Post by Shadowstar on Oct 14, 2007 19:36:37 GMT -5
Ok, people, stop commenting about the swearing! There is a warning that says there is swearin, and I think that you should continue Tawnyfire. I don't mind the swearing, and for people who don't like the swearing, don't read the story. But what mistshimmer said is ok, at least she likes the story. I read what you wrote on fanfiction. net too, it was hilarious!
[center]Sweat drips in my eyes,[br]Screams of lust we cry[br]Tonight, you are everything[br]You're everything, you're everything to me[br]No more as I wake, from this perfect dream[br]I'll escape, I cannot stay and live this lie,[br]For I, must now think only of myself[br]And to think that you will not be scared or surprised[br]I sever all these ties, this is end[br]This is the end![/center]
Crowpaw's eyes moved rapidly as his ears fluttered against his head fur, the AC blowing a firm breeze. "Yes, Yellowpaw, OH YES!" He yowled in his sleep, a pillow clutched firmly in his paws. Little did he know, it was 5:30 AM and he had, of course, woken up his trying to sleep roommates, Ravenpaw and Graypaw.
Ravenpaw's eyes twitched horribly, glaring and scowling at his new found friend. "Graypaw, what is he dreaming about?" Ravenpaw asked through gritted teeth. The apprentice was still fighting back the urge to horribly maim the sleeping tom.
"I'm thinking something along the lines of either: a.) Raping Yellowpaw b.) Courting Yellowpaw, or c.) Wanting to get Yellowpaw out of her fur" Graypaw suggested. He was then promptly smacked by the apprentice who thinks the world is going to end. "Ow!" He hissed. "Can't a tom go back to sleep around here..."
"Maybe we COULD if CROWPAW! SHUT THE HELL UP!" Ravenpaw yowled, inching closer when he yelled Crowpaw's name.
The apprentice then decided to start snoring while muttering stuff about Yellowpaw. Ravenpaw's eyes twitched again as he started to move towards his math notebook, whilst whistling. The apprentice outstreched a black furred paw and gently grabbed the notebook, walking back towards Crowpaw.
"Wha?" Graypaw asked, turning his head to the side. Ravenpaw flicked a wrist at him and raised the notebook high above his head. Graypaw straightened out his head and chuckled, now he understood, and if Crowpaw was STILL sleeping after that, let's say he'd be waking up next and wouldn't go back to sleep either.
Ravenpaw's eyes gleamed maliciously, and with one final movement, he brought the notebook crashing down on Crowpaw.
Things never went the way Crowpaw liked it. Ashfoot had sent him to Warrior High, Starclan's Learners was officially gay, Nightcloud and Tigerstar hated him, he was dreaming about making out with Yellowpaw, and now, he was wide awake, claws latched in the ceiling and he had notebook imprints in face. And directly below him, Graypaw and Ravenpaw were smiling evilly up at him.
"That's not funny guys!" He whined. Ravenpaw snorted.
"Sure it is, while you're dreaming about your sexual fantasies with Yellowpaw, we are trying to sleep. So then our good little buddy Ravenpaw gets the bright idea to smack with you with a notebook. Rather brilliant if you ask me" Graypaw said cheekily. This time Crowpaw got to snort.
"And besides, if we can't sleep, then you won't either. And we have two hours till school starts so you better go get some coffee or something" Ravenpaw added.
Crowpaw slightly growled at his friends, retarcting his claws only to fall on his bed. "Oh crap..." He muttered when he saw Ravenpaw's eyes widen to the size of the moon. "I knew I shouldn't have done that" He cursed himself.
Ravenpaw inhaled deeply and:
"THE WORLDS GOING TO END! AN EARTHQUAKE! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CROWPAW FELL FROM THE CEILING! WHY MUST THIS ALWAYS HAPPEN TO ME!?" He screamed, not yowled, yes, screamed my dear readers.
Graypaw watched Ravenpaw run around in circles before padding over to Crowpaw's side. "I'll bet" He sighed.
"Me too, I say 10 minutes?" He guessed. Graypaw shook his head.
"Nah, I say 30" He replied. "Deal?" Crowpaw shrugged his shoulders.
Crowpaw's eyes watched the steam roll off the top of his coffee. His paw trembled as he brought the mug to his mouth and set it back down gently. Yes, now he'd only have to wait twenty more minutes before he could get ready for school and then get back to the dorm, and CRASH out.
"Hey Graypaw, Did Ravenpaw wake up from his concussion from running into Hawkpaw and Dustpaw's door yet?" Crowpaw asked. Garypaw looked at him and shook his head.
Crowpaw frowned a bit when he found his blue eyes traveling over to Ravenpaw's limp form. "Poor guy..." Crowpaw could silently feel Graypaw's amber eyes burning into his gray - black fur. "But, I suppose that's what he gets for screaming 'the worlds going to end' all the time and running around like Cinderpaw on weed"
"Hey, don't be dissin' weed like that. Do you know how hard it is to make the money to pay Stonerfur for it?" Graypaw asked with a challenge to his tone.
"No. Lemme guess, you steal the money from Harepaw, Kestrelpaw, Hollypaw, Leafpaw, Cody, and Molepaw?" Crowpaw sighed. Crowpaw smirked when he heard a small 'hmph' come from Graypaw, which was shortly followed by a crossing of paws.
"Maybe..." He muttered.
"Well good, because if I know Tornear and Ashfoot, they'll probably give all my lunch money and dorm money to my little brother and sister, Duskkit and Arrowkit"
"You have a brother and sister?" Graypaw asked, his mood lightening up a bit.
"Yeah, they go to a different school. I have another brother named Eaglekit, but nobody knows what happened to him because he was mentioned in 'Fire and Ice' in the prologue and the mysteriously disappeared. Ashfoot didn't really act like she scared though" Crowpaw explained.
"What's Fire and Ice?" Graypaw asked. Crowpaw shrugged.
"I don't know, some book that Erin Hunter wrote that seemingly follows our serious lives. Guess what? They even know what my name will be!" Crowpaw yowled dreamily.
"Really? Then what is it?" Graypaw grinned.
Nearby, actually by Graypaw's hindpaws but the authoress wants to make it 'nearby, Ravenpaw was stirring. The black apprentice raised his head, dazed and muttering random words. "My mother, I say, what happened?" He slurred. Crowpaw motioned to Ravenpaw with his eyes to Graypaw.
"Nighty night, Ravenpaw" Graypaw smirked and whacked Ravenpaw with a ruler.
The apprentice, once again, collapsed on the floor, muttering more random words, and then fell with an audible 'thunking sound. "Uhh... Graypaw, you do realize he has to go to class, right?" Crowpaw inquired.
"Yes, I do REALIZE that but do I CARE about that? Not really" He replied, flicking a loose piece of Ravenpaw Fur of his 'beautiful' fur. "Anyway, what is your name going to be again?" He asked, going back to their previous discussion.
"I don't know! The book store only had Fire and Ice! They said I couldn't read any others or else they would have to deal with major problems like OOC and cats knowing their destiny and stuff..." Crowpaw mumbled. "Rather stupid if you ask me" He added with a growl.
"Well, shouldn't we be getting ready for school or something?" Graypaw asked with one more look at Ravenpaw's limp form. "Ya know Crowpaw, in the short time I've known you---" Graypaw stopped and started breaking out in tears.
"Uhh... what?" Crowpaw asked a bit skeptical. Graypaw got up and made his way over to Crowpaw where he rest a hand on his shoulder, burying his muzzle into Crowpaw's fur. "erm..."
"--- I have to say, YOU ARE THE BEST FRIEND I COULD EVER ASK FOR!" He sobbed loudly.
"Are you feeling okay--- wait a second, you got into the crack again didn't you?" Crowpaw asked with a frown. Graypaw instantly stopped sobbing and looked up at him with an eager expression.
"Crack? WHERE!" He yowled. The gray apprentice flung himself off Crowpaw's chair and started on a rampage around the room to look for crack, or anything else he could get high off of. Crowpaw wasn't even about to say that they had about 10 minutes left until they had to get to school. "Aww.. tehre's no crack..." He sighed.
