L, T, and BBQ Sauce... }{ What REALLY Happened...

[Lostsoul]

Title: Lightening, Toasters, and Barbeque Sauce : The True Story of Tigerstars Death

Chapters: Not sure yet... Not very many, though.

Author: Lostsoul

Pairing: There really isn't one... At least, not yet... Doubt there will be...

Rating: E-E10

Spoilers: Might be minor ones for the end of Darkest Hour.

Summary: What REALLY happened at the end of 'The Darkest Hour'. Starclan is crazy, and random. Everyone likes Harry Potter. Tigerstar likes toast. BarbequeSauceclan ^^. Unbuttered toast! The horror!!!!!!!XD And more insanity sure to follow.

Warning: There may be a gambling reference later on, but I'm not sure yet.

Disclaimer: I don't own Warriors, Food Network, Harry Potter, the toaster industry, the television industry, or any other industries, books, video games, or othe mass-marketed items appearing in this story.

Beta: N/A
Cover: N/A

[glow=red,2,300]Chapter 1[/glow]

Tigerstar had been a menace to the forest. With his creation of Toasterclan, combining Shadowclan and Riverclan, all half-clan and non-clan born cats had reason to fear for their lives. The great leader of Thunderclan, and prophesized savior of the clan, was sent a message from Starclan when he was given his nine lives. A pile of bare, barbeque ribs, stripped to the bone, were piled high at four trees. As Firestar stared at them, a voice spoke.
“Low-fat butter and toast shall meet at breakfast.
The square root of four is two.
That barbeque sauce rules, best in the forest!” As the voice died, barbeque sauce poured out from the pile of bones, and Firestar woke up. He figured Starclan had lost their minds.

A few nights later, Bluestar came to him in a dream. “Sorry about that last message.” She said. “We were talking about Food Network, and Lionheart was teaching the apprentices some basic mathematics.”
“S’okay.” Firestar said, shrugging.
“Anyway, THIS is the real message:
Lightening and Toasters will meet on T.V.
Four beavers will really be two otters.
Barbeque sauce will rule the forest.”
“What?”
“I don’t write this stuff, I’m just the messenger.” With that, Bluestar faded away, and Firestar awoke in his den.
“That… Was…” he said to himself, walking into the main part of Thunderclan camp. “Weird…” After he had finished his morning duties, Firestar decided to go for a walk. While he was out, he stopped by a puddle for a drink. As he lapped at the water, his reflection faded, transforming into an image of a lightening bolt, and Bluestars random prophecy echoed in his ears. “Now I get it…”


Hope you like it! ^^

[chellurton]

Wow, that may have been the best thing ever.

[wildfire]

I love ribs...

[wildfire]

if you're wondering why I said that, read my signature

[Airilae-Chan]

Yes, this is very funny! Can't wait for MORE! ;D

[Lostsoul]

Thanks, guys.

Disclaimer (cont.) : I don't own Survivor, American Idol, the World Poker Tour, or Texas Toast. I think that's it...

[glow=red,2,300]Chapter 2[/glow]

