’t read the first story why would they read the second story?
Raincloud: Never mind. Let’s start from after Fireheart says “How RUDE!” (Speaks into megaphone) and . . . ACTION!
Graystripe: I hope Whitestorm has her chasing blue squirrels all day.
Studio Audience: HAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAAHA!
Fireheart: But . . . there are no such things as blue squirrels.
Graystripe: Precisely!
Studio Audience: HAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAAHA!
*LATER*
Fireheart: Hi, Spottedleaf.
Spottedleaf: Fire alone can save the clan.
Fireheart: Why must you say this to me again?
Evil: Did you know you talk in your sleep?
Fireheart: (Wakes up) AAAH!
Evil: I’ll take that as a yes.
Fireheart: I have a question for you: why were you born?
Evil: . . . Uh . . . I don’t really know.
Fireheart: That’s my answer too!
Evil: Sweet! By the way, you’re going to the gathering.
Fireheart: Cool.
Bluestar: Your name shall be Swiftpaw.
Swiftpaw: Um . . . cool?
Bluestar: Your mentor is Longtail.
Swiftpaw: Fine.
*ON THE WAY TO THE GATHERING*
Fireheart: Evil killed Redtail.
Bluestar: Why are you telling me this?
Fireheart: So you can get rid of Evil.
Bluestar: He’s my deputy. Why would I get rid of him?
Fireheart: HE’S A MURDERER!
Bluestar: I know you may have heard Evil say that one day, but I don’t believe it and I’m the leader and what I say is the warrior code so shut up about it or I’ll send you back to your twolegs.
Fireheart: You wouldn’t!
Bluestar: Oh, yes. I would. (Makes an evil grin)

[;R.o.c.k.y.w.a.v.e;]

w00t! You made the sequel!

[Raincloud]

Chapter 2

Nightstar: No, I’ll do it!
Crookedstar: No, I’ll do it!
Bluestar: What’s going on here?
Nightstar: I want to hunt in WindClan’s territory, but Crookedstar wants to too. How should we decide who gets to hunt in WindClan’s territory?
Bluestar: Nobody should be-
Fireheart: How about a singing contest?
Nightstar/Crookedstar: YEAH!
Fireheart: Welcome to “I SING BETTER THAN YOU!” Today’s contestants, Nightstar and Crookedstar, will have their singing judged by our three judges, Graystripe, Evil, and Bluestar. The song they will sing is . . . “Nobody’s Perfect” by Hannah Montana!
Nightstar: Sometimes I’m in a jam. I’ve gotta make a plan.
Crookedstar: It might be . . . I . . . anyway . . .
Nightstar: The way to know for sure. I figure out a cure.
Crookedstar: I’m . . . ?
Nightstar: If I’m not doin’ too well, *CLAP-CLAP, CLAP*
Crookedstar: . . . huh? I don’t get it!
Nightstar/Crookedstar: Nobody’s perfect!
Nightstar: I gotta work it again and again ‘till I get it right.
Evil: SHUT UP! (DJ scratching noise)
Graystripe: Nightstar, you were too cool! I give you a ten!
Evil: You rocked my socks off! You also rocked the ants out of my pants. I’ll give you a ten!
Bluestar: I don’t believe in singing just to get territory, but I’ll just give you a ten anyway.
Fireheart: Nightstar got 30! That’s hard to beat. Now it’s time to judge Crookedstar.
Evil: You SUCKED! I’ll give you -1 for effort.
Bluestar: You didn’t do so well. Sorry, but I’m gonna have to give you a 1.
Graystripe: Are you two kidding me?! He fit the whole theme of the song. I give you 1,000,000!
Fireheart: And the crowd goes wild. Crookedstar got an impossible 1,000,000 points for his singing. He wins the territory in WindClan!
Crookedstar: (Surfs the crowd back to RiverClan)
Evil: This is the best gathering I’ve ever gone to!
Fireheart: You can say that again.
Evil: This is the best gathering I’ve ever gone to!
Bluestar: Let’s go back home.
*BACK AT CAMP*
Bluestar: . . . and that’s why Nightstar and Crookedstar want to be allies.
Mousefur: Because they sang against each other?
Bluestar: NO, because they want to get revenge on us for wanting to bring WindClan home. Weren’t you listening?
Longtail: She never listens well. She’s a robot!
Mousefur: (In robot tone) I-am-not-a-ro-bot. (Shoots lasers at Longtail) Mu-ah-ha-ha. I-shall-take-o-ver-the-world. (Transforms into a bulldozer and drives out of the camp)
Mousefur: (Right next to Fireheart) did you see my robot twin? She totally wants to take over the world. Isn’t that funny? HAHAHAHA!
Bluestar: This is just getting too crazy. Let’s all get a good night's sleep. Whitestrom, you organize the night patrol.
Whitestorm: Chilax, Bluey! We all need some Z’s!
Bluestar: Well it won’t be my fault if we get raided while we’re sleeping.
Whitestorm: Okizay!
*LATER*
Mysterious voice: EEEEEEEEEEEK! (Car squealing noise)
Fireheart: (Wakes up) Bluestar needs me.
Graystripe: Fireheart! Bluestar needs us.
Fireheart: I know that.
Graystripe: Oh.
Evil: ENTER! MUAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!
Graystripe: That doesn’t scare us.
Evil: (Gives Graystripe a picture of Brokenstar)
Graystripe: AAH! It burns!
Bluestar: Your mission is to bring WindClan back into their territories.
Fireheart: Cool! This is our first warrior mission.
Graystripe: You know, Bluey, you could be silly . . . like us-
Bluestar: WHICH . . . brings me to my next point: it seems that everyone in this forest has gone nutty.
Fireheart: (Flips through dictionary) Definition of nutty: Mentally unbalanced.
Graystripe: So?
Bluestar: SO, I don’t want any of you getting into any nonsense during your mission! Got it?
Fireheart: Yes, sir!
Bluestar: I’M A SHE-CAT!!!!!!!!!
Fireheart: (Faints)
Graystripe: Uh, Fireheart, she-cats don’t like it when you call them sir.
Fireheart: . . .