"Just come on!" Crowpaw growled. The gray furred apprentice marched up to Graypaw and grabbed him by his scruff and started to haul him out of the dorm.
"But what about Ravenpaw?" Graypaw questioned, making Crowpaw stop at the door.
"I don't know, leave him right there... I guess" Crowpaw shrugged. Graypaw shrugged with him and started along with the walk to the gym, where they could have some time with Firepaw, Sorrelpaw, and Cinderpaw, without Mr. The Worlds going To End.
"Where's Ravenpaw at?" Sorrelpaw asked as soon as Graypaw and Crowpaw walked to their spot in the bleachers. Crowpaw shared an uneasy glance with his newfound friend.
"Uhh... let's just say... he ran into a door. I think you would know why" Crowpaw told the tortoiseshell. Sorrelpaw smacked her forward and muttered something about the world not going to end and Ravenpaw being the most retardest (Is that even a word???) cat she had ever known.
"Raven. Paw. Retard" Firepaw said in a low monotone.
Crowpaw decided he'd had enough of standing and padded over to sit beside Sorrelpaw and Firepaw, Graypaw sitting a bleacher below him and Cinderpaw to his left. "So Sorrelpaw, Firepaw, Crowpaw, watch this" Graypaw said with a wink.
"Heyyyyyyyyyyyyy! Why you didn't say my name!?" Cinderpaw demanded.
"Because, you're the youngest" Graypaw smirked and padded away.
"Oh Starclan, there he goes, flirting again with Minnowpaw..." Sorrelpaw sighed.
"Does he always do that?" Crowpaw asked. Cinderpaw, Firepaw, and Sorrelpaw all looked at him like he was crazy or something.
"Well duh! Everybody here knows that Graypaw can't talk to a she cat without asking them out. Usually, he gets kicked down the bleachers or beat up by said she cats boyfriend or brothers." Cinderpaw explained. Crowpaw nodded and looked back at Graypaw. The gray furred student turned back to Crowpaw with a wink and turned around to Minnowpaw.
"Here we. Go" Firepaw sighed.
Crowpaw rolled his eyes and turned to see what could be SO horrible about Graypaw flirting. It wasn't like he wasn't handsome or anything, it was just that... besides being a crackhead, he was also, a she - cat --anizer. In other words, he was always scoping out she cats for a future mate.
"I don't see what's so bad about him flirting" Crowpaw shrugged. Sorrelpaw marched up to Crowpaw, grabbe his head, and yanked it around so he could see Graypaw.
Although he couldn't hear what was being said, Crowpaw understood what was going on when he saw Minnowpaw hiss and kick Graypaw down the bleachers. "Poor guy" Firepaw mumbled, staring at his razor very temptingly.
"Stay away from me you ugly, fucking, perverted son a bit---" Minnowpaw suddenly found her mouth cupped by one of her friend's paws.
"Ah hem, the language, Minnowpaw" She reminded her friend. Crowpaw snorted in amusement when he saw Minnowpaw watching with a satifactory grin as Graypaw continued to roll down the bleachers.
"So, while we wait for Millie to come and declare if he has broken anything, I say we get to class" Sorrelpaw suggested.
Crowpaw turned back to face Sorrelpaw and shrugged. "Sure... why not?" He asked. Firepaw and Cinderpaw shrugged and stood, collecting their belongings. "Come on Graypaw!" Crowpaw called to his friend. Crowpaw's whiskers twitched when he watched Graypaw stumble to his paws and clumsily run to his friends.
"Now! To the DFH's class!" Cinderpaw proclaimed.
Bluestar's voice rang about the classroom, starting with the morning announcements. "Hello and welcome to the first real day to Warrior High. I am Bluestar, head principal. Today, we'll start off with something from Brokenstar. he says any of you interested in joing the Warrior High Wolves mouse ball team, to go meet him on the track field after school. Sixth through seniors only"
Crowpaw turned to see Stormpaw and his friends, Bramblepaw, Foxpaw, Thornpaw, and a few others nodding their heads to each other, Sandpaw looked pleased.
"From Graypool, head of the cafeteria, today we will be serving roast beef, potatoes, some steamed sushi, and pears on the side. Drinks can be purchased at the drink machine down the hall. Smoky and Nightstar, two of the janitors, would like to tell everybody that the south wing, around Clovertail's classroom, the floor will be getting polished and cleaned today so please stay off of it. There is a passage way to left where you can walk."
Graypaw had a malicious smirk appear on his face.
"And our final announcement, teachers, their will be a staff meeting after school hours, have a nice day"
Nightcloud stood in the front of the class, going up and down her roll. With an irritated sigh, she clicked her pen and set it down. "Well, seeing as today is Thursday, I think that you all can get homework, especially you Crowpaw and Graypaw" She sneered, glaring directly at two said students.
"THAT IS NOT FAIR!" Sandpaw whined from behind Crowpaw.
Crowpaw swore for a second he was going deaf as the she cat moved forward to scream. "Damn... cat gotta loud mouth" He muttered. Crowpaw's crystal blue eyes found their way back to Nightcloud who was smirking.
"Instead, I think only Crowpaw and Graypaw should get homework. After all, I don't like them" She grinned again. Crowpaw felt his fur start to boil and he could literally see Graypaw itching to tear off Nightcloud's ears with his claws.
"Bitch" Graypaw muttered instead. Nightcloud frowned and looked down at Graypaw.
"Mr. Thunder, if you continue to use that language, I will send you to Bluestar's office" She threatened. Crowpaw laughed to himself when he saw Graypaw lean back in his chair and cross his paws, a smug grin plastered across his gray - furred face.
"Is that the best you've got?" Graypaw sneered. From somewhere behind Crowpaw, he heard one of the nerds mumbling stuff about Graypaw was going to get in trouble.
"No, it's all right here---" Nightcloud snarled, approaching Graypaw with her teeth bared.
In an instant Swiftpaw and Talonpaw leaped from their seats and were restraining Nightcloud by her fur. "Haha! Can't do anything now can you bitch?" Graypaw taunted. Nightcloud's eyes were starting to turn a demon - like red, and of course, Crowpaw swore that she was wearing the devil's, wife's, wedding ring.
"Quick! Get the radstick!" Sorrelpaw exclaimed from her seat. Crowpaw leapt from his desk and raced to go find the nearest said yardstick to beat Nightcloud over the head with. Harepaw, one of the nerds, reached for it only to have his paw smacked by Crowpaw as the apprentice grabbed ahold of it.
Crowpaw raised the yardstick high above his head and started a victory dance. "I have--- RETURNED!" He announced. Somewhere in the back of the class, another apprentice let out a cat call, turned out, it was Owlpaw, Shortwhisker's mansleeper.
"Quick! Whack her!" Talonpaw cheered Crowpaw on.
"I'm... com... in!" Crowpaw stuttered, trying to add a dramatic effect to it. His paws thudded against the class floor, his heart in his throat and his breathing hard. Crowpaw's tail flapped in the wind while the yard stick was held out ot his right like a weapon. "Almost... there..." He started panting now.
Sweat was dripping off his left flank and his usual gray black fur was now a dark blackish brown color. His paw pads felt like cracking and he could have sworn he was turning only twelve feet into five miles.
-Music DJ scratching sound insertion-
"Will you please stop it with all the dramatic effects?" Whitepaw asked, looking up at the authoress through her computer and wordpad and staring at Alyson like she was some weird person who has no life.
"Just one more" The authoress replied in a sly tone that didn't sound in the least bit sly.
-Back to the Fanfiction world and out of the OOC world also known as Earth that has multiple wars going on that involve guns, lots and lots of high powered rifles-
Crowpaw was now on the classroom floor, dragging his hindpaws along the polished white, dusty, floor. "Almost... there" He said exhaustedly. He reached out the yardstick slowly and handed it to Swiftpaw. "Take... it" he rasped afterwards and then collapsed, and promptly died.
"HEY!" Sorrelpaw shouted. "I thought this was a humor fic? Don't kill him or the reviewers won't have anything to say and they'll be pissed off at you!"