A few more days later, Thunderclan and Windclan appeared before Tigerstar, who had asked them to join beneath him as a part of Toasterclan. The two refused, joining forces as the temporary clan, HarryPotterclan. “Tell me again why it’s HarryPotterclan instead of Lighteningclan.” Tallstar said to Firestar.
“Because Harry Potter rocks!” Firestar replied. Words of agreement came from the gathered cats.
“…Okay. You’re right!” Tallstar said. “And HarryPotterclan is a WAY better name that Toasterclan. I mean, what did you get that from, Tigerstar? Watch ‘The Brave Little Toaster’ one too many times?”
“Hey!” Tigerstar shouted defensively. “Don’t diss the toast!”
“What’re you going to do about it?” Firestar asked, trying hard not to laugh. “Throw unbuttered toast at us?” At this, all of HarryPotterclan were rolling around on the ground, laughing their heads off.
“Enough!” Tigerstar shouted. The cats of Toasterclan were trembling, trying as hard as they could not to laugh, too. “I have a secret weapon!” Sitting up, the large tabby clapped his paws. HarryPotterclan gradually stopped laughing, sitting up as the bushes in a semi-circle around Toasterclan shook.
“Wahoo!!!!!!!” As the shout echoed through the forest, a group of cats with barbeque sauce all over their faces jumped into the clearing, running up to Tigerstar.
“Everyone, meet my secret weapon: The cats who live behind the local barbeque joint!” Tigerstar said dramatically.
“I brought you Texas toast!” One of the cats covered in barbeque sauce handed Tigerstar a piece of thick, garlic toast.
“Yay!” Tigerstar took the toast and shoved it in his mouth. “Thnks, Spckyahdths!” he said through the mouthful of bread. The author believes that he meant to say, ‘Thanks, Spicy!’, although she is uncertain.
“You’re welcome!” Spicy, the leader of the barbeque joint cats said. “We’ll be taking your territories now!”
“Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaat!?” All four of the leaders jumped back, surprised.
“We’ll be taking your territories now.” Spicy repeated. “You see, there simply isn’t enough room for us behind our beloved barbeque joint. Therefore, we are taking your land.”
“No you aren’t.” Tigerstar said.
“Then we’ll fight you for it!”
“But,” Firestar began, “you aren’t a clan. I don’t want to fight cat’s I can’t call by a simple collective proper noun.”
“Okay… We’ll be…” Spicy thought for a moment. “Barbequesauceclan.”
“Okay. That’s better.” Firestar smiled.
“Why do we have to fight?” Tigerstar asked.
“Ask the author.” As Tallstar was such a wise, old leader, Tigerstar listened to him.
“Author? Why do we have to fight?”
“Um… Good question…” The author said, magically appearing in front of Tigerstar. “Well, since this is a parody, I guess you don’t have to fight. But, somehow, Tigerstar needs to die.”
“Why do I have to die!? Why not the kittypet!?” Tigerstar pointed at Firestar.
“HEY!”
“Now, now. Blame Erin Hunter.”
“Who?” Tigerstar scratched his head, an odd sight indeed.
“The author of the original Warriors series.” With that, the author vanished.
“So… How’ll we settle this?” Firestar asked.
“I KNOW!!!!” Tigerstar shouted, grabbing a microphone.
“NO!” Firestar pushed Tigerstar over. “There are enough ‘American Idol’ parodies on the internet to start an entirely new series.”
“I have an idea!” Spicy said. “Why don’t we play poker?”
“Ooh! Like the World Poker Tour!?” Tallstar was suddenly excited.
“Yeah!”
“No!” Leopardstar walked over to the other leaders. “There are kits here! Why don’t we… watch TV until we get a better idea?” The other four agreed, and the leaders went to the Shadowclan camp. In the leader’s den, Tigerstar turned on a huge HD, plasma screen TV. After a few minutes, a political add came on.
“We could have an election…” Firestar suggested.
“No, those aren’t that fun…” Tallstar said. “Besides, they cost a LOT of money.”
“We could go on ‘Survivor’…” Spicy said after a while.
“No,” Leopardstar began, “that would take too long.”
“I’ve got it!” Tigerstar shouted after the five had watched a full five hours of Food Network. “Let’s have a cake decorating competition!”
“Awesome!” Firestar shouted, jumping up. Similar comments came from the other three.
“Alright, but, who will judge?” Tigerstar asked.
“I’m sure the author will find someone…” Tallstar said. With that, the five cats departed, heading for Four Trees to make the announcement.

Longer this time. Hope you liked it!

[blueviolet]

Haha... that was great!

[Airilae-Chan]

I love this!!! Contine! CONTINUE!!! ;D ;D ;D

[Shadowstar]

Awesome! Keep going!

[Lostsoul]

Thanks, guys! Here's chapter three... These guys are forgetful!

I don't own 'Iron Chef America', 'Transformers', the drink Shirley Temple, or 'Do You Like Waffles?'.