[Autumnstorm]

I love this!!!! Funny fan fiction! Just like the first one!!! ;D

This one and the first one even inspired me to model one with a similar style to yours... (If you don't mind ) It is just one scene though...

[sunsparrow]

fuuuuuuny

[Raincloud]

Chapter 3

Sandpaw: Jump off a cliff.
Graystripe: We’re on a mission and we can’t get into any nonsence.
Sandpaw: . . . Jump off a cliff.
Whitestorm: Chill, Sand dawg, they goin’ on a mission.
Sandpaw: Oh. Well on your way back, jump off a cliff.
Graystripe: Okay. I’ll try.
Fireheart: Bye.
*IN WINDCLAN TERRITORY*
Graystripe: Do you hear that mysterious chanting?
Fireheart: What chanting?
Graystripe: Listen!
RiverClan patrol: (Chanting) Catch-the-rab-bit-ooh-ha-ha-ha-catch-the-rab-bit-ooh-ha-ha-ha . . .
Leopardfur: RABBIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT! (Points towards Fireheart)
Fireheart: The kuku bird thinks I’m a rabbit.
Graystripe: So run.
Fireheart: Good idea! (Runs into a badger’s den)
Graystripe: The rabbit went that way (points towards carrion place)
RiverClan patrol: Thank-you-ooh-gah-ha! (Runs away)
*ROARING, SCRATCHING, YOWLING NOISES*
Fireheart: (Comes out of badger den all beat up)
Graystripe: I think you just got beat up by a badger.
Fireheart: You think?
*IN WINDCLAN CAMP*
Graystripe: There’s nothing here.
Fireheart: That’s technically impossible. If nothing was here, then-
Graystripe: I mean there are no WindClan cats here.
Fireheart: Of course.
Graystripe: What are we doing here, then?
Fireheart: . . .
*LATER*
Graystripe: Let’s get this party started!
WindClan: WHOO!
Raincloud: Upt-chi-whu- . . . Why is WindClan here?!
Fireheart: Don’t look at me. It was Graystripe’s idea.
Graystripe: What’s the point of us rescuing WindClan anyway?
Raincloud: You get to see Ravenpaw-
Graystripe: Ravenpaw?! REWIND!

*REWINDING REWINDING REWINDING REWINDING REWINDING*

Graykit: Hey, not dat far bak!

*FASTFORWARDING FASTFORWARDING FASTFORWARDING*

Graystripe: What are we doing here, then?
Fireheart: We’re going to track down their trail from here.
Graystripe: Now that we’ve got a good plan, nothing can stop us now!
*AN ALIEN SPACECRAFT HOVERS OVER THE TWO CATS AND ABDUCTS THEM. A FEW SECONDS AFTER THEY LEAVE, THEY GO BACK AND ABDUCT RAINCLOUD TOO*

[Pantherwing]

OH GOD! if it's possible, i died laughing, AGAIN!