"Sorry then, pretend all the crap about Crowpaw dying never happened. Nightcloud got whacked with a yardstick and got knocked out. Then, Hawkpaw and Dustpaw decided to throw a party, but it was soon crashed when NIghtcloud came back which by then, there was only 10 minutes left of their class. Happy"
- Back to teh fiction-
"ESSAYS! ESSAYS! ESSAYS! ESSAYS! ESSAYS! ESSAYS!" Nightcloud screamed at her class. Crowpaw, Graypaw, and a few others started snickering, casting a small glance at the broken yardstick which was lying in two at Nightcloud's hindpaws.
The black she cat walked impatienty, up and down each row, handing out essays to all the students except for Sandpaw and her friends, of course, they were her 'pets' who were right in everything they did.
The she cat strutted back to the front of the class. "Now, for those of you who have homework, it'll be page 7,385,007,398, numbers 284 all the way to 9,284. I want each problem worked out, with proof of work, and put into every language you can think of. Then, I want you to write a WORD form of the problems, and after you're done with that, I want you to tranlate it for other clans and countries" Nightcloud stopped when she saw Thistleclaw raise his paw. "What?" She spat in disgust.
"What's a country?" He asked. Nightcloud stood before him and scratched her head.
"Err... I don't really know, BUT DO IT ANYWAY!" She yowled, causing a few students to duck or flinch.
"Whatever" Thistleclaw snorted, his nose ring flipping upwards. "I'm leaving. This class sucks ass anyway" He growled and stood up, slinging his items across his back in a movement of disgust. Crowpaw's eyes shifted over to the clock, 5 minutes left. Then, he found himself looking at Nightcloud, her jaw dropped all the way to the floor.
A couple of students whispered amongst themselves when Hawkpaw and Dustpaw got up. "Thistleclaw has a point" Dustpaw sneere and followed Hawkpaw out the door.
One by one, the students started to exit the classroom, leaving behind, a VERY pissed off Nightcloud. The black she - cats tail lashed back and forth and she started to mutter things. Crowpaw then turned to Graypaw as he started packing up his items. "Hey Graypaw, I just realized something, we left Ravenpaw in the dorm"
"Oh well" Graypaw replied. Crowpaw shrugged and headed out the door with the class.
Groans, hisses, and curses were thrown at each other as Sasha's second period class entered, nobody had yet noticed Ravenpaw's absence yet. But of course, Graypaw, Crowpaw, Firepaw, Cinderpaw, or Sorrelpaw weren't going to say a word about it.
"Hello class--- HAWKPAW! OMG! YOU LOOK SO HOT TODAY!" She squealed, her eyes fluttering. Hawkpaw smirked and leaned back, flexing his paws.
"Yeah, I did do some time in the gym" He boasted. Sasha literally fell head over heels, stumbling the whole way towards his desk. Sasha leapt up on his desk and spread out one leg.
"OH STARCLAN! Please, for the love of your class! Keep it PG13 in here!" Crowpaw shouted, shielding his eyes from Sasha. A small smack was heard from Stormpaw's direction, possibly, from being smacked by Sandpaw or one of her friends. Sasha mumbled a few things and hopped off of Hawkpaw's desk, and started walking to the front of the classroom.
"Okay... I think for today, we'll start by reading Burning Roses, Silver Thorns" Sasha said. "Last year, you ALL should have read Every Rose Has Its Thorns. So now, we'll be reading the sequel"
A few moans scattered across the classroom, Thistleclaw even throwing his shredded book at the teacher. Sorrelpaw raised one paw. Sasha turned to see the she cat. "Yes, Sorrelpaw?" She asked in an obviously - not - so - innocent tone.
"Uhh... do we have to? Why can't we read Guardian of the Moon Tree or The Salvation Flame?" She asked. Crowpaw and Graypaw snickered a bit. "I mean, do we HAVE to read about to cats having a forbidden love when we could be reading about some cat named Fireheart trying to stop a randomly named cat, Tigerstar, from taking over Thunderclan and joining up with another randomly named cat, Scourge, when another cat named Sandstorm dies?"
Sasha's jaw dropped.
"Or we could be reading about some cat making a promise and the Moon Tree?" She asked again. Sasha's golden, tabby paws scuffled against the class floor a bit nervously.
"Uhh... the lesson plan says we have to learn... why medicine cats should never take a mate, no matter handsome they may be or no matter how many times you get raped by a cat named Flamesoul. And besides, we'll be reading those two later in the year, next week, we'll be reading Silverfang, so quit complaing" sasha ordered.
The classroom quieted down a hair. "Now open up your books to page 284" She said, taking out her own book. Needless to say, all the reading books were quite long, exceeding over 10,000 pages in length because of the really long stories that were kept in them. Crowpaw bordily flipped through his book, looking at the cover of the book which was the school.
"Cursed place..." He heard Thistleclaw mutter from the back of the class.
Crowpaw kept flipping through the book when he arrived at said page. In bright, forest - green letters it said ' Burning Roses, Silver Thorns', written by T. Roxie .I and illustrated by somebody named Tainted Shadow Watcher. The cover of the book showed a ginger she cat sitting on her haunches, staring coldly at a gray tom, her green eyes showing tension.
In the back of the she cat, it showed a flame colored tom leaping in the tall grass to meet up with her. Crowpaw yawned. Why did he always get stuck with the boring or semi - retarded teachers? Sasha's voice was what stirred him from his thoughts. "Class, I want you to all flip through the first few pages to get an idea of what it's about" She said.
Crowpaw nodded towards her and obliged. He used his paw and turned the page to see a picture of Thorntail talking a she cat, Crowpaw guessed it was Rosethorn or some other cat. He cast a glance to see Graypaw yawning and flipping to the end of the book, whilst muttering things about some cat named Flamesoul needing to die already and quit raping Rosethorn.
Crowpaw stayed there, flipping through some more pages before he started to read, it was his golden tabby, teacher's voice that stirred him from his train of thoughts. "Now, who would like to read first?" She asked.
The class all shifted glances around with each other. "Don't make me call names, but not Hawkpaw" She said with a wink to the ice blue eyes, tabby pelted apprentice. The class still didn't do anything. "Fine, Thistleclaw, since you just LOVE sixth grade, you read" Thistleclaw growled to himself and started to read.
In a sneery - ish voice, he started: "The dark, ginger-coated tom curled his tail in delight, as he rested his cruel and malicious eyes on her. “It’s okay, Rosethorn. I won’t hurt you,” he purred, his voice so smooth and sweet – like honey- and Rosethorn almost gagged as she backed away from the big, broad-shouldered tom. Well that's stupid... I bet my muscles are bigger than his" Thistleclaw sneered.
"You wish" Hawkpaw retorted. Thistleclaw glared at him."Whatever" Hawkpaw sneered.
"I'm skipping that crap" Thistleclaw growled and scanned down the page a bit more. "The kit fell to the earth – and it amazed Rosethorn that even though Spottedlight was going through another spasm of pain for another kit, she somehow was able to use her tail to urge the young kitten towards her, and then was able to lick the kit until it began to breathe. Once it had air in its lungs, it instantly began to mewl for milk. What kind of kit falls to Earth?" Thistleclaw asked.
"By now, I would think you would know this story from heart since you obviously fail every year..." Sasha muttered.
Crowpaw snorted and nudged Graypaw in the side. His gray furred friend turned to him. "What?" Graypaw asked, the long, solid, gray stripe down his back moving along with his spine everytime he would move.
"Thistleclaw isn't really that smart is he?" Crowpaw asked. Graypaw shrugged and raised his paw. Sasha turned and looked at him, and pointed for him to speak.
"Does it hurt having kits? I mean you're having something the size of Tigerstar's head being shoved through your va---" Graypaw instantly found himself tackled to the ground by Crowpaw, Sasha and the rest of the class laughing at the gray furred apprentice. "Wropawt, pweaz wet ofp of meep" Graypaw rasped, beneath Crowpaw's weight and through his fur.
