BluStar's feelings-WhiteStorm

[AuroraStar]

Title: Blustar's feelings
Spoilers:Not really, i don't think
Summary:How BlueStar feels
Time: It's around the time of.. i don't know, sometime in Forest Of Secrets!

BlueStar looked around camp. It was cold out, and all the kits were out playing in the snow. 'Look, Cloudkit, a snow-cat!' Meowed a dark kit. BlueStar thought back to her own kits, MistyFoot and StoneFur, given away to RiverClan so that she could be deputy. She had spent whole seasons trying to convince herself that she did it for the clan, but she still wasn't sure. WhiteStorm padded up tp her. 'Hi, BlueStar,' 'Hi WhiteStorm!' she said, trying to keep the happiness from her voice. It always made her feel better when he was around. ';Would you like to come on a walk with me? We could do the whole forest, check the boundaries.' 'I'd lo-of course'. BlueStar replied. It was late afternoon now. The tall pines were covered in glistening white snow, and the red sun was setting behind RiverClan's mountains. 'So... Have any news?' WhiteStorm asked BlueStar. 'Well, i think i might have found-' did she dare tell him her feelings? Well, she would wait maybe her would ask her to be mates.'I think i might have found a new- bathing place,' she stalled. 'Ah, good, the queens will like to explore that.' 'What about you, WhiteStorm, any news yourself?' BlueStar asked the white tom. 'Well, yes, and i think you'll enjoy this news very much.' 'Yes?' breathed BlueStar. 'Well, it's WillowPelt-she's going to have my kits!!!' He cried. 'Oh... how nice.' BlueStar murmured. 'BluStar-are you ok?' He asked. 'I'm fine, i've just got to...' and she ran, stumbling through the trees, blind with grief and rage. Of course he had never liked her, she had been stupid to think...
Later on, when she got back to camp, she saw FireHeart curled up with Sandstorm, Dustpelt watching enviously. WhiteStorm was helping Willowpelt into the nursery-he saw her, and they both looked away. YellowFang was talking to HalfTail, and CinderPaw asleep upon Cloudpaw, even apprentices have someone, bluestar said bitterly. Just then, TigerClaw came up to her. 'BlueStar, i would like to have you as a mate,'he growled.
BlueStar was to shocked to speak.
Tell me what you think, and if i should write more!!!

[Splashwave]

Nice fanfic! Really good, and this is a new plot.

Theres only two problems. You can just drive around the second one, and the first one isn't a big deal. (1)Cloudpaw isn't in love with Cinderpaw, and (2) the reason Whitestorm and Bluestar were so close is because they are related somehow, I forgot how, but its okay because its impossible really to know unless you've read SotC or a friend tells you.

But you can drive around the second one, no big deal. And its really good, just put in some paragraphs.

[Mossleg]

Relation: He's her nephew.
Oh well, I think everyone and their brothers thought they were in love. (Before reading SotC, anyway)

[AuroraStar]

Oh well, i'm sorry! I havn't read past the third book in the original series!!! ;D

[Lightningstrike]

you should continue the tigerclawxbluestar part!it looks good!!

[AuroraStar]

Thanks lightning strike! Ok, i'll try it, here goes:

'But GoldenFlower is your mate Tigerclaw' BlueStar said, trying to remain calm. 'GoldenFlower is NOT tigerclaw's mate!' the brown-gold queen shrieked from across the clearing. 'Well?'Tigerclaw asked. 'Y-you know i'm a leader, we can't have kits!' BlueStar mumbled, frantically making excuses. 'Who cares? We need more kits in the clan. Hah, look at WhiteStorm over there, doting on that feather-brained Willowpelt' snorted Tigerclaw. BlueStar was suddenly filled with rage. Yes, she told herself. You've always felt something for Tigerclaw, havn't you! but she knew she was only trying to convince herself. 'I-yes, Tigerclaw', she said, her head hung in submission. A faint grin, a defiant grin, etched onto Tigerclaw's face, attracted WhiteStorm and Willowpelt's attention. 'What's up, Tigerclaw?' Willopelt asked innocently.
Whitestorm's head was looking at his feet. 'Me and BlueStar are mates!' growled Tigerclaw. 'Oh, er, how lovely!' a confused Willowpelt replied. WhiteStorm looked into BlueStar's eyes, and she could see the anger flashing. 'Leader's can't have kits, that's stupid, who will bring the clan to the gathering, who will do the meetings? BlueStar?' She nodded her head in confirmation. 'He's my mate.' 'And i will be taking, eh, temporary control of the clan.'
WhiteStorm knew now what Tigerclaw was going to do! He would kill BlueStar when she was at her weakest, with kits in th nursery, and then become leader! 'BlueStar, can i talk to you?' The two cats walked side by side out of camp. As soon as they were out, WhiteStorm started. 'He's going to kill you and become leader!' he rushed out in one breath. 'What?' BlueStar turned sharply. 'He doesn't want to be your mate, he only wants conrol of the clan!' 'You're just jealous because you're not MY mate!' growled BlueStar. 'Wake up! He's not interested! And why would i be jealous?!!' WhiteStorm roared at her, oblivious to the fact that she was his leader. 'Oh yes, becaus it's stupid of me to want you! Just because i'm the leader, is that it?!!!' Cried BlueStar.
'What? No, i-' 'Leave me alone!' BlueStar raced back to camp, hating herself.

[Autumnstorm]

Nice! I would just suggest breaking it into paragraphs. Some parts are hard to read.

[hige]

's very good!

[Shadowstar]

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