[glow=red,2,300]Chapter 3[/glow]

The five cats had spent the week working on designs for their cakes. Each had picked an assistant, and gotten all of the materials necessary for the execution of their designs. The cakes had been prepared, and all that was left to do was to decorate. They met at Four Trees, their clans sitting in the stands that had magically appeared there.
“Welcome to ‘Iron Chef America’!” Bluestars voice rang out over the speaker system.
“No, Bluestar!” The author magically appeared next to her. “This isn’t ‘Iron Chef America.’ This is ‘Cats Decorate Cakes’. Get it right!”
“Sorry.” The author disappeared. “Welcome to ‘Cats Decorate Cakes.’ I’m Bluestar, and I shall be your MC for the evening. Today’s contestants have seven hours to decorate their cakes, which will then be judge by our panel. Straight from Starclan, Lionheart, Spottedleaf, and Yellowfang! The contest begins… NOW!” Bluestar pushed a button, and a huge countdown clock started ticking.
Firestar began rolling out some pink fondant, while Graystripe started carving their cake. Tigerstar was pouring some liquid sugar into molds, while Darkstipe watched. Spicy was rolling out brown fondant while Black was rolling out some white. Leopardstar was sipping a Shirley Temple, while Mudfur rolled out blue fondant. The author is as confused as anyone as to why she chose Mudfur as her partner. While Tallstar craved their cake, Onewhisker began rolling out white modeling chocolate. The entire competition was really boring, except for the small explosion Graystripe caused when he accidentally lit a firework. Finally, the judges were finished.
“In third place,” Bluestar said, “Tallstar with his cake portrayal of ‘Transformers’!” Tallstar walked forward and accepted his third-place medal. “In second place,” Bluestar continued, “Leopardstar with her cake representation of a Shirley Temple!” Leopardstar smiled, accepting her second-place medal. “And finally, in first place, the winner of ten thousand mice…” The room was silent, on the edges of their seats, listening intently. The author, too, has questions on how they can do so, being cats. “Firestar and his cake representation of a fireworks launcher complete with real fireworks!”
“Why did we do this again?” Tigerstar asked after the crowd had died down.
“Uh…” The other four said, obviously confused.
“I still want to take over the forest.” Spicy said.
“Oh yeah! That’s why!” Firestar said. “Anyway… Maybe we should try something else…”
“I know!” Tigerstar shouted. “There are four beavers of untold wisdom. They will tell us who should have control of the forest!”
“Beavers?” The other four stared at him. “Okay.” The five cats headed towards Twoleg-place. When they arrived at the Thunderpath, a twoleg monster stopped in front of them.
“I hear you guys are going to see the beavers.” The twoleg said. The cats nodded. “Hop in. I’ll take you there in my monster.”
“I don’t know…” Firestar said wearily.
“We can have a sing-a-long!” The twoleg encouraged.
“Well… Okay!” The four cats jumped into the monster, which whizzed away, headed for wherever these random beavers were. The twoleg turned up the radio, and ‘Do You Like Waffles?’ started playing.
“Do you like waffles!?” Firestar sang along.
“Yeah, we like waffles!” The other four took part B.
“Do you like pancakes!?”
“Yeah, we like pancakes!”
“Do you like French toast!?”
“Yeah, we like French toast.”
“Doo doo-doo-doo, can’t wait to get a mouthful, WAFFLES!” They all sang together.
After they repeated it, ending the thirty second long track, the monster stopped. “Here you go!” The twoleg said. The cats thanked them, then jumped out of the monster and walked over to a large body of water.
“There they are!” Tigerstar pointed. “The beavers!” The four cats ran over to where the beavers were, and stopped.
“Um, Tigerstar?” Firestar said after a moment. “Those are two otters, not four beavers.”
“Huh?” It was true. What Tigerstar had thought were four beavers had really been two otters. “Dang it! I guess we gotta go back now.” The cats turned around, and a magical time warp picked them up and dropped them back off at Four Trees.
“Well, what now?” Tallstar asked, turning to the other four cats. They spent hours thinking up ideas, but none of them could ever agree on what to do.
“I still say we do ‘Forest Idol’.” Tigerstar said. After a moment, the other four just staring at him, Firestar sighed.
“I guess we have no choice…” He said. The other three sighed as well. “Besides,” he whispered to them, “we can beat Tigerstar, easy.” The four snickered a little.
“What?” Tigerstar asked, having not heard Firestar’s comment.