"oops... sorry buddy" Crowpaw apologized, stepping off his friend. Graypaw got back to his paws, rasping out a few curses, most directed towards: Hawkpaw, Sasha, and Crowpaw. Crowpaw leaned a bit closer to his friend when Graypaw returned to his seat. "They still haven't noticed Ravenpaw's gone yet" Graypaw's only reply was a small shrug.
"Graypaw! Crowpaw! I want you two to return to your seats, gather your stuff. I'm moving you two. I want... Hazelpaw to switch with Graypaw and Crowpaw, you stay there" Sasha ordered. A few of the class all turned to see a gray and white she cat enter the classroom with a cream colored tom behind her and another tom, another gray and white furred tom.
Behind them entered a silver she cat, Bluestar, the school principal. "Hello Mrs. Sasha. Mrs. Daisy has decided to move her three kids, Berrypaw, Mousepaw, and Hazelpaw to Warrior High. Class, welcome them" Bluestar explained, her silver fur a bit matted.
Heh, probably a rough night with Oakheart... Crowpaw snickered in his thoughts.
Sasha's golden tabby pelt strode across the class and introduced herself to the three and directed them where to sit. "Hazelpaw, as I said before, behind Crowpaw. Mousepaw, behind Graypaw, and Berrypaw, you can go sit behind Stormpaw" She informed to the three, pointing out their new seats.
"Sasha, can you step outside for a moment?" Bluestar asked, her eyes not leaving Crowpaw.
"Sure" Sasha replied and the two she cats stepped outside in the hall.
As soon as their teacher walked out the class, all the students turned around to speak to their friends or talk to the three new kids. Graypaw turned in his desk to talk to Mousepaw. "Hey... you must be Mousepaw? Right?" He inquired. The apprentice instead gave Graypaw a dreamy sigh.
"So, Graypaw, have you ever mated with another tom?" Mousepaw asked. Crowpaw thought he saw the few brain cells Graypaw had disappear. The apprentice slowly turned around in his chair, mouthing an 'o - kay' to Crowpaw. He only chuckled instead, now Owlpaw and his friends would have another gay with them.
Crowpaw averted his gaze to Berrypaw, the cream furred tom. The tom was busil unpacking with a bored expression. No signs of weed or anything... perhaps he wouldn't be a second crackhead like Graypaw was. His expression changed when he saw Owlpaw and company staring at him, except Twig's eyes would sopmetimes travel down to certain spots.
Berrypaw shot them a warning glance, holding up a sharpened pencil for threatening.
Crowpaw then looked behind him, Hazelpaw. The she - cats eyes stared at his crystal blue ones, her head turned to the side curiously as if she couldn't figure what Crowpaw was. "Umm... hello?" Crowpaw asked a bit skeptically. Hazelpaw brightened up.
"Lyk OMG! HE LYK TALKD 2 ME!" She squealed.
Chatspeak much? He asked his inner Crowpaw.
"Erm, yes, I did say hi" He searched through his vocabulary, wondering what he could say.
"OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! A t0m lyk, talkd, 2 lyk, MEH! IN A LYK, KEWL VOICE! omg! OMG! OMG!" She squealed again. Like Graypaw, Crowpaw turned around slowly. So now, Hazelpaw, Berrypaw, and Mousepaw were:
Berrypaw seemed sane enough.
Mousepaw was gay.
And Hazelpaw used and talked in too much chatspeak.
"Wonderful, just wonderful" He told himself bitterly.
The sound of the door closing alerted the class as Sasha walked back in. "Back to the story!" She demanded, and the class all groaned and opened up their text books.
Crowpaw and Graypaw stood next to each other at their lockers. With a content sigh, Crowpaw slammed his locker shut. Below his locker, Hazelpaw was testing out her lock.
"Ha, Crowpaw! You got a chat speaker below you!" Graypaw taunted his friend. Crowpaw shot him a glare and looked down at the patchy, gray and white fur of Hazelpaw's head fur.
"Oh shut up, at least I don't have Mousepaw flirting with me" Crowpaw shot back. Graypaw frowned and dismissed it with a shrug before turning around when he started to hear murmurmings in low voices. Crowpaw turned too, only to see three cats walking down the hallways with multiple piercings, black and white fur - up on and razors of varied sizes hanging from their belts.
The goths. Emos. Emotionals. Razor Bearers. Heavy metal listeners. Firepaw's seemingly distant cousins and kin. But, mostly known as: THE GOTHS. Inevitably, it actually stood for: 'Get Off The Heroin, meathead' The goths consisted of: Ashpaw, Brightpaw, and Jaypaw.
Surprisngly, Firepaw used to be with them until he got a top quality razor and never told them where he bought it. Yes, they do have problems. So of course, young Firepaw decided to go join Graypaw, Cinderpaw, Sorrelpaw, Ravenpaw, and newly new friend, Crowpaw.
"Erm, Crowpaw? Come on, we have to get to P.E." Sorrelpaw interupted his thoughts by waving a tortoiseshell furred paw in front of his face. behind her, Cinderpaw, Firepaw, and Graypaw all stood waiting.
"Ravenpaw still didn't come?" Crowpaw asked. Sorrelpaw nodded her head in 'no' fashion. "Oh well" Crowpaw shrugged. With a sigh from Firepaw, the friends all started their trek to the gym where Tigerstar awaited them.
Tigerstar scanned up an down his roll list and set it down. "Well, seeing as everybody's here, I think I can say that today, we will be learning about drug dealing. So I have brought Stonefur of seventh grade here to teach you all how to get marijuana, crack, coke, and weed at a fair price without getting ripped off" Tigerstar explained.
All the nerds, preps, and health freaks looked a little concerned, especially Owlpaw, he being a health freak along with Shortwhisker.
Entering through the gym was the familiar gray - silver pelt of Stonefur, the seventh grader holding weed and crack in one paw and in the other, a book on how to drug deal and get the results you wanted from the 'beginning'. His eyes were blood shot and he staggered with every step he took, slurring a bit when he thanked Tigerstar.
"WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEElcomeeeeee" He said a little druggedly. (Is that even a word?)
"Hello Stonerfur" All the crackheads in the class said in unison, Graypaw being among them. Owlpaw looked horrified.
"HELLO!" He said in a high/ hyper tone that could put Cinderpaw and Snowfur in the run for their money. Tigerstar walked calmly over to Stonefur and whisper something in his ear. the tom instantly regained his 'senses' and started acting normal, looking at Tigerstar every now and then. "Ah hem, as I will now go on. Remember apprentices, ALWAYS. SMOKE. CRACK. You will probably find it will be the best thing you will ever do" he started with. Sorrelpaw raised her paw. "Yes?" he asked camly.
"Erm, I thought crack was bad for you?" She asked. Stonefur started to shake his head.
"Well, whoever said that must be off their meds. CRACK IS WONDERFUL! Ask my client, Graypaw!" Stonefur exclaimed.
"Whatever" Sorrelpaw sighed.
"Anyway, as I was saying. When buying crack, weed, marijuana, or anything like that, ALWAYS, and I mean ALWAYS, ask to try it our first to see just how great it is"
"I don't think that teaching us about this is going to help in anyway during the course of our life" Crowpaw said. Stonefur and Tigerstar both smacked thewir heads.
"This is going to be a long discussion on why crack is good for you" Tigerstar mumbled. Crowpaw and Sorrelpaw both snorted in disbelief of his words.
"Whatever you say" Sorrelpaw muttered.
So of course, Stonefur went on for some time, talking about crack and other drugs when a door slammed. It alerted Tigerstar, Stonefur, and the rest of class. They all whipped around to see Bluestar enter the gym.
"TIGERSTAR!" She yowled.
"Oh shit..." He muttered and stalked off to her, in a sulkily fashion. Stonefur scampered off for the exit.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?" She yowled.
Tigerstar blinked his eyelashes and looked at her innocently. "Nothing, my wumpy, tumpy too" He flirted.