PLEASE continue! PLEASE! ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

[Raincloud]

Chapter 4

Mysterious voice: EEEEEEEEEEEK! (Car squealing noise)
Police: What’s the problem, ma’am?
Twoleg: You won’t believe this, but I just saw a UFO . . .
Police: Uh, huh . . .
Twoleg: And it dropped down a gray cat . . .
Police: Uh, huh . . .
Twoleg: and a rabbit . . .
Police: Uh, huh . . .
Twoleg: and Batman . . .
Police: (Gives twoleg a strange look) Uh, huh . . .
Twoleg: and last, a parody writer!
Police: You’re nuts. (Drives away)
Fireheart: Graystripe, I heard that same noise sometime last night.
Graystripe: Déjà vu?
Fireheart: No, it must’ve been a prophecy. WindClan must be here!
Graystripe: Cool.
Fireheart: Quick! In this tunnel with the sign that says “WINDCLAN ARE LIVING HERE DO NOT ENTER OR ELSE YOU WILL BE SHOT BY TRANQUILIZERS!”
*INDEED, WHEN THE TWO FOOLISH WARRIORS ENTERED THE TUNNEL, THEY WERE SHOT BY TRANQUILIZERS. THE AUTHOR DOES NOT KNOW WHY THESE WARRIORS WERE HARMED WITH REAL ONES KNOWING THAT SHE ONLY GAVE WINDCLAN FAKE TRANQUILIZERS.*
Rainpelt: WindClan! What happened to the fake ones?
WindClan: (Whistles)
*LATER*
Raincloud: Okay, we’re going to start again. WindClan, I want you to THREATEN them with the FAKE tranquilizers.
WindClan: (Salute)
Fireheart: Quick! In this tunnel!
WindClan: (Shoot the two warriors with real tranquilizers)
Raincloud: Ugh! What am I going to do with you, WindClan?
WindClan: . . .
Raincloud: I won’t pay you if you don’t behave-
WindClan: (In a begging position, puppy-dog panting)
Rainpelt: Good doggies.
*LATER*
Graystripe: Take us to your leader.
Deadfoot: He’s at Busch Gardens.
Fireheart: Huh?
*VIDEO CLIP OF THE SHEIKRA IN BUSCH GARDENS: AS THE RIDE FALLS, TALLSTAR’S SCREAM IS HEARD ABOVE ALL THE OTHERS*
Graystripe: So you’re expecting us to travel all the way to Busch Gardens.
Fireheart: They’re just trying to get rid of us.
Graystripe: Why would they? They’re angels! Look at them.
WindClan: (Innocent looks + halos over heads)
Fireheart: We mean no harm. Just let us take you back.
Deadfoot: Fine.
*AT BARLEY’S FARM*
Graystripe: Where’sRavenpaw? Where’sRavenpaw? Where’sRavenpaw?
Fireheart: (To WindClan cats) and here, to your right, we have Barley’s farm. This is where Barley lives. He helps the clans in need sometimes . . .
Graystripe: RAVENPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAW!
Ravenpaw: RABBIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT! (Leaps at Fireheart)
Fireheart: Hey, it’s me, Fireheart!
Ravenpaw: Oh. (Kneels before Graystripe and Fireheart) I’m pleased to see you again. I feel honored to be friends of those who are warriors (Looks warily around) and the two warriors that drove out Tigerclaw and/or killed him!
Graystripe: Nope. It never happened.
Ravenpaw: Oh, mousedung.
Fireheart: Could WindClan sleep here tonight?
Barley: Evil. You just gotta CHIIIIIIIIIIIL.
Graystripe: Uh . . . Barley?
Barley: Huh . . . OH! Wrong script! Sorry. My bad! (Searches papers on desk for right script) Ah. (Clears throat) . . . uh . . . what’s this . . . natuurlijk kunt u! What does that mean?!
Ravenpaw: Barley, I don’t think the readers know Dutch.
Barley: Huh . . . OH! Wrong script again! Sorry. My bad! (Searches papers on desk for right script) Ah. (Clears throat) . . . uh . . . naturalmente você pode!
Ravenpaw: I can bet that wasn’t English.
Barley: Huh . . . OH! Wrong script again! Sorry. My bad! (Searches papers on desk for right script) Ah. (Clears throat) . . . uh . . . !
Ravenpaw: What in the world was THAT?! Barley, just say something!
Barley: Monkey in a banana!
Ravenpaw: (Paw on face) Oy. (Turns to WindClan) Of course you can!
Barley: Hey, that was MY line!
Ravenpaw: NOW you remember! (Bangs head on desk for the rest of the night)
*MORNING*
Barkface: *GASP* THERE WILL BE AN UNNECESSARY DEATH! I MUST RETIRE FROM MY JOOOOOOOOOOOOOB! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! (Screams and runs around in circles)
WindClan/Fireheart/Graystripe: (Watch in silence)
Ravenpaw: Okay. Thanks. (Hangs up phone) The doctor told me not to bang my head on desks anymore. (Watches Barkface with others)
Fireheart: Is your medicine cat always mental like this?
Deadfoot: Yup! It really makes you wonder how he ever got to be a medicine cat.
Fireheart: Definitely.

