kinda dark, but oh well }{ Lost in Darkness

[wildfire]

I was just thinkin' about Jaypaw and thought, well this is how he must feel, so I decided to write it up. (also there's cursing in it)

Chapter 1

Jaypaw sighed boredly as he counted poppyseeds for Leafpool. He had been a medicine cat apprentice for almost four moons now, but it felt more like one-million. Jaypaw had reached poppyseed number 100 and he had barely even brushed the mound of small black seeds, so he decided to think for a while. It seemed from the moment he was born, his life had been going down hill. First, it turns out he's blind. Then, finds out that nobody even liked him for really being himself, he was just looked at with pity. Then, when he becomes a warrior apprentice, his mentor doesn't even train him, she just made him take care of the elders. Then he finds out that his one dream, to be a warrior, is impossible, so he's stuck being a medicine cat. A medicine cat. A Starclan damn medicine cat. He hated being a medicine cat, and hated how his life was going. Cleaning up bad smelling wounds and collecting bitter herbs. "is this really my life?" whispered Jaypaw to the wind. It was no life. But it was the life Starclan had forced upon him and there was no changing that. Well, unless he just ended his life. But I can't do that!he argued angrily with himself. Couldn't he? With the way his life was going it was hard to say. But Jaypaw decided he wasn't finished yet, for the sake of his clan if nothing else. Why should you care, they don't like you , and they treat you like your useless. a small voice in Jaypaw snarled. It was true he thought. He shook his head to clear it and mewed to Leafpool, "I'm going out for some fresh air, ok?" Leafpool nodded absently, then continued dusting the herbs. Jaypaw padded quickly into the forest, not wanting to be caught by some cat. Right now, he wanted to be alone. He slipped like a grey ghost between the trees, and thought to himself. His daily activities consisted of doing boring, tedious chores, while watching everyone else do what he wanted to do most. They were living their dreams. He was watching his, always wishing to join in but never being picked. All because he was blind. A familiar scent wafted towards him. It was Hollypaw. She had been out hunting, but she didn't see him. Jaypaw could tell because she didn't call out or say anything. Jaypaw bumped into something, but not loud enough to alert Hollypaw. It was a yew bush. He remembered Leafpool telling him that yew berries were deadly. His jaws parted on impulse and he leaned toward the bush. Do I really want to do this? but it was too late. Jaypaw felt a single deathberry slip down his throat. It landed in his stomach, and Jaypaw could only hear his heart pounding. "Oh Starclan..." he whispered softly. He felt his breath coming in ragged gasps, and he suddenly didn't want to die alone. "Hollypaw!" he screamed and was surprised at how feeble he sounded.

"What is it Jaypaw?" mewed Hollypaw, padding over to him. She seemed to sense his urgency and became uneasy.

"Hollypaw, will you stay with me here and say goodbye?" croaked Jaypaw, his limbs stiffening.

Hollypaw blinked in confusion. "Why?"

"I just swallowed a deathberry..."

Hollypaw stared from Jaypaw, to the bush, then whispered, "Great Starclan..." she quickly leapt up and began to scream with all her heart for help, though to Jaypaw it sounded very quiet. He staggered onto his side and was swallowed by darkness...

[wildfire]

someone tell me if I'm plagurising (yes, I know I misspelled that) because the last story I wrote turned out to be almost exactly like someone elses...

[the same person]

Chapter 2

Jaypaw opened his eyes to see color and life all around him. He breathed in the vivid scents in the air and realized he was in Starclan's forest. He lept up and and took another deep breathe, feeling happier than he'd been in his whole life. Here he felt no pain, felt no hunger, and was not blind. He could be a warrior in this forest. He turned and lept for joy, then the moment his paws touched the ground, he blazed off through the forest like he could run forever, because here he could. Within moments Jaypaw had burst in to a clearing with a large, leaf-strewn pool in the center. He padded toward the pool and bent to lap and instantly realized something was wrong. He saw that he had no stars in his fur, and he realized that he didn't know any of the secrets Starclan knew. Jaypaw felt his happiness fading, and felt worse when Spottedleaf's reflection appeared beside his own. He raised his eyes from the pool and looked at Spottedleaf.