"How many times do I have to tell you, I'M MARRIED" She growled, showing her wedding ring from Oakhearts to give Tigerstar proof, he had been forgetting lately that he was married to Goldenflower, then divorced her and married Sasha, only to divorce her and now was trying to get a date with Dappletail or Brindleface, who were also married.
Bluestar raised her paw in irritance. "No buts! I want you to ask Clovertail to teach them about why they SHOULDN'T do drugs for their elective. And I mean it!" She snarled.
Crowpaw silently hummed to himself as he walked down the corridors...er... hallway to get to his fourth block class. On each side of him, Sorrelpaw, Graypaw, and Cinderpaw walked beside him. Cinderpaw was running up and down the halls, screaming at the top of her kitty lungs while Graypaw was aiming a well - sharpened pencil at her.
"Maybe if I hit her hard enough... maybe she'll die of lead poisoning! OH! I"M SO GOOD!" Graypaw cheered to himself and started doign the moon walk up and down the hall.
"He's never going to get anywhere in life is he?" Crowpaw asked Sorrelpaw. The tortoieshell she - cat nodded her head. "Thought so" Crowpaw added.
When Graypaw and Cinderpaw decided to stop being retarded dumbasses from Hellclan and join their friends, which was five minutes later, they arrived in the hall that led to Snowfur's classroom. The she cat stood by her door, holding it open with one paw, and welcomed the students in with a short, hyper, 'welcome' as greeting.
Crowpaw and said friends all found their respective seats along with the rest of the class. "HELLO STUDENTS AND WELCOME BACK TO MY CLASS! SORRELPAW! SINCE YOU ARE ONE OF MY GRAND DAUGHTERS, WILL YOU PLEASE SKIP THIS CLASS FOR GRANNY?" Snowfur yowled, still in her usual hyper mood.
Crowpaw raised his paw.
"YES CROWPAW?" She yowled again.
"Mrs. Snowfur, o mother of Whitestorm, daughter of Moonflower, sister of Bluestar, aunt of Mistyfoot, Mosskit, and Stonefur, and great aunt to Mistyfoot's some how unrandomly not named kits, and grand mother of Sorrelpaw, Rainpaw, Fernpaw, Ashpaw, and Sootpaw and great grandmother of Poppypaw, the reincarnated Cinderpaw and , Molepaw, Poppypaw, Honeypaw, great grandmother to Spiderleg, Shrewpaw, Birchfall, Foxkit, Icekit, Hollykit, Larchkit can we go to our next class?"
"How does he always know my weakness..." Snowfur muttered. Crowpaw and the rest of the class all shrugged and got up and left, except for the nerds.
Crowpaw once again slung his duffle bag over his back, books and everything inside, and started to walk on to lunch to get there early.
Crowpaw poked at his food with his fork. They called this roast beef? To him, it looked more like a steak on steroids. "Erm... Sorrelpaw, are you sure they're not trying to poison us?" He asked a little skeptically.
"I'm absolutely positive Crowpaw. All we have to worry about is--- too late" Sorrelpaw started to say until the friends all turned their heads to see Mousepaw walking towards their table. "Starclan damnit!" She cursed, which was surprisingly weird because ever since elementary, Firepaw, Cinderpaw, Graypaw, and Ravenpaw had never heard the she - cat curse.
That was even if the word 'damnit' could be considered a curse.
"Hey! Can I sit by you!" Mousepaw asked cherrily, staring at Firepaw like he was a sardine in a seagull pen. Firepaw and Crowpaw were about to nod in 'no' fashion before Mousepaw spoke again. "Thanks guys!" He added.
When Graypaw came to sit, he thought that he would die from Mousepaw's endless chattering. All the apprentice did was talk about his relationship with other toms and how much he thought she - cats were sick. Particulary, he seemed to be attracted to Firepaw and would shy away from Sorrelpaw and Cinderpaw everytime they tried to talk to him.
"--So this one time! I made out with another apprentice named Coyotepaw! And I mean, he had the most beautifulest gray fur with black striped and a white muzzle! But my father, Smoky, said that if I was going to be in a relationship with another tom, I would have to move schools because me and Coyotepaw were always making out!" He said hyperly.
Graypaw coughed and snorted "Loser" Under his breath. Sorrelpaw shot him a dirty look.
"Wow... please enlighten us with your stories..." Crowpaw said borridly, twirling his sushi with a fork in his right paw. He had to admit, even the food could probably tell a better story than Mousepaw could. He could just imagine it:
" Salmon the sushi opened his door. "Sweetie! I'm home!" He called out, his fishy scent filling up the house's broiler. Running down the stairs came his two kids, Trout and Flounder, followed by his wife, Tuna who was holding their month old baby, Squid and Squid's twin brother, Catfish.
"Oh hello Salmon, your sister, Jellyfish, said she's coming with your neice, Koi. I think they said that your other fifty something brothers and sisters might be coming too. I definately know that Goldfish, Pihrana, Guppy, and Clownfish are coming. So how was work today?"
Salmom looked down at his steamed fins. "Just the same, one of my workers fell into the seaweed again... it took five hermit crabs to pull him out. And then one hundred thousand, twenty six of my other workers at caught in a fishing net"
"oh... hey dad! We're going play near the harbor!" Trout proclaimed loudly.
"Well, there go the last twenty eight of our used - to - be -eggs"
By the time Crowpaw snapped out of his thoughts, Mousepaw was telling another story. "Hey guys! Guess what? Do you need a boyfriend? Cause I think I can hook you up with some pret - ty decent toms. Let's see... I know Wolfpaw, Dingopaw, Crabpaw, Mountainpaw, Inkpaw, Oddpaw... oh! And I think that Soappaw would be just perfect for you, Graypaw!" Mousepaw exclaimed.
"I can't wait to meet him..." Graypaw sighed. Crowpaw stifled a chuckle and watched Graypaw load some corn on his fork and flick it across the cafeteria where it nailed Tawnypaw in the head. "oops" He laughed and quickly ducked down when the tortoiseshell whipped around, glaring and spitting curses.
Of course Graypaw never noticed Ashpaw, Brightpaw, and Jaypaw all pointing to him, the blind gray tom actually pointing at Leafpaw which resulted in Leafpaw getting beamed by carrots and sporks.
"So! As I was saying! Guess what? Guess who's sharing my dorm with me? Can you guess? Can ya, can ya, can ya!?" Mousepaw squealed in delight. This time Crowpaw had his chance to roll his eyes.
"I got, I got, I got... I don't know" Mousepaw frowned.
"Let me see your paper then" Graypaw sighed. Mousepaw turned and started to dig around in his pockets until he presented Graypaw and Crowpaw with his scedhule.
"Here" He shrugged. Crowpaw snatched the list out of Graypaw's paws and looked at it.
"You got Onewhisker and Rainfur" Crowpaw gulped. Mousepaw should feel just FINE with them too. He didn't even want to know how they would initiate him into the group, after all, the seventh graders were pretty odd about how they did stuff like that. And it was those particular events that brings our young little sixth grader's mind thinking about the students at Warrior High, back into his thoughts and out of the cafeteria.
Inside Crowpaw's thoughts:
Stormpaw. Smoky gray tom, captain of the Mouse ball team, the Warrior High Wolves, boyfriend of Sandpaw and is roomate with Foxpaw and Bramblepaw, his two best friends besides Thornpaw, Lionpaw, Cloudpaw, Breezepaw, and Brackenpaw. Most of us think that he'll be voted in high school, most likely to succeed and get all the she - cats. Others think that he'll just waste away his high school years ending up like Stonefur and Graypaw. Featherpaw's brother.
Sandpaw. Ginger she - cat and daughter of Redtail. Sandpaw Red. Being daughter of the vice principal does has it's advantages for her... like how she can get away with grooming in class... skipping class, getting out of hard or long projects and never getting SAC, Detention, ISSP, and other things. Also girlfriend to Stormpaw. Isn't she lucky?
Graypaw. Smoky gray, long furred tom. One long, dark gray stripe running down his back and loves crack. I think Sorrelpaw was telling me yesterday it was something about the way Patchpelt brought him up. I still say that his foster father, Thunderstar, wasn't strict at all. Okay, he's my best friend. Also a crackhead. But I guess he can still be sane at times. Sometimes at least... I wonder if that stash under his bed ran out yet...
