Out of the Wild }{ UF, Comedy

[chellurton]

Title: Out of the Wild
Chapters: as many as there are in the book
Author: Chellurton
Rating: PG
Spoilers: read Into the Wild first (which you probably have if you're here in the first place)
Summary: Bluestar starts to get blurry. Spottedleaf has absolutely no idea what she's doing. And instead of going to live in the forest, Rusty invites ThunderClan to live with him.
Disclaimer: I do not own Warriors or any other product that may apprear throuout the course of this story.

Prologue

Tigerclaw: Hey Oakheart!
Oakheart: Yeah?
Tigerclaw: You’re stupid.
Oakheart: I know you are but what am I?
TigerClaw: *throws a rock at Oakheat*
Oakheart: Ow! I don’t think I deserved that…
Tigerclaw: Quick, ThunderClan! RiverClan are trying to steal sunning rocks again!
Oakheart: What!? But I was just-
Redtail: Again? ThunderClan attack!
Oakheart: Ahh! RiverClan, help me!
RiverClan: RAWR!!!
Redtail: EEK! Retreat ThunderClan! They’re growling at us!
Tigerclaw: I hate you so much.
Oakheart: Wait, did we actually just win?

Bluestar: How is Mousefur?
Spottedleaf: How should I know?
Bluestar: Isn’t that what medicine cats do?
Spottedleaf: I don’t know… probably
Bluestar: *sighs* I’m sure she’s fine.
Spottedleaf: Who?
Bluestar: Mousefur!
Spottedleaf: Yeah, she is, I just checked on her.
Bluestar: *stares*
Spottedleaf: Ooh! Look at the pretty star!
Bluestar: Couldn’t that be a sign from StarClan.
Spottedleaf: It is, but I think their just trying to confuse me. They said fire would save the Clan.
Bluestar: Fire? Are you sure?
Spottedleaf: Yeah… well, not really
Bluestar: That’s stupid, fire can’t save the Clan. Eugh, I don’t feel very good…
Spottedleaf: Woah, you look really blurry Bluestar! That’s weird, you should see a medicine cat about that.
Bluestar: Yeah, if only we had one of those around here…

[chellurton]

Chapter1

Rusty: Ooh, a mouse!
Mouse: Don’t look now, but you’re in your underwear.
Rusty: Ahh! *wakes up* Aww man, I had that nightmare again.
Smudge: Hi Rusty, are you going into the forest?
Rusty: No, that’s a stupid question. *runs into the forest*
Smudge: okay… bye…
Rusty: Ooh, a mouse!
Mouse: You’re still in your underwear.
Rusty: Ahh! The nightmare again!
Mouse: No you’re awake.
Rusty: EEK! Underwear! It’s trying to kill me! *scratches underwear off* Whew, that was close.
Graypaw: CHAAAARRRGEEE!
Rusty: Ahh! No! The underwear is coming back to haunt me!
Graypaw: What?
Rusty: Huh? Oh never mind…
Graypaw: I’m a ThunderClan apprentice!
Rusty: That sounds dumb.
Lionheart: Who’s that, Graypaw?
Graypaw: Some kittypet who thinks ThunderClan is dumb.
Blurstar: What? How dare he.
Rusty: Woah! What’s wrong with you?
Graypaw: That’s Blurstar. She used to be Bluestar but then she went all blurry.
Rusty: Oh, That makes a lot of sense.
Graypaw: I know!
Lionheart: Graypaw, what are you doing over here anyway?
Graypaw: I’m a ThunderClan apprentice!
Lionheart: But I didn’t ask that.
Graypaw: Oh… I’m a ThunderClan apprentice!

[Lostsoul]

Heh... I think Graypaw's obsessed... ^^

This is pretty good. keep it up.

[wildfire]

ha, Graypaw always cracks me up

[chellurton]

Chapter 2

Blurstar: Wanna join ThunderClan?
Rusty: Nope!
Graypaw. Why not? I’m a ThunderClan apprentice.
Rusty: I’d rather stay here where I’m guaranteed warmth and food, and I don’t have to risk my life.
Lionheart: That makes sense…
Rusty: Why don’t you guys come live with me?
Lionheart: That’s a great idea!
Blurstar: Alright. Lionheart will bring the Clan here at sunhigh tomorrow. Toodles!