"Spottedleaf, I'm not in Starclan yet am I?" he mewed softly. He knew the answer before Spottedleaf nodded her head yes, and bristled with rage. I ate a deathberry didn't I?Aren't those supposed to kill you? Spottedleaf looked at Jaypaw with pained love in her eyes and softly meowed, "Why would you do such a desperate thing Jaypaw? Is your life really so horrible you'd want to end it?" Jaypaw suddenly felt ashamed of his decision, but quickly replaced it with anger. "Of course my life is that horrible!" he snarled at Spottedleaf. Spottedleaf recoiled with shock at first, but quickly replaced it with anger. "There are many cats who had much worse lives than you but continued to live them!!" she spat angrily. "Name them then. tell me about these cats and their terrible lives!!" snarled Jaypaw. Spottedleaf fell silent, and Jaypaw nodded smugly. "Just as I thought. You can't can you, my life is worse than anyones!!" he roared. He stomped of angrily through the trees, and didn't stop, even when Spottedleaf demanded he come back. He was mad that he wasn't in Starclan, and now realized that he couldn't try to kill himself again. He was to ashamed of himself to even try, and every cat would be watching him. he sighed as tiredness swept over him, and fell asleep.
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When Jaypaw woke up, he was in the medicine cat den and for a moment, he thought it was all a dream. But when he tried to get up, he found he was to weak to rise, and realized he was recovering from the deathberry. He was surprised to find his stomach didn't hurt at all, and rolled onto it, sticking his paws over the side of his nest. The moment his paws touched the ground, he realized his nest had been moved to a spot were Leafpool could watch him from. He blew out a sigh, and listened to the sounds of camp. He noticed immediately that everyone one was speaking in hushed whispers, and he knew instantly what they were talking about.

"They say he swallowed the deathberry on purpose..."

"Didn't know he felt so bad..."

"I can't believe I didn't help him more..."

Jaypaw flattened his ears against his head to drown out the other cats voices. He felt ashamed of himself, and angry at himself too. He just wished it would all go away, and he could be left in peace. Jaypaw heard a rustling and recognized Leafpool's scent from the entrance to the den.

"Oh, Jaypaw, your awake," meowed Leafpool. She sounded unusually cheery and gentle around him, though he could sense her confusion and fear swirling beneath her pelt.

"yeah..." he meowed quietly. there was an awkward pause before Jaypaw meowed, "how long has it been since..." he couldn't bring himself to finish the sentence and Leafpool gently meowed, "only a few hours, I thought you'd sleep longer" Jaypaw wished he had slept longer. There was another awkward pause before Leafpool meowed, "Do you want Hollypaw and Lionpaw to visit?" Jaypaw didn't really want anyone to visit him, but he nodded anyway. Leafpool went and fetched Jaypaw's littermates, and they padded into the den. The three sat in awkward silence that Lionpaw finally broke. "How do you feel?" he mewed a little awkwardly, and Jaypaw sensed how strange he felt, as if he could barely believe what had happened. "a liitle weak..." grumbled Jaypaw vaguely. Lionpaw blinked than meowed, "I mean how do you really feel? I know that you wouldn't...you wouldn't do what you did without good reason." Jaypaw sighed then mewed, "ashamed, angry, unhappy... and a little numb." Jaypaw felt as though everyone one he knew and loved were more distant than him than ever before. It left him feeling empty, and like he was almost alien, even to himself. They sat in silence for a while before Hollypaw meowed, "you know that we love you Jaypaw, and we would never want anything to hurt you..." Jaypaw suddenly felt anger at her words and snarled, "Get out! both of you, I'm tired!" Lionpaw and Hollypaw, shocked by his words, scurried out leaving Jaypaw alone in sulky silence...