Scourge. Black seventh grader who always wears what he calls' pimpage', not blingae. I guess he thinks that knmockign dogs out with your fists is the best way to get their teeth. And he is dating Spottedleaf. I guess he thinks that being top bully makes him cool oor something. I guess he also thinks that hanging out with Hawkpaw, Longtail, Dustpaw, Jaggedtooth, and Darkstripe makes him able to get what he wants from the nerds.
Longtail. Some stupid tabby tom who lives right down the hall from me, Graypaw, and Ravenpaw's dorm. I often hear she - cats yowling from his room. Do I really want to know? Oooooh... me and Graypaw might go blackmail him one day. Anyway, he's like... Scourge's right hand tom or something. I do not understand seventh graders. Why must they be like that?
Spottedleaf. My Starclan! Tortoiseshell she - cat with long fur and the biggest prep you will EVER meet, I swear, anyway, she's Sandpaw's idol. I mean, how does 'OMG! Only Spottedleaf can where STRIPES and POKA DOTS at the same time and still get all the toms!" sound like? -cough- problems -cough-
Ravenpaw. Black tom, white tipped tail. I really have no clue why he thinks the world is going to end everytime: The microwave dings, Firepaw drops something, the bell rings, paperballs hit the teacher, corn gets flicked in his eye, everytime Bluestar starts the morning announcements, and a lot of other stuff, or like whenever Graypaw took out a paintball gun he found underneath his bed and started shooting us randomly.
Sorrelpaw. Tortoieshell she - cat and forest green eyes. Probably my only sane friend. I don't understand why she always tries to comfort Ravenpaw whenever he goes into another one of his 'the world is going ot end' fases. It always gets back to normal in the next few minutes but hey, that's Sorrelpaw for you.
Mousepaw. Gray and white tom. Who the floosie does he think he is? I mean, Starclan, he's gay! And why won't he ever leave us alone? I think he has thing 'thing' for Firepaw. Maybe I should tell Mr. Emo to watch Mousepaw carefully. But, maybe being roomates with Rainfur and Onewhisker will get him to leave us alone... for now at least. Not too sure about the future either but for now, I'll just blame it on his father, Smoky, and mother, Daisy. They ARE his parents after all...
Hazelpaw. Oh Starclan, somebody please take away her computer or the internet. Does she know what 'self control' is? Obviously not, I mean how am I supposed to know what 'OMG! Lolz u r lyk zo HAWT! Even mor than mah bro!', I'm not a chatspeak translator nor sha'll I ever be one. How do Mousepaw and Berrypaw put up with her? At least I don't have to share a dorm with her...
Yellowpaw. Stupid, ugly, disgusting, inexplainable, fatass, dumbass, retard, fucktard, dumbtard, stupid load of lard who doesn't know what personal hygiene is and needs to learn the simple fact of life that toms DO NOT fall for her nor sha'll they ever because she is some stupid, ugly gray she - cat with the dullest yellow eyes I have ever seen. I do not know how I was ever able to approach her on my first day, thank Starclan Graypaw saved me from her horrific looks and told me to never, ever approach her skinny ass, bag of bones ever again. I now ask myself, on the second day os school, how I have gotten to realize just what she IS? I mean come on, she looks like some homosexual freak who could probably make Mousepaw look straight in the eyes of Sandpaw which is so hard to do I'm not even going to think about it. Bad thoughts may occur... Okay, so in high school she'll probably be voted all of the following: Most likely to not succeed, work at McMouser's, live in a trash can in a an alley way, eat garbage scarped off of Stormpaw or Spottedleaf's plates, or my personal favorite, to get shot from trying to get accepted into Silverpelt Idol or trying to get on Mrs. Starclan and actually win. Oh Starclan I think I can stop ranting about the hideous of this beast that is known as Yellowpaw. Why? WHY must Starclan not bless her with good looks that even Shortwhisker or Rainfur probably have. WHy not make her be the snobby, vain little Ivypaw who is like Sandpaw's body guard or something except she won't even touch Yellowpaw's fur because everybody knows that Yellowpaw probably has some horrible desease like a flesh eating virus or something that would devour you in seconds as if you were an exact copy of Spottedleaf except more beautiful and times fifty - seven and about point dot eight billion and one. I think she'll be lucky if she even gets a boyfriend for Starclan's sake! The only tom or toms who would probably be attracted to her would either be Harepaw, Kestrelpaw, Littlecloud, Runningnose, or maybe become a bisexual and end up joining the rejects like Mousepaw, Heatherpaw, Onewhisker, Twig, Rainfur, and Willowpaw, or she could always go health freak like Shortwhisker and Owlpaw. I don't understand health freaks at all. They're too... health freakish if you get my drift. Wait, back to ruining Yellowpaw's reputation in my head. Come on, I mean who were her parents? Oh yeah, that's true, she's Yellowpaw River, daughter of stupid Riverclan leader Riverstar who dies like Starclan knows how many years ago but we're not even sure if he IS her REAL father because contrary to popular belief, we have no idea if her mom or dad is a hermaphrodite... but then again, if I went go ask her, she probably would have no clue what a hermaphrodite is... just like Eric Cartman's mom off of South Park which is 'lyk teh most awezomest show eva!' As Hazelpaw would say... I still say Hazelpaw has problems... hang on, is that the lunch bell? Wow, guess I spent more time thinking about some ugly - as - Deathclan gray she - cat than what I thought... so I think now I sha'll go off to lunch recess and go mingle with the students who I hadn't been able to meet earlier on my first day because of random reasons and plus the authoress is now wondering why she has typed this entire paragraph without spacing... maybe she just wanted to make everything look long and actually see who would take the time to read. Author note: If you read this, let me know and I'll feature your story or something in the next chapter, if you review at least, okay? I'll only do the first three people though...
End of Crowpaw's excessive line of thoughts that drug on forever until the lunch bell rang and they all walked outside for lunch recess...
"Who's that?" Crowpaw asked, prodding Sorrelpaw in the side with a claw. The she - cat snapped out of her thoughts and turned to look at him. "Hello? Sorrelpaw?" He inquired again.
"Wha?" She asked dazed. Then she snapped out of it. "Oh, what Crowpaw?" She asked in her usual voice. Crowpaw felt like slapping the nearest cat which happened to be a meanedering Leafpaw. He raised a paw and smacked the tabby she - cat dead across the face, causing Leafpaw to jump backwards, land on her back, and have all her books go flying in the air and have one of them smack Scourge and Darkstripe.
"Let's go" Cinderpaw butted in by grabbing both of her friend's by their scruffs and leaving Leafpaw to get beat up, even if she was a nerd.
Cinderpaw led the friends a few feet to a fence where Graypaw and Firepaw were, talking about the color black. Not to mention it was Firepaw who brought up the conversation anyway but I figured you could guess that. "Now who were you talking about?" Sorrelpaw asked once again.
"Him, that tabby tom over there" Crowpaw pointed out with a claw.
"That's just Longtail, he's a bully with Scourge and the others. His dorm is down the hall from ours... I know I wasn't the only one who heard those yowls last night..." She grumbled, thinking of what Longtail,a nd his two roomates, Darkstripe and Scourge were doing to Spottedleaf, Echosong, and Frostfur last night.
"Bad thoughts..." Firepaw said in his emo voice.
"Ya know, I agree with Mr. Emo this time" Cinderpaw interrupted. The gray apprentice was currently watch Leafpaw being held to the wall with a fist raised in front of her, being threatened for her homework. "I wonder if they know that they're in seventh grade and that we're in sixth grade"
"They don't know that. They're all dumbasses, what would you expect from them?" Graypaw asked. "Now I don't know about you all, but I'm going to my locker before Ch6t Sp33k3r gets their before me" Graypaw added but stopped when he saw the weird glances he was receiving from Crowpaw and Cinderpaw. "What?"
"Uhh... Graypaw, I have no idea what 'Ch six t space sp three three kay three rrrrr' means" Crowpaw said.