[Raincloud]

Chapter 5
Deadfoot: Alright, let’s continue.
*ON THE WAY TO WINDCLAN*
Graystripe: (Listening to iPod) I like to sing! I like to dance! I like to put ants in Bluestar’s pants! It makes me crazy, getting the chance, to put some ants in the leader’s pants . . .
Fireheart: (to Deadfoot) I don’t know him. He’s just a companion.
Deadfoot: Yeah. Sure.
Random Twoleg: Hop into my monster!
Fireheart: I’m rejecting your offer. We’ve almost reached our destination.
Random Twoleg: AAAW!
Fireheart: How about I promise to ride in your monster sometime in this fanfiction.
Random Twoleg: Deal! (Drives away)
Morningflower: (Listening to iPod) I like to sing! I like to dance! I like to put ants in Bluestar’s pants! It makes me crazy, getting the chance, to put some ants in the leader’s pants . . .
Some other WindClan cats: (Listening to iPods) I like to sing! I like to dance! I like to put ants in Bluestar’s pants . . .
Fireheart: I live in a strange forest. Don’t you agree . . . Deadfoot?
Deadfoot: (Listening to iPod) I like to sing! I like to dance! I like to put ants in Bluestar’s pants . . .
*AT WINDCLAN CAMP*
*WINDCLAN ARE IN AN AUDIENCE GIVING PLAUDITS TO FIREHEART AND GRAYSTRIPE, WHO ARE ON THE TALLROCK WITH DEADFOOT*
Deadfoot: (As clapping stops) thank you, very much, for bringing us back to our camp. (More clapping) for your kindness, we’d like to give you these medals of Honor. (Gives Fireheart a medal)
Fireheart: YAAAAAAAY!
Deadfoot: (Gives Graystripe a medal)
Graystripe: Hehe . . . it’s kinda heavy. (Tries to get up, but falls off the Tallrock)
Barkface: GO THROUGH RIVERCLAN TERRITORY AND WIN A FREE CHOCOLATE BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR!!
Deadfoot: I like chocolate, so let’s escort you two back to ThunderClan . . . through RiverClan’s territory! But first, let’s pick another cat.
Tornear: (Only cat to raise his paw) Pick me! Pick me! Pick me!
Deadfoot: Uh . . . Onewhisker.
Onewhisker: Cool.
Tornear: Darn. I thought I had a pretty good chance of getting picked.
*IN RIVERCLAN*
Fireheart: Oh, great, a RiverClan patrol.
Graystripe: Maybe they’re here to give us our chocolate.
Onewhisker: You’ve got a point, there.
RiverClan/ThunderClan/WindClan: (Stare at each other for a moment)
Leopardstar: There’s the rabbit!
Fireheart: There’s the kuku bird!
Leopardstar: Ugh! How dare you make fun of my beauty? GET THEM!
*EVERYONE FIGHTS*
Deadfoot: I thought Barkface said we’d win a chocolate bar!
Barkface: (Heard from across the forest) I’M CRAZYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!
Deadfoot: Oh. I forgot about that.
Evil: Duh, duh-DUUUUH! ThunderClan are here to save the day! (He and others start fighting)
Sandpaw: I thought I told you two to jump off a cliff.
Graystripe: Oh. Sorry, I forgot. (About to jump off the edge of the gorge, but Whiteclaw is in the way)
Whiteclaw: Hey, watch it! You almost knocked me over-
Evil: Time to use our secret weapon!!!!
Fireheart: What secret weapon-
*BOMB EXPLODES AND CAUSES WHITECLAW TO FALL OFF THE EDGE*
Fireheart: Barkface was actually serious; there was an unnecessary death . . . (looks at Evil) . . . and an unnecessary weapon.
Evil: I like pencils! (Grins)

Ah, pencils.