[wildfire]

I really wrote chapter 2 by the way, I just wasn't logged in

[wildfire]

Chapter 3

Jaypaw had napped after Hollypaw and Lionpaw had made a hasty retreat, and when he woke up he found that he felt stronger, but more lonely than he had ever felt in his whole life. No one will ever treat me the same again...thought Jaypaw miserably. Leafpool was out collecting herbs, so Jaypaw was all alone inside the den. The sun felt hot on his back, so he managed to push his nest over to a shadowy corner within Leafpool's sight, so she wouldn't complain. He dropped himelf in his nest facing the stone walls of the corner he had pushed his nest over to, exhausted by his effort. In moments he heard the ferns rustling in the tunnel leading to the medicine cat den, and the scents of Squirrelflight and Brambleclaw drifted to him. He scowled unhappily, though his mother and father couldn't see because his back was turned toward them. "Jaypaw..." Jaypaw could hear the sadness in his mother's voice and her unhappy feelings hit Jaypaw like a wave. Squirrelflight was unable to continue after that, so Brambleclaw took over. "Jaypaw, we just wanted you to know that we love you, and would never-" Brambleclaw began to meow until Jaypaw cut him off. "You sound just like Hollypaw, saying you love me and don't want anything to hurt me when it's you who are hurting me yourselves! Just leave me alone, I'm still exhausted. And tell the other cats NO VISITORS!!" snarled Jaypaw before he curled away from them angrily, away from their misery and sadness. Squirrelflight and Brambleclaw said nothing, only left Jaypaw alone once more, with no one who loved or cared for him. Jaypaw sighed and buried his head in his paws, feeling miserable. He wished right now more than ever that he had never been born. The ferns rustled again, but this time it was only Leafpool carrying some yarrow. She dropped the herbs on the herb pile, before turning to Jaypaw. "You're invited to the Gathering tommorrow, Jaypaw" was all she said before turning away. She could tell that Jaypaw didn't want to be talked to right now and left him in peace. Jaypaw decided he would go to the Gathering, right before he fell asleep...

[Swiftclaw not logged in]

This is really good! You've really captured Jaypaw's personality, and explored what he might have really done if he hated his life. (I like Jaypaw too) Continue soon!

[wildfire]

Hey, sorry I haven't been on for a while, I've been SUPER busy, thanx for the comment Swiftclaw, and if anyone else would like to leave one that would be nice .

Chapter 4

Jaypaw sat nervously at the edge of the Gathering, shifting restlessly on his paws. He had only been to one Gathering before that, but he felt as if he was in his first battle. In truth, he was afraid that his clanmates would blab about his suicidal attempt, and didn't want anycat pitying him even more. He sat by nervously until Leafpool called him to sit with the medicine cats. Thank Starclan Jaypaw inwardly sighed with relief, glad he didn't have to go through the Gathering alone. The moment he arrived with the medicine cats, he instantly noticed a new apprentice was with them. It was a she cat, who smelled of herbs and Shadowclan. She was sitting next to Littlecloud, telling Jaypaw exactly what she was. "Jaypaw," meowed Leafpool, noticing his ears pricked at the medicine cat apprentice, "this is Sunpaw." Jaypaw nodded and meowed a polite 'hello' but he could sense Sunpaw was very shy, and all she did was nod quickly back and whisper something inaudible. Barkface smiled at Jaypaw than mewed, "so, Jaypaw, anything exciting happen the last moon?" Jaypaw winced. The last thing he wanted to talk about was the last moon. "no, nothing important" was all Jaypaw could mutter. He sat down inbetween Leafpool and Sunpaw, whose eyes were fixed on her paws. "shy, little Sunpaw" meowed Littlecloud jokingly, "why don't you apprentices talk amongst yourselves," Jaypaw gulped as he and the other apprentices walked a little ways away. Hope nothing bad comes up...

[cresentleaf]

i love your stories the capture jaypaw very well and i love how you gave littlecloud an appertince i thought it was about time he got one.

[wildfire]

thanx Cresentleaf, I like your story so far too and I appreciate the comment (I wish that others would follow the example) I guess I'm being a little greedy for comments, but any way I thought up more for chapter 4.

Chapter 4 cont.

Jaypaw sat down with the other medicine cat apprentices near some bramble bushes. The moment the cats had sat down though, Lionpaw came over and meowed loud enough for the other cats to hear him, "do you feel ok?" Jaypaw seethed with rage at Lionpaw's stupidity and shook his head, to angry to reply.