Sorry it's so short, I didn't have a whole lot to work with since that actual chapter is short.

[chellurton]

Chapter 3

Rusty: That morning, as Rusty slept off his night’s wanderings, the underwear dream came again, even more vivid this time. But they were in front of him instead of on him. Free of their grasp, he shrieked “Ooh, a mouse!” with much more excitement, for the creature replied “Congratulations Rusty, you’re free.”
Smudge: Uh, Rusty, why are you narrating your under where dream into the air?
Rusty: I was in the woods last night. I met some wild cats. They asked me to join their Clan.
Smudge: Are you going to?
Rusty: Of course not.
Smudge: Oh good, because I wouldn’t trust them if I were-
Rusty: They’re coming to live with me!
Smudge: *faints*
Lionheart: Hi Rusty!
Whitestorm: Ooh, who’s that!? *pokes Smudge with a stick*
Smudge: Ahh! I'm underattack! *grabs stick and runs*
Whitstorm: No, come back cat with stick! *follows*
Longtail: Dog pile on the kittypet! *bites off of Rusty’s collar*
Sandpaw: How is that a dog pile?
Rusty: Oh no! My collar! Man, I loved that thing.
Longtail: Oops. Sorry.
Blurstar: Hello kittypet. What’s your name again? The blurs are affecting my memory.
Rusty: It’s, uh, fire… paw.
Blurstar: Firepaw, for bringing us into your home I’m making you an honorary ThuinderClan apprentice.
Graypaw: Cool! I’m a ThunderClan apprentice too!
Firepaw: Really? Awesome!
Spottedleaf: Pretty garden! I wonder if this is good for anything? *stares at marigolds”
Graypaw: That’s Spottedleaf, the medicine cat.
Firepaw: Why doesn’t she cure Blurstar’s blurs?
Graypaw: Shh!
Spottedleaf: Blurstar’s in trouble? Quick! To the catmobile! *grabs Blurstar and runs away*
Graypaw: *sighs* The last time that happened they went missing for three days.

[chellurton]

Chapter 4

Firepaw: This is my twoleg’s den…
Graypaw: Uh-huh.
Firepaw: And this is the room with comfy places to sit
Graypaw: yeah…
Firepaw: and this room has lots of water in it.
Graypaw: I’m a ThunderClan apprentice…
Firepaw: and this is the food roo-
Graypaw: FOOOOOOD!!!!!
Firepaw: Don’t eat me!
Ravenpaw: *runs into house*
Graypaw: Wow, what happened to Ravenpaw?
Ravenpaw: It’s Redtail and Oakheart!
Blurstar: WHAT HAPPENED TO OAKHEART?
Ravenpaw: Th-they-
Tigerclaw: *runs in and whacks Ravenpaw on the head*
Ravenpaw: *faints*
Spottedleaf: Someone call a medicine cat!
Blurstar: Spottedleaf…
Spottedleaf: Oh, right… *stands beside Ravenpaw and stares*
Blurstar: What. Happened. To. OAKHEART! Oh, and Redtail too I guess…
Tigerclaw: They’re dead. Yep, dead. Absolutely 100% dead. And I killed them. BOTH of them. Especially Redtail, I killed him the most. But the most important thing is that they ARE dead, and I killed them.
Blurstar: Ah, so Oakheart killed Redtail and you killed him in revenge?
Tigerclaw: Um… Yeah. That’s what I said. Oakheart killed Redtail, that’s much less incriminating. Duh! But they’re still both dead.
ThunderClan: Tigerclaw avenged our deputy! He’s a hero!
Blurstar: Yeah, he’s a hero for killing Oakheart in revenge… *steps down hard on Tigerclaw’s tail*
Tigerclaw: OW!
Graypaw: Spottedleaf, aren’t you going to do something about Ravenpaw.
Spottedleaf: I left my herbs at the camp.
Graypaw: What? Why?
Spottedleaf: I didn’t think I’d ever need any herbs. What could I use them for?
Blurstar: Ugh, this isn’t working, let’s go back to camp. Are you sure you don’t want to come, Firepaw?
Firepaw: Hecks yeah, I want to come! Why did you think I didn’t?

