St StarClan's }{ Being a Apprentice is tough.

[dare.xx.awaken me...]

Tawnyfire did a brilliant school story. Im in the uk, and we don't have grades and everythin, we have Years. So here is Graypaw, Firepaw, Ravenpaw, Dustpaw and Sandpaw going to St.Starclan's after leaving Little Mouse Primary. Rawr. They are year sevens, and this story is gonna go up to being sixformers. So they start about ages 11-12 and get like to, 16. Rawr.
Title: St.StarClans
Chapters: Loads
Author: Dare
Pairing: None specifically
Rating: PG-13, hopefully it should stay that way, until the later years
Spoilers: None realleh
Summary: How can two anti-kittypets, A former kittypet, a apprentice with a thing for sixth-formers, and a tom on the brink of a nervous breakdown ever get on? And what will happen in the 5+ years of manic St.StarClans? Being a apprentice just got tougher.
Warning: Mild cussing, some sexual referances every now and then. Not for the young or squeamish.
Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot. Lol.
Beta: Myself.
Cover: None

Chapter 1. Part One. First lesson, Pr0n, and two sixthformers
"Look at her!" The grey apprentice exclaimed, pointing at a slender silver sixth-former. All the heads of the small group turned to Graypaw. A RiverClan cat turned at them "Thats Silverstream, Crookedstars daughter. Fantazise about her all you like, you ain't never gonna get her" The cat snorted and turned away, leaving a blushing Graypaw, and a bemused Dustpaw, Sandpaw, Ravenpaw and Firepaw behind.
"Graypaw, For StarClans sake, can you stop slobbering over sixth-formers and get to first lesson?" Sandpaw mewed. Graypaw stalked off, but stopped dead in his tracks. "What is first lesson?"

The group of ThunderClanners had been a St StarClan's for three days now, and alredy caused a uproar. They were the first ThunderClan there since Tigerclaw has been a sixth-former.

Firepaw pulled out a immaculate sheet of paper from a dark blue backpack on his shoulder. "First Lesson is...Food Technology"
...
He was greeted by blank stares, and a snort of disgust from Dustpaw. Graypaw's eyes lit up at the word "Food". "What is food technology, Firepaw?" Ravenpaw asked, very, very nervously. Firepaw rolled his eyes. "Learning, catching, and tasting new foods of course!" He replied cheerfully. "Tasting?" Echoed Graypaw, snatching Firepaws immaculate timetable. "F36. Bye" He said, before almost leaping up the stairs. Laughing quietly amongst themselves, Sandpaw and Dustpaw hauled their duffle bags over their shoulder and followed. Firepaw skipping gaily behind, with Ravenpaw lagging, the toms eyes streatched wide and darting in every direction.

Frostfur's eyes started to darken. "Graypaw, please slow down, we havent finished Mouse number 1 yet." She mewed irritably at the Gray apprentice, who had gorged himself on the whole of his plate, and some WindClan kids too. Graypaws amber eyes looked up innocently. Suddenly the spell of silence was broken by a Year 11 bursting through the door, holding something pink.
"Is that a..." Graypaw started "Yes, it is what your thinking" Dustpaw replied flatly. The object which the authoress does not wish to name because of Pg13ness was flung across the classroom and landed on Frostfurs snowy pelt, its contents seeping out. "YOU!" She screeched, chasing the year eleven. "BREAKOUT!" A ShadowClan apprentice mewed, flinging herself out the window. A few WindClanners followed, adn a nasty "KERSPLAT" was heard. Another ShadowClan, and A RiverClan tom were busy tapping away at Frostfurs laptop. "YES!" both toms mewed, as pr0n popped up on the screen, magnified by the whiteboard the projector...projected on?
They hi-fived, and soon the whole class was cheering. A flurry of brown flew past a horrified Firepaw's face, growing even more horryfied as he relised it was a WindClan apprentice. The tom smacked against the store room door, and it swung open to reaveal a not-so pretty sight.
Firepaw vomited in the sink.
Graypaw gawped at the two sixth-formers.
So Did Dustpaw
Sandpaw murmued something about six-packs
Firepaw was still vomiting
And Ravenpaw promptly fainted.

