Obessions }{ "Hello, This is the party line"

[dare.xx.awaken me...]

Title: Obessions
Chapters: Umm, its gonna be short and sweet tho.
Author: OMG ME!
Pairing: Loads
Rating: PG 13 cause of drunk cats, molested cats, swearing a thick Cloudtail's
Spoilers: Umz, lots. Read up to the sight
Summary: When Hollypaw THE UBER FIGHTER AND OPERATOR, mishears Cloudtail and puts him through to the "Party Line" Instead of "Dr.Killemall - Helping you get rid of unwanted fangirls", all hell breaks loose.
Warning: Deranged Fan She-cats, read at own risk.
Disclaimer: I do not own Warriors, the amazing Erin Hunter does!
Beta: None
Cover: None

"Hello Operator?" Cloudtail uncertaintly mewed as his ear was pressed to a telephone, a Yellow Pages clutched in his paws.
"Hello, this is your friendly UBER FIGHTER AND OPERATOR Hollypaw. What can I do for you?" A bouncy, and thick voice mewed back
"Can you put me through to Doctor Killemall please? He runs the Deranged Fangirl Removal Service." Cloudtail made sure Daisy wasn't listning.
"Sure, One Sec"
"Hello?" Cloudtail mewed
"You have reached the party line."
"Um? Can You Put me through to the Dr please?" Cloudtail was getting really confused.
"This Is Doctor Bluestar, helping you and your mate with all your se..Hey, Is that Cloudtail?"
"What The? Bluestar? What happened to Doctor Killemall? Oh never mind."
"Whats up? Brightheart saying no and pulling away just before you clima..."
"Shut up!" Cloudtail cut her off "Just send something to get Deranged fangirls out of the way."
"Oi! Lionheart! We gotta order for a lot of deranged fan-she-cats and fantoms, lots of smirnoff ice, and a pole dancer. Straight to Thunder please"
"What the?" Cloudtail was getting seriously confused "I didn't order anything!"
"Thanks for your order Mr.Tail, and thank you for using the Party Line, your one stop-shop for all your partying needs! Also, you get a freebie with this order!"
Cloudtail slammed the phone down and legged it back to camp.
TBC!
(Reviews So Far Pleeze?)

[Airilae-Chan]

Lol! I love it so far, especially this part:

"Um? Can You Put me through to the Dr please?" Cloudtail was getting really confused.
"This Is Doctor Bluestar, helping you and your mate with all your se..Hey, Is that Cloudtail?"

WRITE MOREMOREMORE!

[dare.xx.awaken me...]

(Strong Language Warnin)

Onestar was sitting grumpily in camp.
"Wuzzup Oney?" Said a very drunk Ashfoot, clutching Bulmers Pear Cider.
"I can here party-like noises coming from ThunderClan and Firestar didn't invite me!" Onestar mewed like a spoilt little twoleg.
"If I were you *hic* I would *hic*" Ashfoot hiccuped
"Would What?"
"*Hic* Go over dere *hic* and join em!"
MEANWHILE

Half of StarClan appeared from nowhere, along with 20 crates of Smirnoff ice, and pole with a note attached saying "Gone for lunch, be back in 10 mins"
"OMGZ! I LOVEZ YOU FIRESTAR!" Two she-cats screamed, throwing themselevs at the ginger leader, much to Sandstorms displeasure. One was tortoishell, the other gray.
"Spottedleaf? Cinderpelt? WTF?" Firestar shouted, as his was killed by a barrage of fanshe-cats
A gold tom wearing a hat came over to cloudtail. "Hello Mr.Tail sir, heres your delivery from the party line. And heres your freebie" He chucked a packet of Dulex to Cloudtail, winking furiosly at Brightheart.
BACK AT WINDCLAN

Onestar was currently deeply engaged in "Ip Dip Sky Blue" To decide who was going
"Ip Dip Sky Blue, Granny's sitting on the loo, Dropping bomb, Singing songs, It is not you!" He shouted pointing to Ashfoot. "Aww*hic*" She moaned.
"OMGYAY!" Shouted Heatherpaw, who ran over to join Onestar, Crowfeather, Harepaw, and Breezepaw with a few others. "Adios Amigos!" Onestar shouted, pratically flying on his paws over to ThunderClan.
BACK TO TC

Cloudtail was passing his gaze from the Dulex to Brightheart. A random passing flying cat shouted "F.UCK HER YOU T.WAT!" At Cloudtail, who STILL DIDN'T GET IT. Firestar was being molested by Spottedleaf, Cinderpelt, and the rest of the Firestar Fanclub. Brambleclaw was edging slowly away, when a UFC (Unidentified Female Cat) Spotted him. "LOOK! ITS BC! GET HIM BRAMBLECLAW FANCLUB!" And he too was molested. Displeased Squirrelflight joined Displeased Sandstorm. who was downing her 14th bottle of Vodka.
"Why don't I get a Fanclub?" Brackenfur mewed, when a mob of UFC's screamed "BRACKENFUR ROX MAH SOX!" and molested me too. Displeased Sorreltail joined Displeased Squirrelflight, and Displeased Sandstorm.