Graypaw: And this is the warrior den.
Firepaw: Uh-huh.
Graypaw: and this is the apprentice den. Where I sleep. Because I’m a ThunderClan apprentice.
Firepaw: So I’ll sleep there too?
Graypaw: Oh, yeah, I guess.
Blurstar: The new deputy is Tigerclaw!
Tigerclaw: YES!!!
Blurstar: No, that was the blurs talking. The real new deputy is Lionheart.
Lionheart: Yipee!
Tigerclaw: NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Eh-hem. I mean, congratulations, dear friend.
Sandpaw: I wanted to live at Firepaw’s house! I hate this camp!
Dustpaw: Yeah! Thanks a lot for getting our hopes up. Stupid kittypet!
Sandpaw: I hate cats who get my hopes up then shatter them into a million brutal jagged pieces. I hate you! I hate life!
Graypaw: You’ll have to excuse Sandpaw. She must have a furball stuck somewhere. She isn’t usually this emo.
Firepaw: Where do I sleep?
Sandpaw: Anywhere, just so long as it’s not within my personal fortress of darkness and pain.
Graypaw: I stand corrected.

[Lostsoul]

hehe... emo Sandpaw. XD

Can't wait for more.

[chellurton]

Chapter 5a

Graypaw: Ugh, get up! You’ll never be a ThunderClan apprentice like me at this rate!
Firepaw: Graypaw… I had the most awful dream. We left my house and all came to live in the forest instead.
Graypaw: Yeah, that’s what happened.
Firepaw: Oh, that sucks.
Sandpaw: *sigh* You have no idea.
Tigerclaw: You guys are really slow. I mean, seriously, it’s been an hour. Do you have any idea how rude that is?
Firepaw: As rude as killing Redtail?
Tigerclaw: REDTAIL IS DEAD! IT’S TRUE!!!!
Firepaw: *stares*
Graypaw: ThunderClan…. Apprentice…..?
Lionheart: We’re gonna show you the territory!
Firepaw: Cool!
Lionheart: That’s the smell of RiverClan!
Firepaw: Ooooh.
Lionheart: This is Fourtrees. Every moon all the Clans come party here.
Firepaw: When’s the next party?
Lionheart: Tonight!
Firepaw: WHOOO! PAR-TAY!
Graypaw: THUNDERCLAN APPRENTICE!
Tigerclaw: Who said you’re invited? The invitations haven’t gone out yet.
Firepaw: Awww. They probably don’t even have my mailing address yet.
Lionheart: That’s what ShadowClan smells like.
Firepaw: Oooooh.
Lionheart: And this is a Thunderpath.
Firepaw: Sounds cool! *runs out and gets hit by a car*
Lionheart: NOOOO!
Tigerclaw: aww what a shame.
Fireheart: *beeps back to life beside the Thunderpath* It’s okay, I had another guy left!
Graypaw: Yay! Mario didn’t die!
Firepaw: Who?
Graypaw: What? Mario? Who said that? Not me, I said Firepaw! *turns away and plays Mario on Nintendo DS*
*Back at Camp*
Graypaw: Sandpaw, stop listening to that stupid iPod!
Sandpaw: My iPod holds 1GB of my sooouuulll.
Firepaw: How did she get like that?
Whitestorm: *singing* Sunshine, lollipops and rainbows, everything that’s wonderful is sure to come you waaaayyyyy!
Graypaw: Um, rebellion?
Dustpaw: Bye bye, best buds! I’m going to the Gathering!
Firepaw: Bye!
Graypaw: What a nice cat!
Firepaw: I know, right? He’s so friendly!