"Are they..." Graypaw began again "Yes Graypaw, they are doing it" Dustpaw finished flatly.
"Kewl" Both toms mewed
Sandpaw had grabbed a snuffling RiverClanner, who was literally a kit. "Draw it." she commanded "Draw him" She thrust a piece of paper into the virtually-a-kits paws, stuck a pen in his mouth and shoved him to the front.
Firepaw was still vomiting
Ravenpaw was still lying unconscious over the floor.
A bunch of nerds burst in. "Blackfoot wants to know if you have any..." They stopped, jaws on the floor
"Kewl" The nerds mewed in union
"Kewl" Dustpaw, Graypaw, The nerds, and half the toms left mewed
The two sixthformers, a very slender brown WindClan she-cat, and a husky gray RiverClan tom, were still acting like rabbits, As the authoress mildly puts it, And had not noticed the class of gawping, murming, and and..
Lets cut right there.

The bell rung for break, and a astonished(and sweaty) class of year sevens relised they been her for two lessons, The sixthformers looked up, murmued something, and legged it. Firepaw stopped vomiting, and Ravenpaw pulled himself up. Sandpaw rolled her eyes, and dragged away Dustpaw and Graypaw from...well..whatever they were doing. She snatched the paper from the virtually-a-kit riverclanner and snickered evilly.
School was gonna be fun.

[Airilae-Chan]

You live the UK too? *High five*

Anyway, I thought it was hilarious! The cats jumping out the window was the best part I think, you HAVE to continue AS. SOON. AS. YOU. CAN!

[Shadowstar]

That was funny XD

[dare.xx.awaken me...]

Chapter two. Break, and the horrors of cultural studies.

Firepaw dragged himself out of the building, face pale. Dustpaw and Graypaw were Hi-Fiving when Graypaw showed Dustpaw his camera phone pictures of the previous lesson.
Sandpaw was taking pictures OF the picture the virtually-a-kit had drawn and sending it to pratically every she-cat in the entier school, teacher or pupil.
Ravenpaw had gone over to hang out with some goths.
"I don't see why Ravenpaw want's to hang out with those emos" Graypaw muttered. "They are not emos, Graypaw, there Goths. Goths are actually quite nice people, i onc..." He was cut off by Graypaw, Sandpaw, Dustpaw, and some random kid stabbing another equally random kid with a pencil, with a loud "SHUT UP BOFFIN!" Firepaw snapped his mouth shut. "Im gonna go get some food." Graypaw mewed, heading of the the sandwhich bar, returning later with a mousetail and egg mayonnaise sandwhich and a catmint slush. Sandpaw had found a long lost packet of Trident Soft Chewing Gum in extra catMinty flavour, and was now annoying Dustpaw by making bubbles out of its contents.
"Thats CHEWING gum, NOT bubble gum. Weirdo" He mewed dryly. "So? Its annoying you!" She teased. Firepaw was nibbling a home made vole salad, well, until a sixthformer came and shoved it in his face, leaving Firepaw covered in bits of processed vole. Screeching, he ran off to the little boys room. Graypaw had eaten his meal and was now dining on the remains of Firepaws salad, till her spotted Silverstream and a pretty blue-gray she-cat. Both sixthformers looked his way, but Silverstream winked.
"OMIGODOMIGODOMIGOD! A SIXTHFORMER LURVES MEE!" He squealed, tillthe authoress tapped his shoulder "Since when do toms OMIGOD like girls?"
Anyway
The bell rang, and the cats moped off to third lesson.
"GOD NO!" Screamed Firepaw, causing half the school to turn round in alarm. "ITS CULRUAL STUDIES! ITS R.E!" The year sevens screamed, full of SHOCKHORRORness. Ravenpaw died again, and Graypaw,Sandpaw and Dustpaw looked as pale as Firepaw did earlier. A family of cats walking past the school died of the horror.