[;R.o.c.k.y.w.a.v.e;]

Oh my GOD, Raincloud, you're brilliant with bringing back old little gags from the first one back to the second! Like the pencils, and the "I like to sing", why did you stop?

[Foxclaw]

I couldn't stop laughing through the entire story! I like almsot killed myself because I couldn't breathe! ;D
keep writing

[Raincloud]

Sorry. School is kinda starting tomorrow, so I might not write as often.

Chapter 6

Leopardstar: Curse you, gray cat! (Heard from all over the world) CURSE YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU!
Gray cats everywhere: I’m feeling . . . a disturbance . . .
*RIVERCLAN LEAVES*
Deadfoot: Well, uh . . . thanks. (Looks at Evil) . . . IT WAS THEIR FAULT! (He and Onewhisker run away)
Evil: What do you two have to say for yourselves?
Fireheart/Graystripe: (Exchange glances + point at each other) IT WAS HIS FAULT! (Run away)
*AT THE THUNDERCLAN BORDER*
Evil: Hershey bars alone will save our clan!
Fireheart: I like bacon! Do you like bacon-
Sandpaw: I was born in 1924! Snowballs come from Alaska.
Fireheart: Do you like shopping?
*GRAYSTRIPE COMES*
Fireheart: Nuclear reactors! They destroy zombies-
Evil: My iPod fell in the sink.
Graystripe: *SIGH* May the force be with you.
Evil: Roar. I’m a dinosaur.
*AT THUNDERCLAN CAMP*
Mousefur: They brought WindClan back home!
Marching Band: (Plays “I Got Nerve” by Hannah Montana)
Fireheart: You didn’t have to do all this! Seriously, what’s with the marching band playing pop music?
Marching Band: (Stops playing)
Bluestar: (Comes out of den with an empty tray) Here’s a cake for your hard work. You deserve it.
Fireheart: (Scrutinizes the empty tray) Uh . . . there’s nothing here.
Bluestar: Exactly! How could you have gone through RiverClan territory?!
Fireheart: Barkface told us we’d win a Hershey Bar.
Bluestar: Stop making excuses, Fireheart. I thought I could trust you.
Graystripe: I wasn’t Fireheart’s fault-
Evil: It was your entire fault, Fireheart! How could you let this happen?
Bluestar: Calm down, Evil . . . YOU COULD’VE STARTED A WAR WITH RIVERCLAAAAAAAAAN!
Fireheart/Graystripe: Sorry, Bluestar.
Bluestar: SORRY ISN’T ENOUGH! YOU TWO WILL BE CLEANING THE ELDERS FOR THE REST OF LEAF-FALL!!!!!!!!
Evil: Calm down, Bluestar.
Fireheart: . . . We rescued WindClan!
Bluestar: Yes. I know.
Graystripe: . . .
Bluestar: Anyway, I want you two to have an apprentice-
Evil: YES! I get to have a new apprentice and Graystripe and I can compare our apprentices and we can train ours together and . . . and . . .
Bluestar: I meant Fireheart and Graystripe.
Evil: (Glares at Fireheart) I’m watching you. (Walks away)
*LATER*
Willowpelt: (Hits a gong next to Fireheart)
Fireheart: Thanks for waking me up.
Willowpelt: I only did it because I was bored . . . and because Whitestorm creeps me out.
Fireheart: Peace.
Willowpelt: Peace.
Dustpaw: Fireheart, have some gum.
Fireheart: OK. (Takes gum and sticks in back into Dustpaw’s mouth)
Dustpaw: Oh, drat. (Head explodes)
Bluestar: You will be Cinderpaw.
Cinderpaw: CINDERPAAAAAAAAAAW!
Bluestar: Your mentor will be Fireheart.
Cinderpaw: (Snuggles with Fireheart)
Bluestar: You will be Haikupaw, and your mentor will be Graystripe.
Haikupaw: I can’t believe it.
I am an apprentice now.
Believe it or not.
Graystripe: I kill a RiverClan warrior, and then I get an apprentice that only talks in Haikus. Could this day get any worse?
Fireheart: You shouldn’t have said that.
Graystripe: Why not?
Mailman: Mail for Mr. Graystripe!
Graystripe: (Reads letter) what?! My father’s head exploded in Paraguay? Nope. It couldn’t get worse than this.
Dustpaw: (Points to his headless body)
Evil: (Listening to a rap song on his iPod) Fireheart’s the one who is taking all the fun. He’ll fail his mentoring job and be chased by an angry mob. Drive him out of the clan! It’s the best possible plan . . .
ThunderClan: (Stare at him)
Fireheart: How RUDE!
*A PENCIL FALLS FROM THE SKY*
Evil: (Stares at the pencil temptingly)

[Dewpool]

Omg That is hilarious! I spit my Dr. Pepper EVERYWHERE! YEAH BABY! That is DEF. THE BEST PARODY LIKE, EVER!