[chellurton]

Chapter 5b

Firepaw: Why didn't we wait to hear about the Gathering?
Graypaw: Shut up, that's why.
Firepaw: That was uncalled for.
Graypaw: I'm sorry buddy. I'm a ThunderClan apprentice.
Firepaw: Hey Ravenpaw, feeling better?
Ravenpaw: Huh? I didn't do anything! What have you heard?
Graypaw: Geez Ravenpaw. I know you don't like training but you're kinda edgy.
Twig: *snaps*
Ravenpaw: Ahhhh! Nooo! I don't want to die! *runs away*
Firepaw: Bye! See ya later!
Lionheart: What was his problem?
Tigerclaw: Oh I'm sure he just misses Redtail. Who IS dead.
Lionheart: Let's start training! Who knows the difference between hunting a rabbit and hunting a-
Tigerclaw: Everybody do a hunting crouch NOW!
Firepaw: *thuds down on the ground*
Tigercalw: That was terrible.
Firepaw: I'm hurt. I thought it was very good.
Tigerclaw: I guess it's better than Ravenpaw, he looks like a duck.
Firepaw: Ravenpaw? Where is he?
Lionheart: He's right beside you.
Firepaw: *stares at Ravenpaw* But how... I thought he...
Graypaw: Geez Firepaw, I know you're new to training but you're kinda edgy.
Firepaw: I'm so confused...
Lionheart: Hunting race! Go! Now!
Firepaw: Wheeeee! *runs off*
Mouse: Wha?
Firepaw: Gotcha!
Mouse: What? Firepaw what are you doing? I thought we were friends! What about all the good times we shared? I saved you from the underwea-
Firepaw: *kills the mouse* Yay, I'm going to win! *runs back to the training hollow*

[wildfire]

lol, this is funny!!

[chellurton]

Chapter 6

Firepaw: Water vole, if you would be so kind, would you come over hear so I can kill you for prey.
Water vole: Um… no.
Firepaw: Foxdung! Grrarrr! *leaps on Graypaw*
Graypaw: Ambush! *rolls on top of Firepaw*
Firepaw: No, Graypaw! It’s me!
Graypaw: What was that, dude!?
Firepaw: You crouch like a lopsided badger and I thought you should feel bad about it.
Graypaw: I guess… *leaps on Firepaw and pins him down*
Firepaw: Ahh, why?
Graypaw: *muttering* I’ll show you lopsided… jerk.
Firepaw: Me? You’re the one who scared my water vole!
Graypaw: No, it’s still there.
Firepaw: Oh… well… I thought you were supposed to bring Wind Clan a message!
Graypaw: Oh yeah… I mean, I wanted to help you first… Hey look! A fox!
Firepaw: Who cares. I’m gonna try to catch that squirrel.
Graypaw: A fox is cooler than a squirrel.
Firepaw: True, but I intend to actually do my work.
Graypaw: …shut up… the squirrel’s gone now anyway..
Firepaw: So’s the fox.
Graypaw: Now what do we do?
Firepaw: Let’s go look at the Thunderpath.
Graypaw: Yeah, alright.
Firepaw: Look! Across the thunder path!
Graypaw: *snore* Oh! Wha? Sorry this chapter is just so boring, I was falling asleep.
Firepaw: Well that’s not my fault is it? Y’know, the least you could do for me is just stay awake long enough to hear what I have to say! This relationship is all about you! I feel so used…
Graypaw: Dude, you’re scaring me…
Firepaw: Sorry. Anyway, I just saw a ShadowClan warrior across the thunder path.
Graypaw: Are you serious That is freakin’ sweet! Yeah, I’m gonna leave now…
Firepaw: Why?
Graypaw: I’ve gotta meet that WindClan patrol. Now I’m the one who is actually doing his job!
Firepaw: Oh, right… Here voley, voley!