Spitting,Hissing and kicking, the Thunderclanners were dragged into a room that WASNT cultrual studies by a golden tom. There they joined the three cats who had launched themselves out of the window earlier, the toms who had made the pr0n pop up and the virtually-a-kit.
"Hello. My name is Lionheart, and I will be your form tutor. Your 7N. Bluestar will now assign you your personal mentors. Every tuesday, thursday and Friday will be spent entierly with your Mentor learning useful things like hunting, fighting, and the warrior code." The gold tom spoke, and a blue-gray she-cat with a striking resemblance to the one seen with Silverstream ealier, just taller, walked in, a paper aeropalne sticking out of one ear and fur ruffled. "I am the Head-Of-Clan for ThunderClan, other clans in here will have mentors assigned later by their head of clan" she looked at the others "Tallstar, Raggedstar and Crookedstar". She took a breath. "Ravenpaw, your Mentor will be Tigerclaw." A massive dark brown tabby walked in and dragged Ravenpaw off to THE HORROR OF CULTURAL STUDIES! "Sandpaw, your mentor will be Whitestorm." A equally massive white cat took Sandpaw to THE HORROR OF CULTURAL STUDIES! "Graypaw, your mentor shall be Lionheart" The gold tom walked from around his desk and took Graypaw to THE HORROR OF CULTURAL STUDIES! "Dustpaw your mentor shall be Redtail. And I will be Firepaws mentor." Someone shouted "TEACHERS PET" Loudly a firepaw as a tom with a ginger tail and bluestar took Dustpaw and Firepaw to THE HORROR OF CULTURAL STUDEIS!

"Now, were going to learn about the tribe, and there ancestores, the tribe of endless hunting" Willowpelt mewed
"Blasphemy!" The Class shouted and ran out the room, only to run into Mousefurs cultural studies class. "Why does StarClan foresake us?" a tom screeched.
"MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! NOW I, MOUSEFUR CAN SUBMIT YOU TO TORTUE BY TEACHING YOU, THE HORRORS OF....
THE TRIBE OF ENDLESS HUNTING"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"




*Shockhorror scream* TBC!

[Shadowstar]

Lolness, this is brilliant XD

[Pineclaw not logged in]

This is SO funny! I love it so far, continue soon!

[dare.xx.awaken me...]

(New style, Each chapter will have a picture, bearing its title and from now on, each chapter will be a day)

"Halp!" Screamed Firepaw, bodies scattered around him. Mousefur was prodding him with her EBIL POINTEH STICK! And telling him to recite the Mouseple according to Silverheart. As they neared the absoutleymassiveopenwindowwhichiseasytofallthrough, pale ginger fur toppled out of it, Lunging, Firepaw grabbed Sandpaw. "OMGZ! U SAVED MAH LIFE EVEN DOEZ I H8 U!!!!!" She screashed, furiosly chewing Airwaves cheweing gum to soothe her. Running out of class, they grabbed Graypaw and Dustpaw, and stuck Ravenpaw somewhere. Making a break for it, they ran to next class.....
Which wasn't there

Where L13 was sposed to be, was a large gaping hole, and a nice view of the territories. "Dude...Wheres my class?" Exclamied Graypaw, almost commiting suicide by nearly falling through. "Lookz! Suicide Catz!" He exclamied again, pointing down.
As they stared over, and saw at the bottom, imploded cats, history repeated itself. Firepaw was sick, Ravenpaw fainted and everyone else said
"DUDE! IMPLODED CATZ! IMZ GONNA PUTZ THIZ ON YOUTUBE!"
"Why is everything ending in -z today?" Firepaw asked to no-one in particular.
A brown lump was being hurled between two sixthformers down the corridor. Its was the WindClanner from earlier. Suddenly, three cats leaped up and landed in the corridor from the ledge. "WE ARZ TEH NINJA KITTEHS!" A tortoishell, A smoky gray cat and a russet-coloured cat stepped forward "I Ish Spottedninja, and dese are Ashninja, and Russetninja and we have mouse claw Shirouken!" To which all three cats fung spiky objects which speared the WindClan cat in mid-cair and pinned him to the wall.
"DUDE! SHIROUKEN'D KITTEH! IZ R GONNA PUTZ DIZ ON YOUTUBE!" Exclamied everyone again.
The lunchbell rang, and the cats departed, except the Ninjas, who were swinging over teh ceilings.
A swarm of fur lunged itself at the HOT FOODS and the staff were promptly suffocated. "PEOPLZ! FREE FOOD!" And the rest of the school swarmed over.
"Why is everything ending in -z today?" Despaired Firepaw as he was trampled.
*A few minuets later*
"Iz is glad every1 got out okay. Me, Sandpaw, Dustpaw, Firepaw...HANGS ON! WTF IS RAVENPAW?" Graypaw said. Dustpaw, Firepaw, and Sandpaw pointed over to a pool of blood where Ravenpaw and other cats were slitting their wrists.
"StarClan help us!" Cried Firepaw, something rubbery flying over their headz.