[SandsofTime]

Haha *gasp* haha... *GASP!* *From StarClan* YOU KILLED ME RAINCLOUD BY MAKING ME LAUGH!!!! CURSE YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (But please write more!)

[Raincloud]

Chapter 7

Haikupaw: Oh, mentor of mine,
It’s morning so we should start,
My training, okay?
Graystripe: Ugh.
Fireheart: Where’s Cinderpaw?
Haikupaw: . . .
Fireheart: HELLOOOOOO?
Haikupaw: I do not reply,
When I cannot think of a,
Haiku to recite.
Graystripe: Oh, brother.
Fireheart: You don’t have a brother. (Leaves in search of Cinderpaw)
Graystripe: . . . I don’t have a brother . . . ?
Fireheart: (Finds Cinderpaw) Time for training.
Cinderpaw: OKAY!
Haikupaw: Let us get going.
We don’t want to waste the day,
So let’s go and train.
Graystripe: This is going to be a long day.
*AT THE OWL TREE*
Fireheart: See this tree, Cinderpaw? It’s the owl tree.
Cinderpaw: Why do they call it the owl tree?
*FIREHEART STARES BACK AND FORTH BETWEEN CINDERPAW, AND THE OWL TREE, WHICH HAS CARVINGS OF OWLS ALL OVER IT, OWL PODS SURROUNDING IT, AND AN OWL PARTY INSIDE THE HOLE, WHERE MUSIC IS BLARING OUT OF IT*
Fireheart: Uh . . .
Cinderpaw: Oh, I get it. It’s an owl tree because squirrels have their summer camps here!
Fireheart: . . . O . . . K . . . let’s carry on.
*AT THE THUNDERPATH*
Fireheart: Here is the Thunderpath. Monsters run on it.
Cinderpaw: I don’t see any monsters . . . (A bunch of monsters run by) . . . look! A cookie!
Fireheart: *SIGH*
*AT TWOLEG PLACE*
Fireheart: This is where I grew up as a kit. Cats and dogs live here with twolegs and is sometimes a wonderful place to be . . . (looks at Cinderpaw) this place sucks.
Mysterious Kittypet: (Walks by)
Cinderpaw: I could picture my brother chasing it away: “Hello, kittypet, I want to chase you away, to amuse myself!” (Bursts into laughter)
Fireheart: Hehe . . . cool. Let’s go home.
*BACK AT CAMP*
Fireheart: So, how was your day, Haikupaw- . . . OOPS! (Covers mouth)
Haikupaw: It was exciting.
To place your paws outside the,
Camp is most pleasing.
Graystripe: Why must you always talk in Haikus?
Haikupaw: I talk in Haikus
Because I feel unique and
That makes me happy.
Fireheart: Who wants some fresh-kill?
Cinderpaw: I do!
Haikupaw: I’d be delighted,
To have a bite of fresh-kill.
Please give some to me.
Runningwind: (Steam coming out of his ears) I can’t take it anymore! (Jumps out of a window)
Fireheart: I’m sure he wasn’t talking about you, Haikupaw.
Graystripe: Uh . . . what’s a window doing in the wild?
Rainpelt: It was one of the props that I wanted to experiment with.
Graystripe: Oh. But it still doesn’t fit with the whole foresty theme.
Rainpelt: This is a parody. Deal with it.
*IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT*
Fireheart: (Suddenly wakes up) *GASP* that kittypet that walked by us today . . . she owed me four dollars.
*LATER*
Fireheart: (Suddenly wakes up) AND SHE WAS MY SISTER! Which makes me her brother and she’s having kits so then I’d be an uncle! It’s all so complicated so I’ll just go back to sleep. Move on! There’s nothing to see here-
Evil: Who are you talking to?
Fireheart: My . . . iPod! (Goes back to sleep)
Evil: Well, DUH! Everyone talks to their iPods! (Goes back to sleep)