[chellurton]

Chapter 7

Yellowfang: Kiii-yaaaaa!
Firepaw: Oof! What the…?
Yellowfang: You are easy prey for Yellowfang!
Firepaw: No, you scared the prey away. I swear I was an inch away from that vole.
Vole: *100 feet away* No you weren’t. I still haven’t moved…
Yellowfang: So, you aren’t a vole?
Firepaw: I don’t think so. Hey, Graypaw! Am I a vole?
Yellowfang: You’re talking to a rock. You must not be a vole, they’re smarter than that.
Firepaw: Well then please remove your claws from me.
Yellowfang: Of course. Yellowfang apologizes.
Firepaw: Freedom! *bites Yellowfang’s leg*
Yellowfang: Augh! What was that for.
Firepaw: For speaking in the third person. Who do you think you are?
Yellowfang: Yellowfang…
Firepaw: Oh, right.
Yellowfang: Now if you will let Yellowfang go on her way…
Firepaw: *bites other leg*
Yellowfang: Fine! I will stay here since I can’t move because you bit MY legs too hard.
Firepaw: Oh, oops.
Yellowfang: That all you have to say?
Firepaw: Here! Have a rabbit!
Yellowfang: Where’d you get that?
Firepaw: I dunno.
Yellowfang: *swallows rabbit whole*
Firepaw: Hey, aren’t I supposed to have some of that.
Yellowfang: (said in the voice of Toot Braunstein) GET YOUR OWN DANG FOOD!
Firepaw: Fine. I’ll eat the vole…*pounces on a rock and starts biting it*

[Raincloud]

THAT'S FUNNY! ;D XD

[chellurton]

Thank you! As a token of my boredom, here's another chapter for today.

Chapter8

Yellowfang: A patrol is coming.
Firepaw: Eeee! Panic!
Yellowfang: I’d have to move to do that, which I can’t thanks to you.
Graypaw: Hey Firepaw!
Tigerclaw: SILENCE!
Blurstar: Why did you feed this enemy warrior.
Firepaw: Because she was weak and hungry and I bit her.
Blurstar: Alright. Why were you trying to eat a rock?
Firepaw: Because I feel there is not enough salt in my diet.
Blurstar: Oh. Hey, aren’t you ShadowClan’s medicine cat?
Yellowfang: I was.
Blurstar: Good enough! Finally some competence around here! We’re taking you back to camp. Darkstripe, you carry her.
Darkstripe: What, why? The kitty pet fed her!
Blurstar: Because I like Firepaw more than you.
Darkstripe: That’s so mean… *sniffle*

Spottedleaf: Ooh! You look hurt! *pokes wound*
Yellowfang: Ow! I’ll take care of myself, thanks.
Spottedleaf: *pouts*
Firepaw: mmm, mouse…
Tigerclaw: NO FOOD FOR YOU!
Firepaw: But why?
Tigerclaw: You tried to eat a rock. That’s against the warrior code.
Firepaw: No it isn’t.
Tigerclaw: I am above the law! You are in trouble! Do as I say! Feed elders!
Blurstar: Everybody listen to me! I’m talking!
Sandpaw: This better be important! You’re interrupting my iPod time!
Blurstar: Yellowfang is now our prisoner. Also, I suspect WindClan has been eaten by flying rabbits.
Graypaw: Wuh? But I thought…
Blurstar: *shakes head* Man, I think the blurs are getting worse. Anyway, we think ShadowClan may have driven out WindClan.
Darkstripe: Is it true, Yellowfang?
Yellowfang: I’m not gonna tell you! Na-na-na-na-na!
Blurstar: Also, I think Firepaw is pretty awesome, so he’s my apprentice now.
Firepaw: Aha! My mentor is cooler than yours.
Graypaw: It’s not fair! I’m a better ThunderClan apprentice than you.
Firepaw: Yeah, but what are you going to do about it?
Graypaw: I’m a ThunderClan apprentice! (This is apparently his battle cry too). *scratches Firepaw*
Firepaw: Ow! Oh right, you have claws.
Blurstar: Someone’s full of themselves. I don’t think you’re cool anymore. You have to look after Yellowfang now. That is all.
Graypaw: No freaking way! That’s great! Ahahahahaha! AHAHAHAHA! Thunder… *gasp* …Clan… *gasp* …apprentice.. *gasp* Ahahaha! Hilarous! Oh man, best thing to happen, ever. You deserve it! You deserve it so much!
Firepaw:… Oh snap…