"OKAYZ! STOPZ WITH THE -Z!" The Authoress cried, making half the world look up
"No" Said someone
"Oh okayz!" Cried the Authoresss who went back to typing.

Byz nowz, Itz was lastz lesson. P.E. "DAMNZ!" Screamed Ravenpaw. "IMZ BUNKING P.E. WHOZ WITH MEH?" He called out. Every cat who had p.e ran over, and the mob hid behind the History block.
*In The P.E. Hall*
Runningwind: Where is everyone?
Tiny ShadowClan Cat: Dey be bunkin sirz!
Runningwind: Nevz mind, now I can get back to my pr0n. Wanna Join me?
TSCC: *Squee!*

[Shadowstar]

Lolz Fear the Z's! And emo Rvaenpaw, lol XD

[Airilae-Chan]

This is great! Lol ;D

That picture is hilarious, HALP! XD

[dare.xx.awaken me...]

"First lesson is D.T peeps" Sandpaw mewed. "Sawz and hacking stuffz up" She mewed seeing Graypaws puzzled face. "Kewl" Graypaw, Dustpaw and Ravenpaw mewed, Firepaw visibly recoiled, but was dragged by his ear suddenly as Ravenpaw ran to the T Block. The dusty classroom had a metal rail going around the room. "Im Tigerclaw, your D.t and Battle teacher. Today we are going to make monorails to go around that metal rail" said the dark tabby who was Ravenpaws mentor.
"Wuz a Monorail Tigger?" Asked a slightly thick WindClanner. "ITS TIGER AND SIR TO YOU!" Tigerclaw practically exploded, but calmed down. "A monorail is a type of monster dat goes on a rail, KK? We making smaller ones! Herez your stuffz, get on wiv it"
"Really?" asked the same WindClan cat
"Ya rly
"Orly?
"Yarly"
"Orly?
"Yarly!"
"No Wai!"
"Ya Wai!"
"Srsly?"
"Srsly!"
"Srsly?"
"SHUR UP!" Screamed Tigerclaw, who picked p the cat and lobbed it over the other side of the classroom, where the ShadowClanner and RiverClanner who did the pr0n were working together, and they caught the WindClanner.
A while later, they shouted "Finished!" and everyone gasped. The had tied the Windclan cat onto the rail, smother his belly and the string in butter and oil and lard, then had shoved a firework up his ass, and were proceding to light it. Before Tigerclaw could stop them, they lept onto the WindClanner, and lit the firework, which shot off, propelling the WindClanner and its joyriders around the rail.

A sixthformer, the RiverClanners brother, smashed Tigerclaw over the head, rendering him unconscious, and began to make the smallest boffins put posters up around the school.

------------------------
Monorail Cat!
T1
Now Taking Passengers!
10 mousetails per ride
-------------------------

The sixthformer then began to sell tickets by the entrance to T1, clubbing anyone who didn't pay. Soon, Graypaw and Ravenpaw went on together, followed by Sandpaw and Dustpaw, to Firepaws horror. But Graypaw, deluded from the ride, picked up Firepaw instead of Ravenpaw for another go. Firepaw briefly became Sicklygreenyellowpaw.

(Unfinished, To be Finished v.soon)