T B CCCCCCC!
(HECK YEAH!)

[Airilae-Chan]

Hilarious ;D Fantastic ;D Smashing Anyotherwordsyoucanthinkof =) Write more as soon as you can! ^.^

Also, I think you should move the rating up to PG13, cause I don't think little children should be reading about drunk Ashfoot's and cats being molested 0_o

[dare.xx.awaken me...]

(Warning, more strong language and Disturbing content)

"ONESTAR IS IN DA HOUSE!"
*I am the one and only starts playing*
"OMG! CROWEEE!" A famillar, yet definatley dead, silver she-cat flung herself at Crowfeather. Heatherpaw and Lionpaw "Went Behind The Bikesheds"
Authoress: Do cats even have bikesheds? NVM, Back to story
"YO! ONEY! WHY THE F.UCK ARE YOU IN MAH CAMP?" Firestar managed to say from the pile of shecats before he was molested again
"I HAVE COME TO JOIN DA PARTY F-STA!"
"F-STA? Wtf?" Wtf'ed Sandstorm
Meanwhile, Cloudtail still wasn't getting it. Brightheart had begun to stare at Cloudtail hungrily and was eagerly eyeing up the Dulex. She pulled out some lube. AND HE STILL DIDN'T GET IT!
Suddenly, Lionpaw jumped up, nicked Brighthearts lube and scurried back to Heatherpaw. Brightheart shrugged and pulled out some more. And guess what? Cloudy still wasn't getting it.
By now, every cat who wasn't:
A. Holding Lube
B. Using Lube
C. Being Molested
Or
D.Being displeased

Sighed and said: "Dat tom just don't get it"

Onestar broke out in a verse of "Mates Glorious Mates" (The sicker, cat version of Chips Glorious Chips) The TDSC's (Aka: Three Displeased She-cats) Sorrel, Squirrel and Sand had gotten through three crates of vodka. Sandstorm suddenly got an idea. "Hey there was dis advert that had this hot toms on and it said to to talk to one now dial dis numba so I wrote it down! Wanna dial?" She mewed. The TDSC nicked Firestars phone and ran off with it.
Jaypaw was stumbling around saying "Sharon! Sharon! Oops i mean Honey! Honey!" Honeypaw ran over and dragged him behind the Bikesheds

Suddenly a slim she-cat walked in, took the note of the pole, and began to dance around it.
Cloudtail dropped the Durex and hsi jaw, before retriving both.

[dare.xx.awaken me...]

Brightheart hissed "DAISY GET DA HELL AWAY FROM MAH MAN!" She launched herself at the pole dancers, ripping at her creamy fur. "FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT" Echoed around ThunderClan's clearing. Behind one of the dens, in a shady spot was a large cream armchair, and a mahogany table housing a fluffy pink telephone. In the chair sat Longtail, dressed in a pink pinstripe suit, a hat with a feather, black patented shoes and he was smoking a cigar, Leafpool dressed in leather beside him on the arm of the chair, popping blue and white pills onto his tounge. Suddenly the phone rang "Hello, Diz iz Longtail Da Pimp and his lovley lady drug supplier Leafpool. How can we help you? Hm, yes, yes. I will pick up Mistehfoot, Tawnypelt, Leopardstar and Ashfoot for ya? Good. Kkthxbai Blacksta!" He turned to Leafpool "Leafpool honeh, I need you to go get da Pimpmobile readeh." Leafpool slid off the chair, bent over for no apperent reason then went off into the undergrowth. Longtail, stood up, straignted his jacket and proclaimed "TO THE PIMPMOBILE!" Before running into a tree
Meanwhile over at ShadowClan...
"Oi, Rowanclaw" Blackstar gruffly mewed "Your missus is gonna be wiv some company tonite but don't worry, Russetfur is availbe all night fur you while Tawneh is gone." Rowanclaw nodded, licked his lips, and padded over to the other side of camp. Blackstar puffed a cigar, and petted Littlecloud, who he held on a lead next to him
"Whos my cutie lil meddy cat? You are!"
Back in thunderclan
Suddenly, Spottedleaf screeched as a large pink convertible limo ran her over. A door swung open "Diz iz Longtail da pimp, now...LETS GO PICK UP SOME GIRLZ!" The door shut, and the Limo screeched out of camp. The cats blinked, before reusming what theyw ere doing. Longtail spead along towards WindClan. Ashfoot, dressed in a identical leather outfit to Leafpools was waiting by the border. Longtail stopped, pulled her in and continued on his way to Riverclan. "Misteh!LEEPPY!" He cried, and Mistyfoot, dressed in a figure hugging black lycra suit, jumped in, Followed by Leopard star dressed exactly the same but white. Longtail DA PIMP sped towards ShadowClan, where he pulled in Tawnypelt "Blacksta, I know a VEREH good spot" Blackstar got in, and Longtail sped off into the night.