Hope you like it! ^^

[Shadowstar]

Lol Continue

[Airilae-Chan]

This. Is. Sooo. Brilliant! I love it! Continue!!! ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

[Lostsoul]

*Insert witty comment here*

[glow=red,2,300]Chapter 4[/glow]

“Get it right this time, Bluestar, or I’m replacing you with a twoleg.” The author said before vanishing from the stage. It looked like the stage for ‘American Idol’, but it was in the middle of Four Trees. How all of these different things are popping up in Four Trees is a question the author herself has. Sure makes things easier, though.
Bluestar gulped. “Welcome to ‘Forest Idol’!” This was met with cheers from the huge crowd of cats. Even kittypets from twoleg-place had shown up. “Our five contestants will be signing for control of the forest!”
“Yeah, that’s smart…” Sandstorm muttered from her front row seat.
“Before that, though, allow me to introduce the judges! Lionheart, Spottedleaf, and the judge everyone calls our ‘Simon’, Yellowfang!”
“Hey! What’s that supposed to mean!?” Yellowfang shouted with a British accent.
“Nothing!” Bluestar said hurriedly. “Anyway, let’s start this show, shall we!? Our first contestant is… Tigerstar!”
Tigerstar ran out onto the stage, and the music started. “Transformers! More than meets the eye!” He was cut off by a snow cone. The author, too, wonders where cats got snow cones.
“Judges?” Bluestar prompted.
“Yay! Transformers!” Lionheart wore a broad smile.
“Uh… No. That was lame. You’re lame. Get off the stage, moron.” Spottedleaf said.
“That was bloody awful.” Yellowfang was still speaking in her British accent.
“Next up is Leopardstar!” Bluestar announced as Tigerstar was dragged off of the stage. Leopardstar jumped up onto the stage, and her music began.
“Every time we touch, I get this feeling. And every time we kiss, I swear I could fly. Can’t you feel my heart beat fast? I want this to last, need you by my side. ‘Cause every time we touch, I feel the static. And every time we kiss, I reach for the sky. Can’t you hear my heart beat so? I want you to know, want you in my life.” Leopardstar was finished.
“That… was… Interesting…?” Lionheart looked confused.
“That’s such a fun song!” Spottedleaf said.
“Well, it wasn’t ENTIRELY bloody awful. Better than Tigerstar…” Yellowfang seemed to be refusing to drop the British accent.
“Next, we have Tallstar!” Bluestar introduced as Leopardstar bounced off the stage. Tallstar walked on stage and picked up a microphone as the music started.
“Gonna buy, a slightly damaged golf bag. Gonna buy, some beanie babies new with tags, from some guy, I’ve never met in Norway! Found him on eBay. I am the type who is liable to snipe you with two seconds left to go. Whoa. Got paypal of Visa, whatever’ll please ya, as long as I’ve got the dough!”
“Stop!” Lionheart shouted. “I LOVE eBay!” Lionheart then hugged a computer, which we assume he bought on eBay.
“Um… That was weird.” Spottedleaf said, moving her chair away from Lionheart.
“That was bloody awful.” For once, Yellowfang dropped her accent, but only to quote television. “You are the weakest link. Goodbye!”
“Now that that’s over with, next up is Spicy!” As Tallstar was dragged off stage, spicy ran up and took his place.
“Are you ready kids!? Aye-aye, captain! OH!!!!!” He was cut off by a watermelon. The author is curious to know where cats got a watermelon, much less how they managed to throw it.
“Um, even I don’t like that.” Lionheart said.
“Great. Now I’m going to have nightmares. Thanks, loser.” Spottedleaf sulked.
“More than bloody awful. Idiotic, and bloody awful. Go jump off of a cliff.” Yellowfang’s accent was back.
“Last, but not least, we have Firestar!” Spicy was dragged off stage while Firestar ran up. He tripped on a step, but got up in a flash. Everyone was laughing as the music began.
“I’m gonna make it bend and break. Say a prayer, but let the good times roll, in case god doesn’t show. And I want these words to make things right, but it’s the wrongs that make the words come to life. Who does he think he is? If that’s the worst you got, better put your fingers back to the key. One night and one more time, thanks for the memories, even though they weren’t so great. He tastes like you only sweeter. One night and one more time, thanks for the memories, thanks for the memories. See? He tastes like you only sweeter!”
“Okay, I guess…” Lionheart muttered.
“I love that song!” Spottedleaf said, before returning to her fan girl shrieks.
“That was actually not completely horrible.” Yellowfang said.
“Now, it’s time for you, the viewers, to vote. Who will be the next ‘Forest Idol’? Only YOU can decide!” Bluestar said. “We’ll be back tomorrow night for the results of the voting. Goodnight.”

[Shadowstar]

Lol, I liked Firestar's song And I love the fanfic. I wonder who wins?