"Chatspeak you hooker!"
(A/N: The whole hooker thing is this huuuuuuuuuuuge inside joke that me and some of my friends made up at school... don't ask about it)
Petalnose looked over her clipboard and surveyed her class. Crowpaw sat next to Graypaw, Sorrelpaw, and Cinderpaw, not to mention that Ravenpaw was supposed to be in this class with him and Firepaw decided to skip class to go slit his wrist in the bathroom down the hall.
"Everybody's here" Petalnose said aloud. To the students of Warrior High, she was probably the only sane teacher around the school. Nightcloud, Snowfur, and Tigerstar were way out of the question.
"It would appear so" Thistleclaw remarked. Petalnose's eyes scanned over to where the tom sat, where she promptly narrowed her eyes at him.
"Thank you for that remark Thistleclaw. Now for the rest of the class, I want each and every one of you to define all the physical properties of each element on the Periodic Table of Elements" Petalnose announced.
A loud groan echosed throughout the entire class where multiple paper balls were thrown at petalnose. "Yeah, yeah, yeah, we all don't like this class but live with it" She replied with a smirk. Sorrelpaw raised her paw. "Yes Sorrelpaw?" She asked sweetly again.
"Umm, aren't you supposed to teach it to us first before ordering us to do it?" She asked. Petalnose raised a paw to her fur between her ears and scartched it.
"That's right. I'm SUPPOSED to teach it to you. But I don't want too. So there, educate yourselves!" She yowled and slammed three text books on the desks, causing all the sleeping personel, said personnel being Stormpaw, Foxpaw, Thornpaw, Hawkpaw, Dustpaw, and Thistleclaw who fell asleep amazingly fast.
"Starclan, you don't have to be such a bitch about it..." Dustpaw remarked, rubbin his eyes open and twitching his whiskers in annoyance.
"Live with it" Petalnose replied, this time with a playful grin which Thistleclaw promptly threw a pencil at to wipe it off. "Thistleclaw, to the office NOW!" She yowled. The tom muttered something about monkeys coming to kill her and then stalked out of the classroom. :Now class, please get on with your work" This time, Graypaw raised a paw. "Yes?"
"I can't do this work" He replied smugly.
"And why not?" She questioned.
"Because, I'm Hexakosioihexekontahexaphobia " He said, trying to put on a sad look which wasn't really sad at all. It looked more like a donkey on steroids trying to fo the disco in a bikini on a Saturday night with Sandpaw with a parrot on his should humming the United States national anthem in a pink tuxedo with a wine stain on it in the shape of Houston, Texas.
"Mr. Patch, I highly doubt you are Hexakosioihexekontahexaphobia" Petalnose sighed. As soon as she turned around Graypaw and Crowpaw high fived each other, only when they realized she was buzzing the office. Crowpaw, thinking fast blurted out:
"But I'm Hexakosioihexekontahexaphobia too!" Petalnose turned around and promptly repeatedly pulled on the office buzzer thing. "And I have a lot more fears too!" This time, his teacher was interested.
"Like what?" She asked innocently in a not so innocent voice.
"Well... can I go visit Whitestorm about this, me and Graypaw?" He asked. Petalnose shrugged and pointed to the door.
"So, Mr. Patch, please start by telling me some of your phobias, and why you are afraid of them" Whitestorm started. Crowpaw was stretched out on a couch and was watching his friend act dramatical.
"Well, for one, Ablutophobia" Graypaw said and then started to get shaky. "The fear of taking of taking baths. It all started whenever I was Crowkit. Ashfoot forced me to take a bath. She tried to drown me! Everytime I would come up for air, would dunk, me again until she had to get my foster father, Tornear to tie cinderblocks around my paws to keep me down. I have been terrified ever since..." he then started to stare off into space.
"Mmm hm. Please continue" Whitestorm replied. Graypaw took in a large gulp and swallowed.
"Then, I'm also Agrizoophobia. I am deathly afraid of wild animals" Graypaw shuddered and winked at Crowpaw whenever Whitestorm turned back around.
"But aren't you a wild animal yourself?" He inquired.
"I know!" Grayexclaimed and then proceeded to cry unstoppably until he was handed a kleenex box. " I am also Ailurophobia, Elurophobia, Felinophobia, Galeophobia, Gatophobia, because I am afraid of cats so badly" Now this really confused Whitestorm, Crowpaw could tell by the look on the white tom's face. Instead, he mouthed an 'okay...'.
"Allodoxaphobia, I cannot tell you how scared I am of hearing others opinions" Crowpaw walked up to his friend and tried to comfort him, to go along with the scene. "I mean, have you ever heard that some people... want to ban abortion and others want to keep it!? I can't watch TV now..."
"One of my biggest fears is Antidaeophobia" Crowpaw told his friend. Graypaw looked up at him with red eyes.
"You... you mean it? You're afraid of ducks too?" Crowpaw nodded his head. "Hug!" And then the two proceeded to madly hug each other in a friendly way, not loveish all you pervs out there!
"Well Crowpaw, you know what I fear? I am chorlorphobia. I am afraid of the color green. That is why I have never been able to touch the walls in the cafe at the dorms. And then, I'm also Judeophobia" He then started to whimper. But this time, Whitestorm joined in.
"Really? Because... I'm also afraid of Jews..." Whitestorm mumbled. "Group hug!" He yowled, but instead, watched Crowpaw and Graypaw silently slip out of his room with ease, the two snickering the whole way. "Why do they always abandon me?!" They heard Whitestorm cry out one last time.
"Well, we have the rest of the time to ourselves... now what?" Crowpaw asked. Graypaw put a paw to his forhead and tapped it.
"Good question... wanna go smoke crack?" Graypaw asked. Crowpaw shurgged.
"Sure" He replied, wondering why he actuallu agreed.
And so, the two friends smoked crack and weed until it was time for history class with Sharpclaw.
"Welcome to history class. Today, we'll be learning about George Washington, the first president of the United States of America that I have no clue if that even exist but since the textbooks say it does then we sha'll talk about it. Any questions?" Sharpclaw asked, looking around his classroom. Firepaw raised a paw.
"Who is. George. Washing. Ton?" He asked.
"George Washington... hang on, let me go pull something up on wikipedia because the authoress does not feel like going through all the trouble of looking all over the internet for George Washington. Here we go" Sharpclaw responded with. Crowpaw, Graypaw, and Firepaw all smacked their heads, Graypaw missing his head and hitting Ivypaw instead because his sense of direction was off because he was stoned.
"(February 22, 1732 – December 14, 1799 was a central, critical figure in the founding of the United States and is commonly considered the father of the American nation. He led America's Continental Army to victory over Britain in the American Revolutionary War (1775–1783), and in 1789 was elected the first President of the United States of America. He served two four-year terms from 1789 to 1797, winning reelection in 1792." Sharpclaw started and then surveyed the looks on his classes face.
"What is that supposed to mean? What's February and December?" Talonpaw inquired from his seat. Sharpclaw gave him a cold, hard stare and pulled up another article.
"George Washington was born on February 22, 1732 (February 11, 1731, O.S.),[2 the first son of Augustine Washington and his second wife, Mary Ball Washington, on the family's Pope's Creek Estate near present-day Colonial Beach in Westmoreland County, Virginia.
In his youth, Washington worked as a surveyor of rural lands and acquired what would become invaluable knowledge of the terrain around his native state of Virginia. Washington embarked upon a career as a planter and in 1748 was invited to help survey Baron Fairfax's lands west of the Blue Ridge. " Sharpclaw added.
"What's Blue Ridge and Virginia?" Smokepaw decided to ask.
"Ask the authoress." Sharpclaw responded. "Now, we'll be talking about his early life so pay attention. You will all have homework tonigh so I suggest you ALL listen--- THAT MEANS YOU TOO GRAYPAW!" He yowled when he noticed the apprentice slipping Bramblepaw some marijuana.
