Post by dare.xx.awaken me... on Apr 7, 2009 19:03:51 GMT -5
Title: Mental Prisoner
Chapters: 1
Author: Me!
Pairing: None in particular
Spoilers: TNP
Summary: Bluestar's going mad. And she knows it. She feels locked away from the outside world, and she knows shes hurt people and shes been hurt. Musings of her deranged mind
Warning: Angst.
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Not even this cookie. Poor cookie..
Note From Author: Toward the end, shes starting to become a little more sane
Inspired by my own video xD
[I'm a prisoner, of my fractured memory
After all these years i've set it free,
Torrid emotion in my head]
Bluestar lied on the floor of her cave. She could see it all over again. Her tiny son Mosskit dying in the snow...
The cold..cold snow...
Her head hurt, split open with pain and memory. That terrible night, over and over again. Her son dead in the snow.
Over, and over again.
[But it's hurting, hurting so bad and no-one sees the pain
Wish it was easy to bury again,
For these true notions can't be read]
No-one could see her pain. No-one understood what it took to give up her kits. She did it for her clan...
Her clan that turned its back on her, the traitors.
She wanted to bury it into her mind and it to lie dormant again, but it wouldn't. It was here, constantly hurting her.
[So complicated,
My past, my past rejection,
My striving for affection,
Why did she give me away?]
She shouldn't have loved Oakheart the way she did. She just wanted to be loved, and he loved her. More than anything. She missed him terribly. Perhaps, in StarClan, she could be with him again...
How could Tigerclaw, her greatest and most respected warrior, kill the cat she loved?
[So understated,
Oh I kept it locked up inside
Emotion taken up by pride
But my minds been led astray]
She had kept all deep within her when she became leader. She focused all her engeries on being a good leader, kept all the emotion away...
But now, it had come back to bite her, and now look at her,
A insane, mess of a leader, her mind astray.
[Someone help me,
Help me 'cept my past and live
Give me the strength and courage to forgive,
A fellow friend whos lost and scarred]
She needed to put her past behind her and fight for her clan. She needed to find Fireheart, a loyal friend who she pushed away. She needed to repair the mess she made....
But how?
No one believes her anymore..shes just insane ol' Bluestar...
[Someone show me,
Show me the route and I will take it now
I have to break out of my bonds somehow
Being alone is so damn hard]
She needed to get out. She was trapped. Her head was getting clearer now. The fog was lifting. She couldn't stand being alone anymore in this dark, twilight world of her memories
She knew what she had to do now.
"Dazed, he looked up to see a blue gray shape ramming into the side of the lead dog
"Bluestar!" He yowled
The force of his leader's impact had sent the dog staggering to the very edge of the gorge. Its barking changed to a high-pitched howl of terror as its huge paws scrabble for grip on the turf. The loose soil crumbled away under its weight and its fell, but as it dissapered over the edge its snapping jaws closed on Bluestar's leg and wrenched her over as well"
"Bluestar's eyes flickered open again, looking not at Fireheart, but something just past his shoulder. Her gaze was clear and filled with peace. "Oakheart" she murmured "Have you come for me? I'm ready"
Chapters: 1
Author: Me!
Pairing: None in particular
Spoilers: TNP
Summary: Bluestar's going mad. And she knows it. She feels locked away from the outside world, and she knows shes hurt people and shes been hurt. Musings of her deranged mind
Warning: Angst.
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Not even this cookie. Poor cookie..
Note From Author: Toward the end, shes starting to become a little more sane
Inspired by my own video xD
[I'm a prisoner, of my fractured memory
After all these years i've set it free,
Torrid emotion in my head]
Bluestar lied on the floor of her cave. She could see it all over again. Her tiny son Mosskit dying in the snow...
The cold..cold snow...
Her head hurt, split open with pain and memory. That terrible night, over and over again. Her son dead in the snow.
Over, and over again.
[But it's hurting, hurting so bad and no-one sees the pain
Wish it was easy to bury again,
For these true notions can't be read]
No-one could see her pain. No-one understood what it took to give up her kits. She did it for her clan...
Her clan that turned its back on her, the traitors.
She wanted to bury it into her mind and it to lie dormant again, but it wouldn't. It was here, constantly hurting her.
[So complicated,
My past, my past rejection,
My striving for affection,
Why did she give me away?]
She shouldn't have loved Oakheart the way she did. She just wanted to be loved, and he loved her. More than anything. She missed him terribly. Perhaps, in StarClan, she could be with him again...
How could Tigerclaw, her greatest and most respected warrior, kill the cat she loved?
[So understated,
Oh I kept it locked up inside
Emotion taken up by pride
But my minds been led astray]
She had kept all deep within her when she became leader. She focused all her engeries on being a good leader, kept all the emotion away...
But now, it had come back to bite her, and now look at her,
A insane, mess of a leader, her mind astray.
[Someone help me,
Help me 'cept my past and live
Give me the strength and courage to forgive,
A fellow friend whos lost and scarred]
She needed to put her past behind her and fight for her clan. She needed to find Fireheart, a loyal friend who she pushed away. She needed to repair the mess she made....
But how?
No one believes her anymore..shes just insane ol' Bluestar...
[Someone show me,
Show me the route and I will take it now
I have to break out of my bonds somehow
Being alone is so damn hard]
She needed to get out. She was trapped. Her head was getting clearer now. The fog was lifting. She couldn't stand being alone anymore in this dark, twilight world of her memories
She knew what she had to do now.
"Dazed, he looked up to see a blue gray shape ramming into the side of the lead dog
"Bluestar!" He yowled
The force of his leader's impact had sent the dog staggering to the very edge of the gorge. Its barking changed to a high-pitched howl of terror as its huge paws scrabble for grip on the turf. The loose soil crumbled away under its weight and its fell, but as it dissapered over the edge its snapping jaws closed on Bluestar's leg and wrenched her over as well"
"Bluestar's eyes flickered open again, looking not at Fireheart, but something just past his shoulder. Her gaze was clear and filled with peace. "Oakheart" she murmured "Have you come for me? I'm ready"