"do you want-"

"just go!"

Lionpaw scurried away from Jaypaw and the other cats stared at him in confusion. Jaypaw sighed wearily as he felt the other apprentices minds burning with curiosity. "Jaypaw, what happened?" meowed Willowpaw in a way that said 'we're not gonna stop pestering you til you tell us' making Jaypaw want to cry. But he had been feeling like that alot lately, and felt too drained and tired to argue. He took a deep breath than told them the story. After Jaypaw had finished there was complete silence. Finally, and surprisingly, Sunpaw broke the silence. "why did you do that?" Jaypaw felt totally drained of emotions and muttered so quietly, that only Sunpaw could hear him, "the real reason I did it was because I'm sick. I'm sick of being looked down upon. I'm sick of being blind. And I'm sick of living through the hell I go through everyday." When he had finished, Jaypaw noticed that Willowpaw and Kestrelpaw were gone. Probably telling their mentors, thought Jaypaw miserably. He felt so sad and sick now, like he had felt when he wanted to kill himself. He looked up at Silverpelt glittering in the sky. I wouldn't feel so sad or sick up there... No! I can't think like this again! Jaypaw moaned and closed his eyes, burying his face in his paws. He felt so confused and angry, his emotions whirling around inside him. He just wished he could end it. Suddenly, he felt a soft warm heart pressing against his. He listened to his heart and Sunpaw's heart beating for awhile, even after the Gathering truly started and the leaders announced their news. All Jaypaw could hear was the beating of his heart and Sunpaw's, all through it. They just laid there for awhile, pelts pressed together and tails twined until cats started breaking away and heading for their own clans. Jaypaw stood up and meowed, "I'm ok now..." Sunpaw nodded, and mewed goodbye before walking away to her own clan. Jaypaw padded to Leafpool's side, but all he could think of was Sunpaw's soft pelt and gentle compassion...

[wildfire]

oooh, good chapter huh?

[chellurton]

This is good. You captured Jaypaw pretty well. I try to avoid using existing characters because I'm not good at that, but you are.

[heartsong]

This is great! Please, PLEASE continue!

[wildfire]

Chapter 5

Jaypaw was silent as he padded back into camp and headed straight into the medicine-cat den. He padded into his nest and decided to wait until Leafpool entered the den before going to sleep.

Jaypaw quickly became bored and his paws itched for something to do. As if by bidding, Spiderleg entered the den with a slight limp and a bad attitude. He muttered something about brambles under his breath and Jaypaw could smell his blood flowing from a scratch in his side. "Leafpool! I got scratched by some brambles, can you help me?"

"Leafpool isn't here"

Spiderleg jumped and turned slowly to Jaypaw.

"oh, well I guess I'll ju-"

"but I can take care of it"

Spiderleg stared at Jaypaw in surprise as if he didn't expect Jaypaw to help him. Jaypaw silently arose from his bed and padded across the den to the crack in the wall were Leafpool kept her supplies. He grabbed some cobwebs and horsetail stems and padded back to Spiderleg. He pressed the cobwebs against Spiderleg's wound until the bleeding stopped then chewed the horsetail into a poultice and pressed it into Spiderleg's wound.

"that should be fine. I want you to rest up for a few days, and have me or Leafpool check your wound til we say you don't have to. Understand?"

Spiderleg nodded and opened his mouth as if to say something but then Leafpool came in.

"Jaypaw?"

Jaypaw nodded at Spiderleg to go then turned to Leafpool. "What? He was hurt and I healed him. That's what medicine-cats are supposed to do right?" Leafpool managed to nod then padded to her nest. Jaypaw flopped down in his then curled up into a ball.

"Goodnight, Jaypaw"

Jaypaw waited until Leafpool's breath had steadied and deepened with sleep before whispering into the night air "Goodnight..."

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well that's chapter five hope you like it

[Airilae-Chan]

I like it so far! Poor Jaypaw...Continue, its really good!

[Shadowstar]

CONTINUE! TIS GOOD! WANT... MORE... I likies it