"Electoral College elected Washington unanimously in 1789, and again in the 1792 election; he remains the only president to receive 100 of electoral votes. John Adams was elected vice president. Washington took the oath of office as the first President under the Constitution for the United States of America on April 30, 1789 at Federal Hall in New York City although, at first, he had not wanted the position."
"The First U.S. Congress voted to pay Washington a salary of $25,000 a year—a large sum in 1789. Washington, already wealthy, declined the salary, since he valued his image as a selfless public servant. At the urging of Congress, however, he ultimately accepted the payment. A dangerous precedent could have been set otherwise, as the founding fathers wanted future presidents to come from a large pool of potential candidates - not just those citizens that could afford to do the work for free."
The class looked confused beyond belief.
"After fighting broke out in April 1775, Washington appeared at the Second Continental Congress in military uniform, signaling that he was prepared for war. Washington had the prestige, the military experience, the charisma and military bearing, the reputation of being a strong patriot, and he was supported by the South, especially Virginia. Although he did not explicitly seek the office of commander and even claimed that he was not equal to it, there was no serious competition. Congress created the Continental Army on June 14; the next day, on the nomination of John Adams of Massachusetts, it selected Washington as commander-in-chief. Washington assumed command of the American forces in Massachusetts in July 1775, during the ongoing siege of Boston. Realizing his army's desperate shortage of gunpowder, Washington asked for new sources. British arsenals were raided (including some in the West Indies) and some manufacturing was attempted; a barely adequate supply (about 2.5 million pounds) was obtained by the end of 1776, mostly from France. Washington reorganized the army during the long standoff, and forced the British to withdraw by putting artillery on Dorchester Heights overlooking the city. The British evacuated Boston and Washington moved his army to New York City."
"Pfft, as if Graypaw could remember any of that..." Crowpaw joked, nudging Graypaw in the ribs.
"After retiring from the presidency in March 1797, Washington returned to Mount Vernon with a profound sense of relief. He devoted much time to farming and, in that year, constructed a 2,250 square foot (75-by-30 feet, 200 m) distillery, which was one of the largest in the new republic, housing five copper stills, a boiler and 50 mash tubs, at the site of one of his unprofitable farms. At its peak, two years later, the distillery produced 11,000 gallons of corn and rye whiskey worth $7,500, and fruit brandy"
"Wha?" Firepaw inquired.
"On December 12, 1799, Washington spent several hours inspecting his farms on horseback, in snow and later hail and freezing rain. He sat down to dine that evening without changing his wet clothes. The next morning, he awoke with a bad cold, fever and a throat infection called quinsy that turned into acute laryngitis and pneumonia. Washington died on the evening of December 14, 1799, at his home aged 67, while attended by Dr. James Craik, one of his closest friends, and Tobias Lear, Washington's personal secretary. Lear would record the account in his journal, writing that Washington's last words were Tis well."
Crowpaw raised his paw and Sharpclaw called on him. "Sharpclaw, do YOU even know what any of that crap is?" He asked with a playful smirk, one he would much expect from Sasha or Nightcloud.
"No, but the lesson plan says I have to teach it so here it is. That's enough for today, now for homework. I want each and everyone of you to do a 10,000,000 chapter and each chapter having that amount of words, essay on who George Washington was, is, everything he ever said, everything he ever wore, and how many times he had unprotected---"
"We get it!" Squirrelpaw cried out. Crowpaw could opnly imagine what his teacher was going to say next, and he really didn't want to know...
"You have the rest of this period to work on it" He finished and let the class begin.
Crowpaw, Sorrelpaw, and Graypaw were all quietly humming to themselves, minding their own business when all of a sudden, A GIANT CAT EATING RABBIT JUMPED OUT OF THE LIGHTS! Just kidding, they were heading towards Clovertail's classroom, the teacher who really didn't give a crap about them.
As they passed by the floor that was being redone, they heard a loud crash which made them stop. "What was that?" Sorrelpaw inquired, turning her head to the side and looking at Graypaw expectantly.
"I dunno, let's go look" He replied.
"Ohhhhhhh no, we're not supposed to even walk on that floor, much less stampede over it!" She protested.
"Suit yourself" Crowpaw shrugged and gave a curt nod to Graypaw. "Sha'll we?"
"Yes, let's" And the two strode over onto the floor, where they were only met by a black cat with a white tipped tail, a bright pink, paint covered bucket over his head and multiple peathingy feathers outlining his lithe frame, claws making a horrible screeching sound against the newly waxed floor.
"Is that Ravenpaw!?" They heard Sorrelpaw yowl, jumping up and down in her spot.
"I think so" A passing Swiftpaw muttered.
Crowpaw turned his crystal blue eyes off the tabby apprentice and looked back at Graypaw, who was following in suit of Ravenpaw. "Good idea!" He shouted and did a leap in the air, sailing over a dropped shoe which smelled oddly of Yellowpaw, and started to skate around the waxed floor.
"Hey Crowpaw!" Ravenpaw yowled, zooming past him in less than two seconds. Crowpaw turned on heel and watched him, only to not pay attention and run into a randomly placed brick wall. Ravenpaw stopped when he heard the crash and skated over to him. "Hey, if you do that again, you would be just like Cinderpaw!"
"Shut up and help me get up" Crowpaw growled and heaved himself to his paws with a grunt of effort. "Now what? We're just going to skip class and skate around an area that the floor is currently being pollished and pray to Starclan that Clovertail or Bluestar just don't happen to meander by and see us?" He guessed.
"That's the plan actually" Graypaw shouted, skating past the two. Crowpaw sighed and joined them, it turned out, by the end of the class, they had over fifty students doing what they were doing, five of which ended up with broken bones, limbs, and in some cases, missing fur.
Crowpaw, Ravenpaw, and Graypaw all flopped backwards on their respective beds. The three both sat in silence for a few minutes, each staring at the ceiling fan whir away. "Okay, who's going to do the homework?" Ravenpaw said, breaking the silence. Then the silence reigned for about five more minutes.
"Let's go visit Kestrelpaw" Graypaw suggested, leaning up. Crowpaw and Ravenpaw looked at each other and shrugged. "Come on" He added when it was apparent his two friends weren't to sure of his idea.
And with that, they all padded off to Kestrelpaw, Harepaw, and Leafpaw's dorm, only to be met by Longtail and Darkstripe.
"What are you all doing here?" Darkstripe snarled. Graypaw flicked his ears and twitched his whiskers in annoyance. Of course they didn't feel like putting up with the local retards. "Well?" He urged.
"That doesn't concern you" Crowpaw retorted with a hiss.
"Grr" Darkstripe growled. Longtail's tabby fur appeared out of the dorm next to Harepaw and company, Cody and the other nerds where Cody ran out screaming:
"The British are coming The British are coming!" She yowled down the hall until a passing Smokepaw corrected her.
"Don't you mean Longtail?" Cody stopped in her tracks and nodded before running again.
"Longtail is coming! Longtail is coming!"
"Oi, this is going to be a loooooooooooooooong night. Hey, who wants to go get something to eat?" Ravenpaw asked, ignoring the glares he was currently receiving from Darkstripe and Longtail.
"...sure" And with that, the friends all walked off to go get food.
"And then the two proceeded to madly hug each other in a friendly way, not loveish all you pervs out there!" So, are you implying that gayness is perverted? In fact, gays are not held in a good light at all in this story. And a fear of Jews? I think you need to watch what you say, Tawnyfire. There's a fine line between funny comments and bigoted ones. You are standing directly on top of that line.
My fanfics:[br][br]One-shots:[br]Guilt and Redemption[br]Parodies: [br]Fireheart's Birthday[br]Brave Little Warrior(UF)[br]
First of all, I have nothing against gays because first of all, I was NOT implying that I hated them. I was merely putting it like that for all the perverts out there who get bad ideas about certain stuff to not start thinking about that.
Second, hang the fuck on! There IS a fear of Jews that exist, and it's exactly what I put it is. So Mossleg, learn to shut the hell up because no matter what you say will make me change my mind.
I'll have you know, that on fanfic.net I have 10 chapters for it, over 70,000 words, and 121 reviews so shut the hell up!